Based on true Story by Lizelle Tabaquero
God, I want to give this prayer for the person which is very far from me now. I know that he doesn’t remember me now, think for me now, care for me now, and love me now but let him know that I want to thank him for all things that he twisted my fate for a small hours of my life.
From the past five years, I’m keeping these feelings. You know that I don’t want him to go away and be with other girls. You know that I’m still in heartache to the dates that he reminds me of how special I am. Those are in year 2006 of December in Zambales ,he is calling me in a sweet name – honey, finding me anywhere, wearing my blue headband even if it is broken, and announcing that he likes me in front of many people with his undying I love you pin that I still keep to protect me from another journey of my heart that tells me that if someone won’t love me back, just remember him and I should love myself like the way he love me so much.
God, sincerely, telling this to you makes me cry right now. Can you hold my heart for awhile and stop me from releasing my tears. I want to tell you more things about him. For the first time I respond to his love even if I’m not telling him that I do also love him. I gave a purple headband to him and unexpectedly, he gave me gift. It was a brown headband with a monkey bag. I was surprised and he makes such effort to maintain our communication.
God, he even came to my classroom door every day from far away, just to wait for me to see him. February 14 which is the Valentines’ day also is the day that he makes me too happy. We won the paper game as partners and that day he makes me cry for the first time of my life. From the past few days I fight at him in a text message .This is because of his joke that he likes a kiss from me. I reacted madly, telling him that I hate him. We don’t talk to each others for 1 month until February 14. I forgave him for putting a valentine card in my armchair and telling me such sweet and sad words about our graduation that makes me cry in the girl’s comfort room. I saw him wearing the purple headband that I gave to him as I already stated. From this day we started to be happy more and more each day, followed by an approaching sadness because of my near graduation.
God, he once asked me about his status at me but I don’t respond. I don’t want to end this but I’m afraid of leaving someone I love because of my near college life. It hurts so much, even when he gave his farewell bracelet gift to me and shows me his crying eyes. To the day of our graduation, I rush to see him because he joined the cadet and he wants to talk to me, so I spent a 2 minutes of smiling face at him without words. During that night, I can feel his heart and I’m wishing that he too can feel mine.
In my life, his existence is one of the best in my diary. “His words are too much, his actions are too much and his love is too much but why I can’t overcome the challenges between us ?” My hopes get frozen that’s why I give up easily.
God it’s too late. It’s been five years ago, we stopped communicating, and he is happy with his girlfriend. I have no place in his heart anymore. My memories to him were nothing now. I don’t have any reason for him to know that I still want him in my life.
God you know I love him and I still love him. To the day of his graduation, I secretly came and watched him stepped into the stage. I am very proud of him. We have the same academic rank in high school. I saw him being kissed by his grandma and I’m wishing that I will meet his parents soon but I’m selfish. Being selfish is not good, I lost him in a blink of an eye and now I’m suffering from my fault.
God, this is our story. We can’t be together but even if I’m too illogical, I want him to be always happy. So let him received love from many people, make his dreams come true and protect from danger. That’s all I want for him. There is something in his love from the past that tells me I need him but if this love is not for me then please help me to let go and stop holding on in his memories. He keeps trying to get inside my head especially when I am feeling unloved by the person I care right now.
God, you know that I hate being left alone that’s why I’m trapped in him and I’m telling myself that I’m not the loneliest person in the world because of him. The woman besides him right now could be the luckiest one. Protect her also, and the entire people around him. I can’t be there for him but at least I know that you always can.
God, thank you so much for listening. I feel so sad right now but I’m really happy. I’m Happy for sharing this to you. Let me call you father. It feels much comfortable. Father, just give me a hug for a moment. …. :’(… my walls will gonna break if you’re not there. Father, I can’t go on because of him. I don’t want to beg someone to replace him and to tell someone to love me like the way he does. I know you hold someone for me but I can’t find the answer.
God some friends guide me and some never. Can you give them the feeling of my love and thankfulness for protecting everything and also to Angel Sealtiel, my guardian Angel who never leave me alone. Without them my world is nothing and without you I am nothing. Thanks Father. I love you so much. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit.AMEN
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