I Will Have My Faith: I Will Not Give Up

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Religion and Spirituality  |  House: Booksie Classic
The ugliness of life stacks up until the pile falls to rubble. I must believe in HIM so that I can believe in myself. The Creator did not create a mistake. My mission in life can not be ended by me. It's not over til HE says it's over!

Submitted: March 05, 2014

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Submitted: March 05, 2014

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 I Will Have My Faith:  I Will Not Give Up

I cry too many tears.  The heart is a selfish muscle.  It wants what it wants when it wants it. 

I turned away from the light and the darkness consumed me.  I cried.  I cut.  I made two attempts to end.

Isolation and alone, my tears are my only companions.  I reached for the doorknob but I could not leave.

The drapes are closed – tightly.  The TV only shifts images – the volume mute.  My fingers scrape glass.

I haven’t eaten in days.  I wash ‘cause it’s one step I do without leaving the room.  Voices speak - again.

If only to shut them up – I scream.  “I am not worthless!  I AM me!  I have a purpose!”  Quiet – again.

I look for change in the drawers.  Maybe I’ll take a bus ride out of here.  Only the Gideon Bible stares.

I slam the drawer shut.  Quietly, I open it again.  Still staring at me, the Bible beckons me.  It’s okay.

I read a similar one October 2010.  I kept reading and tears flowed again.  My chest:  pain and thumping.

I see my dead father, my dead wife and my dead son.  They shed tears that flow together to wet feet.

Did I cause your tears?  Did I cause your pain?  They close their eyes to sleep.  I read The Book of John.

I wipe my tears with the palm of my hand.  I continue to smear them through my brow and my neck.

My shaking hands place The Book on my trembling lap.  My blurry eyes continue to look for miracles.

I must believe that it will all be over soon – not my life, but, this pain and this loneliness:  Chapter 11.

I survived an F3 tornado.  I survived a near drowning.  I survived domestic abuse.  I survived rape.

I am strong.  He has my life in His hands.  I am not a mistake.  It’s not over until HE says it’s over!

Lazarus was not dead but merely asleep waiting for Jesus to wake him.  Well, I am now awake!

My dad, my son and my wife are asleep – waiting for Jesus to wake them.  If HE can do it for them - !

I will not give up. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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