Missed Connections: Concert

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
How do you convince yourself to stop falling for someone who will never catch you?
How do you tell your heart to stop beating for someone who is deaf to its sound?
How do you stop following their every step, every movement, every breath?

How do I un-love you?

Submitted: August 02, 2015

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Submitted: August 02, 2015

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My story was the classic boy-meets-girl turned instant best friends like in a teens read novel, and we all know what came next after that.

Falling in love.

Hard.

Fast.

A one-sided love affair, as my friends used to call it. I was ruled over by my emotions.

All I could ever think about was how the light shines from his eyes, like everything he sees is beauty,

How his wind-blown hair makes my hand itch for a touch,

How his voice never fails to hypnotize me, demanding my full and undivided attention,

How his touch, though friendly, always leave my skin a burning mark,

And there's my heart…my heart singing out his name, hoping for even a slightest sign that he will see me more than a girl he hangs out with.

I wanted more. So every time he asks me to go somewhere with him, I always said yes. Letting myself hope that maybe this is the moment we'll share that will turn everything around.

But nothing happened.

And I'm beginning to think that it'll never will.

I knew this when I let him take me to a musical concert by an American post-rock band from Texas. It's not the usual weekend hangout that we do and I took that as a sign that the moment I've been waiting for has finally come. He will finally realise his feelings for me, all those late night chats on weekdays, breakfast dates every weekend and every road trips we took together for the past 3 years must have meant more to him than just good old friendship that we say we have. Surely he too must have felt something.

So how did I end up here,

Standing alone in a room full of strangers.

He left my side after the first performance, saying 'I saw some familiar faces' and going God knows where.

I've never felt so alone in my life whilst in the middle of all that crowd.

And then it finally hit me. How foolish of me to hope that after 3 years of platonic relationship, I've been waiting in vain for something more to happen without me doing anything but a good friend to him. I was a fool to believe just because my heart is crying out his name for so long that he will finally take notice, even if I haven't said his name like a lover does. I can't even get myself to move from where I'm standing and look for him in this sea of strangers.

When did I become so weak?

I was suddenly blinded by the lighting on the stage, pulling me back from my dark thoughts and into the present. The American band is hyping up their performance with visual effects and everybody is on board, screaming and jumping at the same time.

Do I even belong here? I thought to myself.

That's when I noticed you. A tall stranger standing beside me since the concert started. Everybody in the room is moving and dancing and we were the only two standing quietly. You had your eyes closed and your peaceful expression makes me think that you are not in a room full of people high on energy, you were somewhere else.

Somewhere I'd like to go to.

Wherever that is, as long as I'll have a taste of that peacefulness I'm seeing in your face.

I must have lost track of time or I simply didn't bother to check because the next thing I knew, I'm looking into a pair of silver grey eyes. I immediately looked away, embarrassed for staring at you like a creepy person. But I felt you looking at me so I chanced another look, and I was right.

Whatever your thoughts are about what I just did, you perfectly kept it to yourself. Your expression didn't give anything at all. It was neutral.

I mustered a shy smile and a small shrug as an apology for my actions.

You gave a small nod as an acknowledgement.

I focused back on the concert that was happening at that moment. The band just finished its energetic performance and everyone was coming back down from the hype, they are now preparing for a mellow song.

When the band started playing 'Your Hand In Mine', the couples in the room and some group of friends instantly cozied up with each other.

It took everything in me not to look around and search for his face, half of me is afraid of the disappointment that will surely come when I won't see him and half of me is afraid of finding him in the company of someone else.

But I couldn't help myself from looking at you, curious if you've noticed the same things as I did because I know you were also alone that night.

You still had that neutral face on. Not letting anything or anyone into your thoughts. I almost wished I can also do the same because judging from the roller coaster of emotions I've been through the whole night, my guess is that my face says I'm on the verge of losing it.

Losing everything.

When you get to a point when you realized that you have to stop loving someone in order to save yourself from total ruin, it's like committing suicide. And yes, I died a little that night.

Halfway through the song, couples openly showed their affection for each other. Some are slow dancing, some are kissing and some are doing…more. It's like everyone is wrapped inside their own bubble, oblivious to where they are at the moment. Then I thought about him again because this would have been the perfect moment I've been waiting for but he's not there with me, although he's supposed to.

Another thought to cry over for the next week.

Luckily I'm not the only single person in the room without a partner. We exchanged glances a few times and you must have seen the loneliness in my eyes because I felt you step closer, your arm touching mine.

That was my first memory of gentleness for a long time. The heat from your arm reaching to my broken heart like a soft caress, like it knows how fragile it has become after years of pining for someone who will never come around. And suddenly I couldn't bear it no more.

I cried that night.

I cried for the person who will never be mine even if my heart could somehow bear another 3 years of waiting and hoping.

I cried for every step I took and never looked back.

Away from the tall and gentle stranger who gave my heart the comfort I deprived it from.

And I cried even more for letting go of something that might have turn this sad, broken piece of glass into something beautiful,

I cried for you.


© Copyright 2020 Mabina Georgina. All rights reserved.

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