deteriation

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
dark

Submitted: January 27, 2008

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Submitted: January 27, 2008

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The feelings that I had make me angry
I cannot feel like that again
I had a knife in my hand for god sake
I saw the penetration, the slashing
Blood on the walls and floor splashing
Don't worry
 I threw the knife in the sink and I ran
I ran upstairs to cry and think
I look in a mirror what can I see
Is there a monster behind these eyes?
Is that a murderer looking at me?
I take a photo black and white
 And stick it in a paper
Is that a face of a murderer?
Is it?
 How could I live with that?
I need a shave!
 Is the stubble making me look evil?
I swallow some tablets to calm me down
Relying on valium
 To calm me down after every episode
All I want to do is fucking explode
The help I was given was taken away
Their idea in it I had no say
Just take some Prozac to help the depression
Help it what do you mean help it
Try helping me
When I go nuts it's a straight jacket I need
No no just take lots of valium
 Help yourself it's free
Free for me so what do I do
Am I a murderer looking at you?
I don't want to get these feelings of utter despair
I don't want the urges to batter and scare
I'm good I know but it's getting harder to show it
I know it, I feel it, I’m starting to lose it.
I'm angry again, again at myself no one else
For feeling like I do
For feeling that I'm capable of a monstrous act
That it would all be over in a flash
Who do I tell to get the right help?
Will writing it down get people humming?
Will sending it out bring people running?
No the truth is sadder than you could know
They won’t help me until there's a body to show
Then I get locked up perhaps for the best
Then I lose my life in a shit system like the rest
My picture in the paper you will see
Look at the eyes is there a murderer in me
Am I evil or just lost needing help?
I have been screaming for ages but still no one comes
Look at the picture think of it being you
What would you do? What would you do?
 
Written by Adam Rhodes


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