this time last year

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
short

Submitted: January 27, 2008

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Submitted: January 27, 2008

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Laying here thinking of suicide
Of different ways of ending my life
And the only thing keeping me breathing
Are my kids and my beautiful wife.
 
My life is messed up my life is shit
I try to get dressed up and deal with it
But there are people giving me misinformation
And I just can't deal with it
 
How long must I suffer in silence
How long must I suffer out loud
I've been trying to make myself better
I've been trying to do myself proud
 
Suicidal thoughts are always foremost in my mind
Racing around never letting me go
When will I take my last breath on this earth?
And how will I make or let myself go
 
 I feel crazy I feel mad I feel angry I feel bad
I want to hurt you yes I do
You think you know me
Well fuck you!!
 
They prod and they poke they do nothing at all
All I do is come home and stare at the wall
God somebody help me do something for me
Give me a blade or a rope and a crook of a tree
They say don't give him pills he will do himself in
If only they would I could die with a grin
Suicide, suicide. come here death, I have fuck all to hide
Suicide, suicide. come here death i'm your bitch you're my bride.
 
So happy thoughts I must have if I want to go on
And see all my kids have great lives of their own,
Don't you think I know that do you think me a cunt
Don't you think if I were single there would be no note
Note………..
 
Well I am not single so my life it goes on
I am married with kids but why and how long
I feel really crazy I feel really mad
I feel really angry I feel really sad
 
I want normalism I want stableism I want words that don't end in fucking embolism
I want happy I want fun I want laughs in the sun
But when I try to reach out the laughing fun sun fuckers gone
Enough enough enough once again im going to go buy a gun and shoot out my brain.
 
Kurt Cobain had the right idea………….
 
Sleep deprevation screaming in my mind
When all I want to do is unwind
Sleep deprevation screaming in my head
If it doesn't stop soon I will wake up dead.


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