Being Average

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Story of my life

Submitted: February 19, 2011

A A A | A A A

Submitted: February 19, 2011

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A A A


Being Averageby Pranay
 
Chapter 1
 
Somebody has said this quite correctly Ye duniya agar mil bhi jaye to kya hai??I don’t want this world anymore. I don’t want to live anymore. I am ending my life, committing suicide not because I can’t face this world but because I don’t wanna. I am fad up of being average. Why God even creates 'me' kind of people?
 
My decision of self-destruction is not clamant neither I am impetuous. It’s gradual and thoughtful.After being average for my entire life, 25 yrs, now I believe that it’s time to move on. If not in this birth then may be in next birth I ‘ll get a chance to be someone more than average or so called extra ordinary.Till date this Shastri Bridge was never useful for me due to fleshy traffic on it but now I could not find a better place to jump off to end my life.I know I have a family and they love me very much but I am not useful to them as well. So it doesn’t make any difference, after all in past 10 yrs or so I spent hardly 6 months with them due to first study and then job.I have already decided couple of times to commit suicide but couldn’t succeed due to lack of courage but this time I am not gonna stop. This time I am gonna convert this long pending commitment into reality.It’s nothing like that I never loved to live but the kind of ‘averagism’  I was into, anybody wouldn’t have lived this long.
 

Yes…he was quite right whoever has said that in this world there are only two kind of people successful and unsuccessfull.There is no third category. Unfortunately like me, most of the people don’t fall in any of them. We are from an undefined class called average people, aam- aadmi, mango people.From God to nature to human being itself nobody has really ever noticed average people.

 

Since our birth we listen continuously about either success or failure. In hospital after birth we are classified into beautiful and ugly baby. When we grow a little our relatives or neighbors categorize us into fast and slow child. They say he learnt walking and talking very early or they say that child is very slow; he is 5 now but still creeps only. When we start schooling; we are again assorted into intelligent  and duffer. We are always taught to be intelligent otherwise we’ll be duffer. In upper classes we are categorized into A and D grade. After school in college we are again divided into smart and free or studious and book worm outside the class and into front and back benchers or into topper and KTiers inside the class. It doesn’t stop here, to impress a gorgeous girl either you should be Tall-dark and handsome or short-fair and cute. When we enter into career world we are divided into hard working and hardly working employees or into well appraised and not appraised at all.

 

Our movies are no exception of this. Either the hero’ ll be very rich and vagrant or very piteous but proficient. Either he‘ll be a superhero Krishh or a dyslexia infected Ishaan. People talk about either Aamir Khan or Tushaar Kapoor. 3 idiots was divided in two parts. Half the time Aamir tops and half the time someone tries to annihilate himself.

In love stories it doesn’t matter how much you love your partner, your parents must oppose it or you must die finally for your love; to make your story unforgettable. From Veer  to Suri  every one has used the same trick.

Thousands of books have been published on different people but they were either very illustrious or very notorious. Thesis are made either on Ghandhi or on Hitler.No body talks or remember average people.There is no day such as Common people day. There is nothing in the market that makes anyone ordinary. Either Obama or Laden make breaking news. You need to create either some controversy or some rumor to come into limelight. Either 4th of July or 11th of Sep is commemorated though they have another 364 days.

My parents always endorsed me but they never accepted me being average, always wanted me to be extra ordinary. I am not angry with God because he made me mediocre but cause he didn’t make me neither victor nor loser.

Why we average people even come on this world, though we exist we don’t, after all everything can’t be literally right. I think God must hate common people, because he made them so common.

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   Chapter 2

 

My name is Raj'naam to suna hi hoga…in previous stories’.My story is quite uncouth I mean again average.

I was born on an ordinary day.It wasn’t 15 Aug or 26 Jan. Neither it was 26 Nov nor 7july.I was second child of my parents among other two so again wasn’t first or last.It wasn’t a premature or late delivery. I had average weight and look, on birth. So you see…This word ‘average’ has seized me since childhood, never left me in solitary.

I can enumerate hundreds of example of how this jinx of Avreago-phobia never left me alone. From micro to macro levels in my life I have been suffering from this.

I was the second child among three so never got the fervour or the attraction, parents have for their first and last child respectively. I wasn’t too grave like my elder brother or too stubborn like my younger brother so never got much attention of my parents.

In my early days of school I took part in many plays but whether it was on Ramayana or Mahabharata I was always given roles like Shatrudhan, Nakul or Sahdev.I wanted to be Ram or Arjun or even Ravan or Duryodhan but was told that I don’t fit into those too good or too bad characters.

