“I love you.”
Fuck you bastard.
“Well I sure as hell don’t love you, Brandon.” I scoffed.
Oh yeah, now you see what it feels like. What it feels like to be rejected.
“Yeah, I don’t. I hate how you think saying the words ‘I love you’ means you magically get sex.” I yelled, “We. Are. Through.”
And I slammed the door behind me for dramatic effect.
Let’s see how the asshole likes being neglected.
I took another puff of my cigarette. God, why do men like that keep walking into my life? What sin did I commit in my last life that made me bound to jerks like Brandon in this life?
“I thought you quit smoking.”
I turned to find the one decent guy in my life.
I smiled and said, “Well you should know by now that bad girls like me don’t keep their promises.”
I dropped my cigarette and squashed it with the tip of my 4-inch leather boots. I grabbed the front of leather jacket and wrapped it closely around my body, crossing my arms in the process. The air was still chilly from winter, and as a cool breeze blew from the Hudson River, it blew away my problems as well.
“Ciara why don’t you move away from New York for a little while? Cause I honestly don’t think you being in New York City is going to help you sort out your emotions right now. I mean seriously, with that asshole as your next-door neighbor you’ll probably be listening him bang a hooker all night. Especially since your walls are incredibly thin…”
“Well not everyone can live in Upper Manhattan with Central Park as their backyard.” I scowled.
“Okay, then go back to Cincinnati. Just for a month or two. Take your mind off things, ya know?” He rubbed my shoulders affectionately and I lent backwards into his chest.
Justin always knew how to comfort me when I was depressed. It was an instinct he simply had. He had the ability to calm me down, no matter what, when, or why. Justin was always Mr. Nice Guy, and I was always Miss Bad Girl. Maybe that’s why he was my best friend. After all, opposites are known to attract one another.
“Do you want to know why I never left New York? No matter how many failures occurred, no matter how many bad relationships I faced, no matter how many assholes there are here?” He shook his head adorably. “It’s because no matter what happens, I know I can come stand by the Hudson River and vent my feelings out, with you by my side to help me through everything. I never have to worry about the future. I just stand here, lean on you, and breathe in the cool night air of Manhattan. It’s as if moments like this, prove to me that nothing can go wrong in New York City. As if this the place is where I’m meant to be, and not back home in Cincinnati.”
I hadn’t been aware of this but as I was making my long drawn out speech, tears had been rolling down my eyes.
“Shhh… Ciara, I’ll always be there, even if we’re not in the same city or the same state. It doesn’t matter where you are. I’ll be there, supporting you though it all. You should know that.”
I turned away from the glorious lights shining on the Hudson River and turned to face Justin. His thumbs rubbed away my running mascara.
“This stuff is supposed to be waterproof. Why can’t they make waterproof mascara? I mean stuff that really works? Honestly it can’t be that hard.”
Justin smiled. “They should probably make waterproof eyeliner as well…”
“Oh no! Not the eyeliner too!”
“Good god. One of these days I’m going to sue those stupid makeup company for lying to innocent girls like me.”
“Innocent?” He smirked with his eyebrows raised.
“Shut up, Justin! Not everyone is as good of an angel as you.”
“I’m an angel, eh?”
“You always were.”
“And you, the devil.”
“But of course.” I winked.
He laughed and I put my head against his chest as I pulled him in for a much needed hug. I could hear the steady pounding of his heart. That was exactly what Justin was to me. Steady, sturdy, and calm. He always knew what the right thing to do was. He was like a railing on the stairs. If I ever fell, all I had to do was lift my hand just a tad and grab onto the railing for support. That was exactly what he was.
“You know I can hear your heart pounding.” My head was still pressed into his hard chest with his arms wrapped around my body.
“Yeah and I can smell the Gucci perfume I bought you for your birthday.”
“And I smell Axe.”
“Well, what can I say? Those Axe commercials are really persuasive.” I could hear the smile in his voice.
“Tsk, tsk, tsk. I always thought you were a one-on-one kind of guy. I never thought of you as a “let’s have sex with a whole flock of them” kind.”
“I am a one-on-one kind of guy, but can’t I have one-on-one with lots and lots of different girls.”
I could feel the movement of his nodding. I squeezed him tighter and he reciprocated my hug.
I heard him murmur something, but it was too quiet for me to understand. So, I shrugged it off and enjoyed the view.
I hadn’t known it, but somehow I had fallen asleep whilst standing up and hugging Justin. I guess his chest was a great pillow.
I awoke to find me lying on the bench only a couple yards away from where Justin and I had been standing last night. My head was in his lap and I could hear light snoring from above. I looked upwards to find an adorable, dimpled brown-haired cutie sleeping. I slowly lifted my head off his lap and kissed his cheek.
“Good morning sleepy-head.” I smiled. I love waking up to Justin. He always has this hazy daze when he wakes up. It’s quiet a sexy look, I must say.
“Morning to you too. How do you get all this energy when you wake up?’ His arms were pulling me into a hug as he buried his sleepy face into my wild auburn hair. I never did care about my looks when I was with Justin. I could be in sweats, hair in a bun, and a baggy t-shirt for all I cared. I was myself around him.
“I guess I’m just a morning person.”
“Ciara, might I remind you that you’re also a night person. I swear I have no idea how you can sleep so little.” He shook his head. I smiled. My personality and habits always bewildered him. I guess it’s just another reason why we’re besties.
