Poem by: Maij
love, romance, mystery, story, lust, haiku
Submitted: December 07, 2011
© Copyright 2016 Maij. All rights reserved.
That was great! Sensuous, beautiful, and the format killed! Never saw a set of haiku arranged into a poem before. I loved it! And strong use of that word a day calendar! Tomorrow's word is farinaceous.
Hi Bob, you're the best; thanks so much for reading and leaving such a great comment! The thought of putting these haikus together in the form of a story just came to me and since I'd never seen it done before, I thought why not? I'm really glad you liked this poems; I'm a fan of your work so I really, really value and appreciate your comments :) Thanks again for reading; I'll be sure to keep you posted!
love the progression, both in the developing love and the colors you chose. reminds me of one of mine. you're a killer when it came to choosing red for the hottest, steamiest poem. really cool. what will you think up next, i wonder? my, my. you are something else martine. (i have to go take a cold shower now)
Hi Bruce, I really apppreciate the read; thank you so much! I don't know what I'll come up with next either; I was in a mild depression all week, but Im out of it now thanks to this. I'm really glad you liked :) Enjoy your shower, lol.
Another eloquent piece from you, this time with a little more sensuality. Sensuality should be universal when it comes to the sexual relationship between two people, not a hard-core sk@nk fest, which the entertainment industry seems to be hung up on. Actually, this poem evoked memories of my youth (and even now)when I would fantasize about being with someone that I was not only physically attracted to, but cared for.
Hi Gideon :) Thanks so much for reading. Yes I did lay the sensuality a little thick with this one. I totally agree with your point about the importance it plays in a relationship too; it’s so much more meaningful than the hardcore commercial garbage the film industry is constantly throwing at us. I'm also really happy to hear this poem touched you so much that it brought out some pleasant memories; I hope to make some of my own one day. Thanks again for such thoughtful comments; I really do value them??
Holy hell, what a cracker! You have such amazing grace and you handle the topic of sensuality with such seasoned subtely and experienced effect. Wow, to say this poem was seducing would be an understatement; I loved the variation of colours and how blended them from various poems into one. "With warm parted lips, we danced steps of mystery." Hallelujah, woman, you're just so talented. I know I've said this before, but your work is so delicious. Really mean that :)
Hey man, thanks for reading :) Wow, seasoned subtlety? I just have a really good imagination, haha; but thanks for such a thoughtful complement on this story! I'm really very happy you enjoyed reading this; thanks again for reading and leaving such lovely comments, Nik??
OMG OMG MARTINE!! YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?? YOU DIDN'T TELL ME? oh my god, it is sooooooo beautiful??...i was reading it with my mouth hanging open with incredulity and envy and rising pride...gosh,martine,I AM SO SO SO SO PROUD OF YOU...honestly, i don't know what's a haiku...but that's not the point...you showed an entire tale...a lifetime in just the few lines...for crying out loud,they would've been meaningless words until you strung them into an appealing and 'sensual' story...i HAD to say that,sweetie...nik and mammy above me told it all...so, my telling you the same old story must be boring to you..but give me more time,i'm likely to scream and scream about your magnificent poem...lovely...lovely...and lovely....next time,tell me...lots of love..?..lots more love..?..XOXOXOXO...?
Hi Iris :) Thank you so, so much! I'm really glad you liked this poem and I really appreciate you taking the time to give it a read and leaving such a great comment! I'll be sure to keep you posted in the future??
P.S Haiku: a seventeen syllable Japanese style poem that consists of 3 lines of 5-7-5 syllables ^_^
How dare you tempt me:) Am a monk and a virgin!!! This is.nt fair but nonetheless, as much as I'd hate to, I must not fail to appraise and appreciate the exquisite and passionate literary nittygritty depicted herein. Pls dont tempt a monk again:)
Hey Ekeuhie :) I got a real kick out of your comment; I apologize lol. Thanks a bunch for reading and leaving such colorful comments; I really appreciated it!
very nice, and well written
Hi Yasuko :) Thanks so much for reading; I'm glad you liked this!
Beautiful. Though it seems to speak of topics I don't generally like to, it is still very well written. A being approaches the mirror, erasing my image, filling my heart
with happiness, yet the being remains far from my grasp. I cannot touch it. With a gentle breeze, the being leaves, allowing me to return to my silent contemplation.
Hi :)I really appreciate you taking the time to read my work; thanks so much for the lovely comments??
martine i had to read this one before i went home, and i literally re-read it like 4 times! the imagery flowed in my head perfectly and i almost had to blush with the thought of some memories it brought about! but you constructed them in such a lovely and delicate way as to make them unique to the reader but still universal and not boring, ya know? this was amazing, and i can't wait to continue to read through your works girl! n-n
Oh wow! I'm so happy you liked this! I'm even happier that this poem evoked some pleasant memories for you; you're actually the second commentor to say so ^_^ I can't wait to hear more of your thoughts on my work; thanks so much Anna???
A very sensational collection of haikus ..beautiful!:)
Hello Saaya, thank you so much for reading! I'm glad you liked this :)
Until last week I didn't know what Hiaku was (thank you Saaya) I was somewhat ignorant to its form. It is a special kind of art work. Like the essence of a moment, an almost intangible thought caught and dashed into written form before it is gone for good.
The first two lines of your Haikus are a liken to the warm scented breath before lips meet, the final line is the kiss.
Thank you, such a delight to read
Hi Dibs! Thank you so much for stopping by to give my work a read; I'll be sure to comment your work in the future as well :) your comment was so lovely; almost a haiku in its self! Thank you again:)
Lee Edward Neale
What can I say that hasn't already been said. Hmmmm. Its just so damn sexy I'm gonna have to read it again. On the strength of that piece alone. You have a fan. I usually don't fan on first reads but I'll make an exception in your case.
Wow; I'm so glad that you enjoyed this piece so thoroughly and I’m honored that you liked it enough to become a fan! Though I’ve yet to comment, I have been a fan of your work as well for quite some time; so expect comments in the future :)
Love the progression and the way you used different colored text to add to your story. Very sensual, happy, and hopeful. I applaud you for making such a good story out of such short poetry.
Hi Faith, thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment this piece :) This is another one I'm quite proud of since I'm trying to get better at writing more meaningful haiku poetry; it something that has become really important to me overtime. I'm not much of a story writer, so I'm satisfied that I was able to use my poetry to paint a meaningful story for the reader! Thank you again for such thoughtful and encouraging comments; they really do mean a lot??
First of all, I'm a big fan of Haiku's. They're short and simple and not wordy. Second of all, you totally nailed this. How you have six seperate Haiku's, yet they're totally related, one progressing right into the next. It flows easily and it was just so romantic. We start at nothing, find love, and it just blossoms into something beautiful, like a lovely rose sunning itself.
Thank you so much for you beautiful and thoughtful comments. It's rare for me to find writers who appreciate haiku as much as I do :) I'm so happy you enjoyed reading this; this work is one I'm really proud of.
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