In college days I wasn’t a hostler or a day scholar, used to stay alone. I used to always worry about study and exam so never could enjoy the so called ‘college life’ like some who come to college only for enjoyment neither could I ever got top marks or something, so could not become a profs dearie either.

After college I got a job. It was a medium size company and remuneration was also decent. There too I realized many a times that I was a black sheep over there. It really atrocious to know a little of everything and not to be specialized of anything particular. During Appraisal those who were rated low used to stop working hence forth and finally get released and those who were Star performer used to get appreciation as well as appraisal. I was always somewhere in between, neither sacked nor appraised.

 

And then it was the limit. I had a girl. We both were from the same college and same class. We were very committed to each other and had contrived to spend rest of our life together. The girl had no father only mater (mother) and she was her only child. After college I met her mother couple of times though there was no direct talk, she had the glimpse that there is some alchemy between us. Few months back my girlfriend talked to her mother about me and her mother said yaa he is gracious and we will talk about it. I also talked to my parents. They initially defied but finally agreed. I was at the acme of my confidence. First time in life I felt that I am not an average guy. I also have something special in me. But couples of days back my girlfriends marriage was fixed to someone else. My girl contradicted a lot.I talked to her mom, asked her the reason for giving such jolt. Her mom said that the boy is in Switzerland and earns a lot; moreover his salary in 7 digits and family is also very good. She said I was good but was average in front of that NRI guy and it’s her obligation to arrange the best and not the average for her daughter.

 

Yesterday she got married and I couldn’t do anything. What can I do? I am not so good who can get such job and impress her mom or not so bad who can elope her and scare her mom. Now I am completely lost. I have no career, no life, nothing.Untill now I have been in between in everything. I have been like a sprinter who never finished first or last, like an actor who couldn’t become a hero or a villain, always did Hero’s friend or villain’s chamcha. My life has been a film which wasn’t critically acclaimed or a box office hit, a B grade story which had neither a mass nor a class appeal. I am not a nobody but not a somebody either. I don’t think I should live anymore.

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 Chapter 3

 

Ohhh God…it’s so high…I can’t jump…should have got some other way. No…no Raj You have to die…This is it…you had enough…yaa you are right…I had enough…this must be the end…but who is that person at the far end and why I feel he is too jumping off the bridge…’oye…mister…hello...bhaisab...are coat wale...ruko jara...ruk jao… what are you doing …stop…stop…don’t jump…don’t’…my voice is not able to get through him…I must run and catch him….I rushed towards him…and before he could fall I stopped him.

Are what the hell are you doing…why are you ending your life…why you want to die? Why you want to commit suicide? It’s not correct morally, socially or legally’ I said in stiff voice, curbing his elbow so he won’t go away.

I had heard somewhere that Marne wale se bachane wala bada hota hai…Though I was confused who am I? A killer who was gonna kill himself or a savior who just salvaged this man.

 

Are Boss…leave me...boss… leave me…that man shouted and tried to pull his arm but I hold tight and didn’t release it. No I won’t let you die…no…you must live…Sir…life is beautiful...It’s wonderful’ I said.

Are boss I am not going to die…just look down the bridge…that lady…she is drowning…I was going to save her…she was shouting…look at this rope…I was going down with its help…leave me so I could save her..Come on …before she drowns’ He said in pique.

‘Ohh sorry sorry…my fault. I thought you were going to jump off to end your life...Sorry…let me help you with that rope…come on’ I said.

We both hastened with the rope. That man went down with lasso…Though the current was very high… he reached her anyhow; down there .I was supporting with the rope.

I doubt again what I was gonna be??A savior of this man or a killer of that lassie.

So finally anyhow we rescued that lady. I dragged the rope back. The lady was fainted due to water so we try to bring her back by pushing her dorsum.

After couple of minutes she was back to senses she smacked both of us instantly. We tried to control her but she was out of her mind.

 ‘Chhod do mujhe...chhod do…mar Jane do…mujhe…jaane do…kyo bachaya mujhe...mar jane diya hota’ That lady said in a typical old Bollywood movie style.

‘Ye achha hai…ek to jaan bachao upper se thappad khao’ the other man said.

‘But why…why you want to die…why willing to kill yourself…I asked. It’s none of your business…and why should I tell you’ lady replied.

‘Because if you tell me why you want to commit suicide…then I‘ll tell you why…I…came here to commit suicide’ I replied.

‘What you too’?? That lady said astoundingly.

‘Now you shouldn’t say that you too came here to obliterate yourself’ the lady said to the other guy.

‘Unfortunately yes’ The other man replied.

