Not Exacly Normal

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Just something i wrote to help me think. Its really really weird lol

Submitted: June 28, 2009

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Submitted: June 28, 2009

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A teenage girl walks away from a guy, tears streaming down her scowled face.
“Another pointless end to a relationship…. Stupid humans.” I think.
It takes me a while to realize what I just said to myself. I bite back a curse and pound my fist into the bench I’m sitting on. An argument starts in my head and I ignore the by passers starring at me. To them I’m just the strange quiet girl.
“Stupid humans eh? You’re human! Why do you keep forgetting that!?” my mind screams.
I think back to several occasions when I’ve without thinking referred to humans as stupid. I remember how afterwards I always felt superior to the others. But always, then, I would scream at myself and remind myself I was human too. It could be no other way. The only beings in this universe capable of doing such intelligent things were humans. With of course the exception of God, but he’s in heaven, being God; and I thank him for being so. With out God I wouldn’t be alive. But that’s a million other stories.
My thoughts are interrupted by one of my friends, Colton.
“Hey, Kristy, you thinking again?” he says as he sits by me.
He doesn’t know half of it. I quickly smile and nod. Again I hadn’t realized I had my “thinking” face on. That expression was the stone cold, serious, staring one that made people assume I wanted to be alone. Part of me, yes, wanted to be alone. But the human part wanted not to be lonely.
There, I did it again…. I sighed.
“That’s some pretty hard thinking you must be doing.” Colton chuckled.
I tried to smile and say yeah. We go on with a conversation that is random and making my feel stupider every second. Sometimes I say things I don’t mean, or things that sound stupider compared to what I’m thinking.
Ugh, thinking. I wish people could read my mind. Sometimes I find myself talking in my head assuming others can hear. It embarrassing, cause then I realize what I’m doing and how crazy it is.
Finally the bell rings and I dead for the bus, saying a verbal good bye to Colton.
I look down as I walk. Its so much fun watching the clouds of green appears and disappears from my feet. This is one thing that u don’t have to hit myself for admitting. I’m a synesthete and enjoy most every minute of it. (Mirror touch and some tastes get annoying.) I love it when it gets stronger too. I admit having synesthesia makes me feel even more alone and like a freak than I already do. But oh well. I’ve got my own world of enhanced senses only I can enjoy.
When I look up I see the door to my Geometry room. Today I had that class and it didn’t go so well. I have this core of concentration inside of my that contains my syn when I need to, and also…my “power”. It’s hard to explain but its like I have this amazing energy inside of me that can do unnatural things, but it’s trapped inside my body. When my concentration fails it bursts to its limits, making me sick, intense and restless. I usually have to read or write to put it back. Another weird thing is if I concentrate solely on one thing this power bursts even farther to its limits and it makes me want to scream in restlessness. It’s an interesting experience, though I don’t do it often. It hurts sometimes.
That day I continue to think about this crazy part of me. I must be crazy. No one else assumes without thinking that they are not human…. Except crazy people. I can’t trust anyone with my secret. I’d eventually end up getting put in an insane asylum.
I must be crazy though… or I really am superior in a way and humans just don’t understand… I prefer the second one, but I probably am crazy.
I hate this feeling of being someone strong, intelligent and powerful, but all that is trapped inside this frail stupid human body that limits me. I know I could run faster without it. I know my syn would be more intense with out it. I flat out hate being human. But I would never be an animal. I don’t know what I am inside….

So am I human completely or not? No… I’m just not exactly nomal….


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