I lifted my head to face his and smiled, “I’m just an amazing talented person.”
“That you are.” He replied seriously as he stared into my eyes.
Did I ever mention how much I loved his eyes? Because besides having the sweetest personality, a hot body, and a gorgeous face, Justin also has the prettiest blue eyes ever. It looks just like the Hudson River at sunrise, all blue and shimmery.
I suddenly noticed his gaze had turned from my eyes to my lips, which I can’t recollect on ever happening before.
Now you have to understand that as a “bad girl”, I’ve had a reputation of doing lots of different things with boys. Whether it was kissing or sex, I’ve basically done all there is to do with a guy.
But what Justin was doing at this very moment was something I’ve never felt before. As corny as this may sound, it felt as if his blue eyes were kissing my lips, and making them very, very, very soft.
Unconsciously I licked my lips, for fear they may be overly chapped and that’s why he’s staring, or maybe there’s something on my lips.
Suddenly he looked away and towards the river with his arms draped across my shoulder.
“You know Ciara, there’s been this certain girl I’ve had a massive crush on since elementary school. Actually by high school it had probably morphed into love, but then again love is a touchy subject. Anyways, this girl hasn’t ever given me the time of day. Never. Not once. And the sad thing is that she’s the reason I moved to New York City.” He frowned.
What a lucky bitch! I never even knew Justin had a crush on anyone let alone since back in elementary! Who the hell wouldn’t give this sweet god the time of day?! She is one dumb bitch.
“You never told me you had a crush on anybody!”
“Yeah well I figured the feelings would go away, but it never did.”
“Well, whoever she is. She is the biggest dumbest bitch in the world. I mean honestly who wouldn’t want you? She’s either blind or lesbian. That has to be the reason. Hell, even she was blind she’d have to love you for your adorableness! So, there you have it. The girl you’ve been in love with all this time is a lez.”
He burst out in a fit of laughter. Why? I don’t know, because somewhere along those lines, I was being completely serious. Who in their right mind wouldn’t love Justin?
“No she’s not a lesbian. She does like men. I know for a fact she’s dated quite a few…”
“Okay then something must be wrong with her if she doesn’t want you. We’ll just have to sit here until we can determine what is wrong with your dream girl.”
He stared at me again and said, “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with her. Absolutely nothing. She’s perfect in her own way.”
I nudged his shoulder. “Tell me about her, since you’ve never mentioned this mysterious girl until now.”
“She’s got green eyes, auburn hair, loves Chinese food, loves to go clubbing, loves to wear leather boots and jackets when she’s out at night, wears too much makeup that covers up her real beauty, has this kickass smile, looks as sexy in a big, old t-shirt and sweats as she does in an Armani dress, came to Manhattan in hopes of joining a dance company, has more talent than all the people on Broadway combined, loves Christmas not because of presents but in hopes of secretly meeting Santa one of these days, loves winter but hates the snow, wants to marry a pirate cause she think they’re sexy, is a cat-hater and a dog-lover, would do anything to save a kid’s life especially an orphan, always ends up meeting jerks that don’t deserve her and ending up hurting her, has always wanted a fairytale romance… oh and yes… her name starts with the letter C. Reminds you of anybody?”
It was the first time in that long sentence Justin had looked at me, because if he had looked at me sooner, he would have stopped and wiped my tears as usual.
I was that “biggest dumbest bitch in the world”.
“Are you okay? Do you want me to leave, cause you know I–” I cut him off.
I grabbed his faced and pressed my lips against his. Perhaps he was a bit shocked by this sudden action, but he caught on quickly and mashed his lips against mine.
Never in my twenty-four years of existence have I been kissed this way. Sure at first it was urgent, but once his lips slowed down, it was like I was in heaven. He was soft and affectionate, not like the kind of lips I was use to. He wasn’t trying to urge me to do anything I didn’t want. His kiss was caring and loving, just like his personality. And maybe that’s what started the sparks when we kissed. Because honestly I always believed kissing with sparks only happened in books and movies, but at that very moment, I was living that fairytale scene.
His tongue skimmed my lips slowly and seductively, and I giggled against his lips at how this simple gesture had brought a shiver down my spine. I loved how his tongue mingled with mine as if they were made for one another; made for kissing that is.
When we finally pulled apart, he rested his forehead on mine, looked deeply in my eyes, and just like in the movies, he whispered, “I love you.”
I smiled like a fool and replied honestly, “I love you too.”
Because there wasn’t a moment in my life I hadn’t loved this idiot. He was this strong rock I needed to balance out my hectic, erratic lifestyle.
He was a successful, young CEO and I was an unsuccessful dancer. What he sees in me is completely unknown, because men like him don’t fall for girls like me.
But this very Prince Charming had managed to fall in love with me, for me. He didn’t love me to have sex with me. He didn’t love me to use me. I honestly have no idea whatsoever why he loves me.
Hell, I probably don’t even deserve his love. I’m no Cinderella, who had done good deeds to earn Prince Charming; in fact I’m so bitchy I probably resembled more of the stepsisters.
Whatever happened to Karma?
Look, please do not misinterpret this as me being unhappy about all this, because who in their right mind would be unhappy of having Justin Dawson being in love with you.
I’m completely and utterly thankful that Karma hadn’t worked his wicked ways this time. Because if it had. I wouldn’t have gotten this perfect fairytale beginning.
“I love you, Justin. I love you so, so, so, very much.” And I proved it with another kiss.
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