Life with Half a Heart

Reads: 109  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 0

More Details
Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
I wrote this last year.. please excuse any typos and lack of editing.

Submitted: January 30, 2014

A A A | A A A

Submitted: January 30, 2014

A A A

A A A


I'm not even sure how long I've been sitting here, staring at these old photographs, as if my eyes can bring him back to life but I'd say it's somewhere between pityful and oh-my-Lord-I'm-depressed. This is pathetic, I need to let go, I know I do but I just can't. I'm sure I'll lose my job soon too, I keep missing work and when I am there, I'm puffy-eyed and zoned out. Useless. . That's what I am right now. Sure, I could rent out this apartment again and keep my head above water but that'd mean that I'd have to clean it and if I were to do that, I'd lose his scent. His mother already cleared out his apartment but she didn't know about this place and now it's all I have. I still can feel close to him here and I'm terrified to let that go. All those times that we made love in this very spot, laughed until we cried, got high or even those times we just sat in silence, I never once imagined that one day I'd be sitting here alone and in mourning of him. Why does life have to be so fragile and unforgiving? I don't feel like myself anymore and looking back, I'm unrecognizable. Like a photograph hastily snapped while you're in motion, I'm fuzzy and blurred. I'm pretty sure I've since passed people by on the street that very much know me and they didn't even see me. Sometimes, I wonder if they really don't recognize me or are too ashamed to publicly acknowledge that they do. I've been left alone to suffer through this and sometimes I wonder how I've made it this far at all.. Shouldn't my phone be ringing? Shouldn't someone be peeking in through my windows to make sure I'm alive after I ignore them knocking at my door? I don't know anymore. It's like he left this Earth and took all of life with him. Either that or I just imagined things to be more than what they really are and now I'm just left wide-eyed and raw to it all. Not often enough, I dream that he's still here, very much alive and talking to me. We're making plans, reminising, laughing.. But then I wake up.. It's just me now and I have no clue what I'm doing.


© Copyright 2018 Lyric Wise. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments: