Preface
“Thief!” the copper skinned beast of a man shouted. “Give me the stones!”
“It’s too late!” the frail old man said, “They are gone; lost in the forest among the trees and brush!” The old man made one final noise before he fell to the ground dead.The young boy kneeled beside his father, too shocked to cry, and stroked his dead father’s face.
“My father!” the pale boy squeaked.
“Your father is dead!” the muscular giant yelled. “You boy! Where did your father hide the stones?”
“I….I don’t know,” the little boy stuttered.
“Fine boy,” the man growled. “You have only ten years. In ten years’ time you must bring the stones to me or else you shall end up like your dearest father.” The boy nodded and ran as fast as he could back to his empty home. His father had joined his mother up with the gods and now he knew he must learn to fend for himself.
STONE QUALITIES
The way that the fire haired beauty glanced at him, expressed clearly the feelings she had for the man. His glances closely resembled hers, only more intimate and strong. Together the two of them intertwined as a couple and were each other’s joy in life. Throughout the warm summer days they found ways to fill others with the same warm feelings as they possessed while being sure to maintain their own. During the cool nights that had the wind nipping fiercely at their noses, they returned to their house made only of logs and huddled around the fire to keep each other warm. The beauty and the fearless man never thought about “I”, they persistently thought about “you.” These empathetic thoughts set up stable role models for the miniscule neighborhood around them.
The day that the news came was as sunny as the previous one, with an extra cool breeze supplied by the gods. The caramel skinned man carried himself confidently, sitting upon his black stead. The beauty noticed the warrior first as she was returning from the flowered meadow with an exuberant bouquet of purple orchids, her husband’s personal favorite. Startled by the monstrous looking man, the woman dropped the bouquet and ran to her cabin as fast as her pale, delicate legs would carry her thin body. She flew into her husband’s muscular arms crying over the beast of a man. The man took his wife’s arms and stroked her red hair.
“Tell me my wife, what seems to be the trouble?”
“A warrior,” she cried, “A man has come.”
The man’s copper eyes filled with fear and anger and changed to an icy blue. However, the man was unable to respond for at that moment the door crashed to the floor. The warrior was the size of a bear with the teeth of one as well. He snarled as he spoke, “You!” he pointed an accusing finger at the man, “Your time is up! We have given you ten years and you have failed to deliver the stones to us.”
“But…But…. I am sure there must be a way!”
The woman hugged the man’s arm for protection as he spoke.
“It has been decided,” the warrior proceeded, “You shall have two more hours to live and then you shall meet your fate.”
The man merely nodded. The woman’s eyes, however grew to an impossible size as she asked her husband, “What does this man speak of?”
“There are two stones,” he informed her. “They are hidden somewhere in the forest. I have failed to find them and now must pay the price.”
“That is not true my husband,” the woman argued, “I shall find the stones.” The beauty did not wait for the man’s response as she ran to her equally beautiful white horse. Straddling her horse carefully, she began trotting towards the lonely forest. The thunder set the mood as she began her quest. Dilapidated trees scattered the damp ground and it was no longer safe to travel by horseback. Scanning her surroundings carefully, she swung herself off of her beautiful horse. The forest was dark and intimidating; however, something in the distance began to shine like the rising sun.
“The stone,” she muttered hopefully under her breath. However, the path to the stone was blocked by a rushing river flowing with such great force that one could mistake it for not moving at all. The only visible solution was a thin branch marking the way from one side of the body of water to the other. However, the woman did no more than glance at it before removing her shoes and stepping upon the log. Carefully moving one foot in front of the other, she worked her way across the wooden path way. Somehow she managed to reach the other side of the river with not so much as a scratch upon her delicate skin. In front of the magical stone was a scroll with equally majestic penmanship upon it. The woman picked up the scroll first and read it carefully.
An eagle soaring high but still
A tidal wave crashing on a very high hill
Stepping out to take a stand
Eventually you begin to understand
The bravery in which you possess
Is the only reason for your success
Gently the woman picked up the glittering stone and placed it in her deer skin satchel. “One more stone,” she thought, “One more stone and this will all be over”. She crossed back to the other side of the river easily this time due to her determination. Time was running out, she knew, so she began riding faster, gently tapping the side of her horse encouraging him to speed up. In the distance another glint similar to the first appeared. Jumping down from her horse carefully, she scoped out the land. There was a barren flat land around her and in the middle sat the second and final stone. Something didn’t seem right she thought as she picked up the second scroll with ease. The scroll however brought her to realization.
Commitment to one all along
Never hurting or proving wrong
Always determined to succeed
You supplied the love you need
That day the fire haired women saved her husband from death and when the stones were returned, the couple was rewarded. The second that the stones met the hands of the warrior, they were no longer stones. In their place was an instrument as beautiful as the women and the melody in which it played, as strong as her fearless husband. The horse head sitting upon the top represents the horse in which the beauty rode upon, while the two strings demonstrate the bravery the women had and the love that she supplied. The couple never failed to love, which is why the Morin Khur is still played today.
Submitted: January 30, 2013
© Copyright 2023 Maggie Anderson. All rights reserved.
Comments
I love the use of language. There is a certain ancient feel to the setting.
PS: Checkout G.U.I.L.T and give your honest hearfelt opinion.
Will do!
Wed, January 30th, 2013 3:21pmIn your preface you refer to the beast and the frail, but if this is a person's first time reading and the first time you use these characters, it should be a. The implies that we know this person already or they are unique in some way (the stool right in front of me; Lucy, the lunch lady I sit with every afternoon; down the hall [the only hall and thus the 'the']). After the first usage, you've established a particular man and can use the again.
I find it a little curious that without hesitation or any hint of the character besides being murderous, he just lets a kid off the hook for ten long years. He's very accepting of what the kid says, a little too accepting unless we get a hint at what this dude is like.
Check out some comma usage and consider replacing some with periods. Some are better served separated by a semi-colon or broken into two.
Over all I think you have a nice grasp of imagery but some detail could be cut here and there- I'd also suggest assigning specifics to each person (copper skinned man and copper eyed one? It's a little hard to keep things straight without names, especially when you use the same adjectives). In fact, I'm not really sure why you're withholding names. Lots of mythology concerning how things came to be use names.
Nice job though! :)
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Maggie Anderson
This is a legend about an instrument that was found on the silk road that I wrote for school. Hope you all enjoy it!
Wed, January 30th, 2013 3:23am