To say I’ve been thinking just a little lately would be a lie.
Because the truth is, I’ve been thinking a lot.
Thinking about taking risks, letting go, yet still wanting to hold on to…
Questions consume my every thought, my every dream, my every hope.
What if I only had a year, a month, perhaps even only a week to live?
Of course my life would be different. That’s a given. But would my whole world open up? Would I be one of those people who cry in hopes of living a longer life? Would I be the carefree type who wouldn’t give a damn and continue living their life normally, as if nothing was wrong? Or would I be the kind that drops everything in their normal life, to do everything they dreamed of doing, living every minute, every second, preciously?
Maybe I’ve been thinking too much about my future, even though I don’t know if it’ll ever arrive. Planning my life in collage, thinking about my aspirations after graduating, and knowing what I want twenty years from now. It all seems ridiculous.
I mean honestly, how do I know I’ll even get that far in life?
I could expect to wake up one day, and never do.
I could expect to take my bus to school, and yet never get there.
There are endless amounts of possibilities that result to only one thing.
If I die at this very moment, I know I’ll never get to live my dream.
My dream of falling in love. And to have that very same person, fall in love with me.
My wish for the right guy, to enter my life and spend it with me, if not for a lifetime, then at least for a minute, even a second would do.
It’s funny how the one thing you truly want, never seems never happen.
Perhaps it’s because I’m just too desperate. Too hopeful.
It seems in the stories that we read about, only the people who never expect to find true love, really find it. And the people, who desperately want to experience it, are never mentioned.
I’d give up my whole life, my whole existence, to feel what those girls feel in those perfect romance stories. To feel loved by the very person you love. That feeling is something it seems I’ll never experience.
I don’t expect him to be perfect.
In fact, I wouldn’t want him to perfect.
I just want him perfect for me.
The guy I’ll argue twenty-four seven with. The guy who could probably get me to do whatever he wanted with just one heart-melting kiss. The one guy that would risk his own life in order to save mine.
A guy that had so many imperfections, he could never be considered perfect for anybody, except for me.
That’s the guy I want.
The guy who could make me smile all the time. Whether just for a second, or for a lifetime.
I’d do anything to experience that.
That true love everyone talks about and reads in fairytales.
I’d give up my whole life, my whole existence, just for that.
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