‘What the fu**….you too…don’t say’ I said

‘Then what you think what I was doing here in middle of night at 1.30 AM’ that man said.

It means I was right….I was a Redeemer (savior) not a grampus (killer)…I thought.

‘Then why the hell you guys didn’t die and also didn’t let me…die’?? That lady said anguishly.

 

‘I was going to jump but then I saw you and I thought you were drowning so I thought first I should save you but before I could do anything this mister came, thinking that I was going to jump off to kill…myself…so he ceased me. Later on I explained him the situation and then finally we saved you’ the other man replied.

‘Ok…then great…we all came here to end our lives but none of us could…so now we tell each other why we want to die…and then we die unitedly’ I said.

‘I am fine with it as I haven’t told anyone why I was going to die’ the other man said.

‘What about you’?? I inquired the lady.

‘On one condition. If you guys promise me that after this you won’t save me again and‘ll let me die in serenity then I am IN’ lady said.

‘Ok…no problem’ we both replied.

‘So who is gonna first to tell’ I asked.

‘This gentleman because he started this’ entire lady said.

‘Yaa...you first Mr...What’s your name’?? I asked.

John’…he replied.

‘Ok...John then tell us why don’t you wish to live anymore’ I said.

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 Chapter 4

 

‘I am fad up of failure in my life. Wherever I go, whatever I do,I never have any success, always fizzle’ John said.

‘From studies to sports, from family to friends, from social to moral everywhere I busted’.

‘I was born in a joint family. My father and my uncle stay together. I was raised along with two other kids of my uncle. I spend my whole puerility seeing my mother and father fighting each other because of the problems between my mother and my aunt. You know how Indian mothers are, never like to share anything. For their own kids they are Nirupma Roy but for others kids they portray Lalita Pawar.My mother and aunt used to have same kind of scrap that we have seen thousands of time in our old Hindi flicks.

 

I used to blame God for placing me in such household but was hoping that may be he has saved something nifty for me in my future’.

‘Childhood passed but nothing changed. I joined school but their also I was pretty ordinary in studies, wasn’t able to concentrate due to my family problems. I tried to participate in sports and other extracurricular activities but soon realized that god has forgot to bestow me with any endowment there as well.

From school to college I was a back bencher.A guy who has no sureness, no aim, no goal nothing.

After college I struggled vigorously for the job as I couldn’t make it through in campus placement.

I had no job plus having problems in my family. I was completely baffled and perplexed, felt as why I was living. I had lost all hopes of my life’.

‘Most of my friend had settled in their job. I envied them and denounced deity that why did he make me like this? Why didn’t he make me an average guy like most of my friends who have a middle class nuclear family, are average in studies and other activities, got an OK job, living a decorous life like a common man.Ohh God I didn’t ask for everything, all I asked you throughout my life is just animation like anyone else. Why didn’t you make me, if not over-the-top then at least an average guy’ John added’.

 

‘Really Raj …I had decided to end my life but then something unusual happened. May be He had something for me'.

‘While I was looking for a job…I mean fooling around offices. I met a girl called Neha, who was also seeking for a Job'.

'Accidently we met twice or thrice. Though I never talked to any girl during my school or college I always had a liking for them like anyone else.There are many things in life which’ll catch your eyes but only a few ’ll catch your heart and she was one of them.

She was cute and nice, wasn’t very gorgeous. I know my limits so I don’t go on very beautiful or some extra ordinary girls but this girl was kind of decent or I can say OK kind of girl. I talked to her I mean she broached and I responded. Slowly-slowly we became friends. We started to like each other. We met out couple of times’.

 

‘Now I was very happy…at last I got something…may be this was…the God concealing for me. I thanked God that he conferred Neha to me. You know naa how this age is. Everything looks fine, all problems vanish once you are in luv’.

‘I hadn’t proposed Neha but the way we she used to talk to me, spend time with me and behave towards me, I was quite sure that she would say yes. My only trouble was that I didn’t have any job. The day I got the job I‘ll propose her…I thought’.

‘Somebody has said correctly life is very complex. The more you try to simplify it, the more complex it becomes’.

‘I was engaged in my interviews so couldn’t meet Neha for around one and half week as I thought first I should try hard for the job’.

‘Then finally the day came. I was selected in an interview. Though it was a small company job I was pretty happy that it‘ll lead me one step close to Neha’.

I didn’t tell her the same day, wanted to astonish her. In night I called her. Now first I‘ll tell her about the job and then I‘ll propose her…I thought.

‘Ohhh…Neha…I have a god news’.

 

‘Guess what…I too have to tell you something arousing John’ she replied.

