Why can't it all just end? Why can't the pain just go away? Why did it even go this far? This was NEVER supposed to happen. If I had said, "no" or got up and left, he'd probably be here, and my little sister would be happy. I messed up the lives of my family. I really screwed my sister over. Because of me, he's almost never over here, and now, she's never happy becasue of the stupid shit that I did. If I died right now, would they miss me? Would things be better for her? Would she finally find her reason for happiness? If I died, would he start coming around again? Would he even care? Who would care? Would I even have a funeral? Who would come? Who would cry? Who would ACTUALLY miss me? Would i really leave Ayden like that? Would I really take the easy way out? Would everything go back to normal after the grief? Would there even be any greif? I feel like I've done nothing but hurt the ones I love. Why did I do this? Why did it even happen? Why does he lie about it? Why can't my life go MY way just for once? Why can't I take away the pain my family feels? If I could take it back, I would, but I can't and I'm reminded of that every day. I want my family to be happy and with me around, it's near imposssible. Why do I feel this way? Why can't I be helped? Is there help for me? Will it work? Can't life be simple for once? Is this supposed to happen? What's the reason? Why did I open my mouth? She was right; I'm nothing more thana pile of feces. I don't deserve to be here, I can't take the look in her eyes. She looks at me with anger and disappointment and rage and hate. I can't take that anymore. I just want her to be happy and because of me, she can't be. It's all my fault. She's not happy and won't be until he starts coming around again and he won't as long as I'm around. Why is he running? Why am I this horrible person? Why is this happening? Can I fix it? How? Will I ever live this down? Will I ever have a normal life? If I died, would it erase my mistake? Would it make them forget? Would my death bring happiness to sis? Can she ever forgive me for what I did to her? Will he ever come to see her again? Will she ever be happy with me around? I chased him away. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry, so, so, so, so sorry. Please forgive me sis, please. Show me that you still care. I never wanted this to happen. It was never intended. I love you, sis, I really do. Seeing you hurt because of me, hurts me...makes me want to die, just to see you happy. Why am I this person? Will the pain EVER go away? Will the hurt ever be erased? Can anything overshadow the hate in her herat? Will she ever forgive me for this? Will I lose my little sister? Will she come back to me? Did I ever even have her in the first place? I'm sorry, Taylor, I realy and truly am. If i could take it back, I totally would, but I can't and now, because of me, we all have to live with the consequences. If I died, would things be better for her? I hope so. I love you sis.
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