isabel

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
if i told you the truth, would you still be here?

Submitted: March 05, 2016

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Submitted: March 05, 2016

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Have you ever wanted to disappear?

Yes, this is another boring story about a girl with psychopathic thoughts... it will definitely  not change your life so if you have any expectations from it, just stop reading now, but anyway, thanks for trying, I really appreciate it.

For those who decided to read something more, congratulations , but still,  it won’t change your lives.

Ok, let’s start...

You probably think that this story is about me. Hmm maybe yes and maybe no. You don’t know for sure because you’re not me. You have no idea if what I’m writing now is true or not. You  can only assume that I can be either mentally disabled or just terribly bored. And that’s my advantage. People believe that they know everything  about me.  Why?  Just because I say what they want to hear.... or because I look like I have no worries, smiling all the time, pretending to be ordinary ... well they couldn’t be more wrong.

I’m sorry. It was quite long beginning but I had to start somehow and besides,  I hate beginnings. Just like I hate the question: “Could you tell me something more about you?”.Fine,  I am aware that somebody might have good intentions and just want to start conversation with me( ?) but whenever I hear those creepy words , all I want to say is:

Hi, I’m Isabela, 21-year old girl with no plans for future, ideas and any ambitions. I don’t know why I’m here on this planet but I guess I will never know.  Currently, I’m studying. Not because I want to but to please my parents.  They consider me as a big mistake  so I don’t want to make it even harder for them. Regretting having me is enough punishment.  What else.. Aaa yes..when I go to bed,  I beg God to take me to His home but he never does that and I wonder why.  Usually, I’m indifferent to everything. People’s been hurting me for all my life but I don’t hate them. What’s more,  I blame myself for that. I probably deserved it. There is also one boy from my college whom I like. Unfortunately he has a girlfriend. I should be disappointed, right? Well, to some extent I am. But on the other hand, when I look at her, I feel so small.  That girl is just an amazing person- so  beautiful, intelligent, kind-hearted. Just Perfect. They are a wonderful couple and now I feel extremely embarrassed that I had some feelings toward that boy. How come? Me,  some kind of outcast,  no. I realised that especially I, have no rights to interfere. Anyway,  I’m just a shadow, in addition very clumsy one. I  can’t do anything properly and I suppose  people  just take pity on me. I’ve been wondering if I repel them…? Who knows…

I’ve been struggling with anorexia for 6 years now but my family think that I am doing this on purpose, that I want to punish them or sth like that.  Of course,  I can’t agree with that. Oh, I often think that I’m some kind of weirdo or monster without feeling that only wastes oxygen . I can’t understand why I’m still here. So many good people are dying and I’m still alive.. what a shame…"

So after hearing that reply would you ran away? If so, that’s ok. People usually avoid me so it wouldn’t be a big  surprise. But if you stayed that would mean 2 things: First of all, that you’re quite not  normal and  probably psycho as well and secondly, that you deserve to hear more true things about me…. 


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