I sniffed some blush and romance in her voice… Is she going to propose me…I thought.

Ohhh god…first job and now Neha may propose me…really jab aap dete ho to chhapad phad ke dete ho…I thanked to God.

‘But first I tell you’ I said.

‘No…no first I she said.

‘Ok wait I have two things to tell you.First I tell you one thing and then your turn and once you finish I tell you the other…ok’? I said.

First I should tell her about the job which may make her more excited to tell me whats in her heart…I thought.

‘Ok…fine go ahead’ she said.

‘Guess what I got the job.I did it yaar…I did it’ I said with curbing my romantic thoughts aside.

‘Really!!!That’s great…superb…where…how…when’?? She asked in a haste.

I told her everything.

‘So finally you got what you wanted’ she said.

‘Not yet’ I said.

‘What you mean’?

‘You‘ll come to know. Actually that’s the other part. First now you tell me what you desired to’ I said.

‘Okie…actually yaar I don’t know how to tell you…I haven’t to anyone…(she was blushing again)…but as you are my best friend I don’t know who else should I say this’ she said.

A typical Indian girl…I thought.

‘It’s ok…you can tell me…may be we both have same thought…may be what you are gonna say…is pertained to what I want to say’ I said with trying to give her idea that both of us want to say the same.

 

‘Actually John…you know Ashish naa…my family friend… I used to talk about’ she said.

Heeeeee…how come this Ashish came in between…I thought.

‘Yaa…Yaa…you told me about him…I remember’ I said with trying to be as natural as possible.

‘Actually Ashish and I are childhood friends...We have been in same school…same town for many years but then I was shifted to Mumbai and he somewhere else but we were always in contact. Every year in our family function we used to meet. I always adore him a lot. But few years back he went to US for higher studies and I had lost contact to him. Last month he came back…he got a job in India…last week he called me and I was talking to him daily…then today in afternoon…he called me again and ….and….proposed me’ she said.

‘Really…then what did you say’ I said with keeping my overflowing and overwhelming emotions in control.

‘What did I say!!!I said yes….yar…yes…it was like a dream come true for me…I always liked him…but I thought maybe he would have forgot me in US….but he didn’t…he was same as he was…I am so happy John…so much…I got what I wanted..She said with full of enthusiasm and excitement’.

 

‘Ohhh…that wonderful…really nice…today naa…in afternoon…naa’ I said with trying to be as neutral as possible.

‘Yaa today only…may be when you got your employment news…virtually at the same time’ she said.

‘See…you always say that you are not lucky…finally we both got what we wanted’ she added.

‘Yes…Neha  you are right…quite right…waqt se pahle and kismet se jayada kisi ko kuch nahi milta’.

We hung up.

Thank you God…Thanx a ton…for cueing me again that what a looser I am…you can’t see me happy naa…why you fiddle with my life…you never gave me anything and I never whined except for few…I thought at least I have Neha…but you took away her from me…Why would I live then...I thought.

‘Falling in love is awfully simple but falling out is simply awful. Whole life whatever it was, 25 yrs I struggled not be the best but to be the average but at last I lost…if you born poor it’s not your fault but if you die poor then it’s your fault…I don’t blame anyone but what I repent is that I didn’t ask for too much what I ask is just a simple life like any other common man’ John said.

‘So that’s it…I didn’t know any other suitable way of suicide so I came here but it seems, here also I am not lucky enough to die’ he added.

‘Ohhh…I see…quite interesting’ I said.

Wow yar…look at this guy….whole life he has been fighting to live an average life. I thought I was dying miserably but I think my condition were much better than him. At least I have good job, good family, and a poised life….that has a mixture of little happiness and little sadness. May be this guy is right…being Average…or common…or a mango man is not curse.

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Chapter 5

 

‘So mam what about…you now…why you want to give up your life…do you have a same kind of story or something else’?? I asked that vernal lady.

‘Yaa I too have a story…similar to John but inverse…my name is Riya’ that lady said.

‘Ohhh good name…so Riya tell us what we got here’?? I asked her.

‘Contrary to John I have been very lucky in my life or you can say whatever I touched was turned into gold. Where ever I went, whatever I did I always got success, no matter how tough the competition was or the conditions were, I bulged out always successfully’ Riya said.

‘That’s pretty impressive’ I said.

‘Yaa…it seemed to be’ She replied.

‘Why…why not. Aren’t you happy with it’? I asked.

‘Success has nothing to do with happiness. Success is important only to the extent that it puts one in a position to do more things one likes to do’ she said.

‘I didn’t understand’ I asked.

 ‘I was born in a very good family, was the only child of my parents. I got one of the best facilities in my life. My father was very rich and successful in his life. I inherited all such qualities from him. I was quick, fast and intelligent’.

 ‘I was very good in studies and was topper in the class. When I took part in other activities, I was very good in them as well. When I joined college, there also I was very successful, not only in class but in other things as well. I was…you can say had a rare combination of beauty and the brain’ she said.

‘Then why want to end it…bored of success or something’?? I asked in an antic manner.

‘Becoz I am choking under this Burdon of success. Since childhood I was always expected to be the best.Thoudsands of time when I didn’t want to do something, I had to, to beat others, in study, in sports everywhere never got true friends. You know when you are very successful and ahead of everyone, you find urself quite alone.In fact you feel most alone when you are at the Top’.

‘In high school, in college every one used to think that I am arrogant because I am rich and intelligent, beautiful and topper. I couldn’t be a part of their group, never feel that warmth of friendship among others. I also wanted to be one of them, wanted to enjoy like them, wanted to be a part of their jokes, their comments, but I never could’. 

‘In my class, most of the girls had boyfriends but I never had. Even the boy I liked, he didn’t like me because he says I am too good for him. He preferred another simple, average girl over me. Believe me when you are at the top, you can’t even choose your friends.Despite the advice about choosing your friends wisely you really can’t choose your friends, they choose you.

‘The more successful you become, the hollower your life becomes. I also wanted to live a normal life, like anyone else but God chose this special life for me, where I feel like a bird in golden coop. I can fly but within that cage only. Everyone likes me but nobody wants to be with me’ she said.

‘Ohh God Pls I don’t want this lavish and successful life. What I want is a normal, ordinary, simple life like others. Every throne is full of thorns’.

‘I tell you it’s very easy to reach on the peak but it’s very-very difficult to stay there. When you reach to the top, world becomes very small to you but you forget that you also become too big for others, so you no longer remain a part of that world’.

‘I have everything but I have nothing. My parents are busy in their work. I have no true friends, no luv in my life. Then what should I live for’?

‘I wish I were an average person just like most of the others, had a normal middle class family, were in between best and the worst so that I could have done all that I wanted to rather than what I was expected to’ she said with wet eyes.

 

I was surprised...but confused. If these two people, one fail and one successful are not happy in their life then who is? I thought.

Both of them want nothing but an average life just like me and I am having that still I am not happy…I thought.

‘So what’s your story Rajhaa’? John asked.

‘My story…my story is something that you won’t like to hear.my life is just like you both wish for. A life that both of you wanted’ I said.

‘Really!!!Then you must tell us’ John said.

I told them my entire story.

Haa kya aaisa bhi hota hai…I never knew’ she said.

‘Ok jokes apart...but marne kaise hai...how are we gonna die’? John said.

‘I don’t want to die anymore because one thing I understood from this that it’s human mentality that we don’t like what we have, always want what others have but in that we forget the value of everything that we already posses’ I said.

‘It’s better to know something about everything rather than knowing everything about something. It’s better to be someone rather than no one or everyone. It’s better to be on the ground with everyone rather than alone on the top. It’s better to be good rather than best or the worst' I said.

‘I think we all should be content with what we got here and the same I ‘ll suggest you both…John you must be happy that at least you loved her so much…Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure and you tried your best… don’t cry because its over smile because it happened. your girlfriend left you…it must be hard but you know people never know that someone is special un till they leave… but maybe it’s important to leave so they are given a chance to see how special that someone really was .she will learn your importance someday. I know it won’t be easy to forget her but I think sometimes if you can’t get someone out of your head then maybe they are supposed to be there…and to you Riya I must say Nothing fails like success because we don't learn from it but if you wish you can change the everyone’s persona about you.Butfirst step towards change is acceptance once you accept urself you open the door to change, it’s not something you do it’s something you allow.You may be forced to accept what you are today but free to what you can be tomorrow…so I wish both of you best of luck…I said.

 

Raj…come on get up man…you are getting late for the office’…mom came and pulled my blanket.

O my gosh…I was dreaming…where is John and Riya? Was it all dreams…really!!!But then I thought maybe this dream was required to awake me from my long lasting sleep. Success and failure both are parts of life. Obstacles are like wild animals they are cowards but they’ll bluff u if they see u afraid of them.

 Being average is not a curse but a virtue. The only person who is with us for entire life is our self so live while we are alive.Life is too short to hate anyone so why detest itself and I was wrong about the God…he must love the common man, that’s why he made so many of them.

I got down from the bed and moved ahead on my so called average life’.


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