The moodiness of autumn

Reads: 349  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 9

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

The effects of autumn on nature.

The joy of summer was departing.

As the moodiness of autumn was starting.

The change was somewhat uncomfortable.

For fall's capriciousness was impenetrable.

The liquid wind was crawling.

The snow and rain stalling.

Gleefully swirling the leaf.

That abandoned the tree with grief.

Suddenly and without a warning,

On the orange carpet rain was pouring.

Deserting despair, earth cared not that she was bare.

With her rivers, she carried sadness elsewhere.


Submitted: January 02, 2011

© Copyright 2020 Manaf Alabd Alrahim . All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments:

Comments

James D. Storrington

You have a real flair for poetry. Very nicely worded :)

Sun, January 2nd, 2011 10:16am

Author
Reply

Thanx! :)

Sun, January 2nd, 2011 2:23am

tattooedmoon

Well i guess booksie distroyed your format again.The content of your poem was still good and fortmat doesn't bother me at all after i read all of your poems. I felt that this site sometimes sucks haha anyway keep me updated if you posted new,will you?
Thankyou:)

Mon, January 3rd, 2011 9:12am

Author
Reply

Thank you a lot!!!!!
it means a lot to me
I surely will!
Thanx again.

Mon, January 3rd, 2011 1:14am

Obe

That was really good :) I really liked it :) - Obe (Oh and if you would look at some of my stuff I would really appreciate it!)

Mon, January 3rd, 2011 1:45pm

Author
Reply

Thank you!
Sure i'll have a read at your page :)

Mon, January 3rd, 2011 5:51am

2010Alana

Quite the interesting story,
you are an excellent poet.
Could you perhaps check out my page? Comments and criticism welcome,
~Alana xx

Mon, January 3rd, 2011 3:21pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much !
I'm on my way :)

Mon, January 3rd, 2011 7:25am

Venessa Jinson

You are AMAZING!!! I love your poetry!!! Very, very good!!! You have such talent!!!

Mon, January 3rd, 2011 3:31pm

Author
Reply

Thank you this means a lot to me!!! :)

Mon, January 3rd, 2011 7:34am

Aryamd

again raelly like your wording... great job once again...

Wed, January 5th, 2011 5:37am

Author
Reply

I really appreciate u taking the time to read them!!
Thanx :)

Tue, January 4th, 2011 11:53pm

Ally999

thaTS AMAZING, I MAD UP MY OWN WORD 4 WRITER LIKE YOU THAT ARE FANOMINAL LIKE *YOU* AND IT IS AMAZINGLY-AMAZING. WIERD WORD BUT ITS TRUEEEEEEE. i LOVE ALLLLLLLL YOU POEMS AND ALL YOU R WRITING IN NO MATTER WHAT YOU WRITE :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH I ADDEDA LOAD OF THE LINE THINGY MAJIGGS FOR EMPHASIS ON YOU AMAZING. DONT YOU FORGET IT MR. HEHEEHEE LOL, LOVE IT (SHE SAID IN A HIGH SCREECHED VOICE, AND ACTING LIKE A CRAZED PERSON WHO LOVES THIS AND IS EXTATIC AT THE MOMENT AND LOVE THIS)

and breathe, i love this so much, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so,soooooo, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so ,so how may so, so, so is that now, i dnno but i love it very, very, very, much, and you i love you that many so's and very too, cos ur a an amazing, decent, phonimal, great listenr of a guy, and they can be hard to find somtmes!!!!!!

all my love and wishes
Ally
XxxX

Thu, January 6th, 2011 3:19pm

Author
Reply

I.....am ....speechless.......

Thu, January 6th, 2011 8:24am

Cleveland

You have a good poem here but as in anything written it is a rule to stand back and think outside the box. Don't accept the poem as finished. When it is published then it often is.
I have an afinity for semantics and brevity so I'd look at your poem and see how it might be. Once you become aware that most poems can be improved by 100% with a little attention to detail then the poem no longer appears 'easy' and is more likely to catch the eye of an editor.For instance as an example of what I mean consider the first two lines. Each line ends with a full stop. Fact. Often in poetry words will flow but with the excitement of white water.
So your words:
The joy of summer was departing.
As the moodiness of autumn was starting.
Then(my suggestion):
Faint joy of summer only departing,
Catches the mood of autumn ever starting.
You will no doubt notice the re-arrangement of words beit ever so slight. There is also a more qualifying beat to the poem.
You might agree. You might not. But if you intend to publish it is the editor's not me you need to worry about. There is the thought for today. Good luck and keep writing.
Best
Cleveland
www.CELJ.org

Fri, January 7th, 2011 3:54am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much for your helpful criticism.
I do agree that it is better that way, and hopefully I will try to do this on future poems.
I am not sure whether I can make it that good, nevertheless, I will try.
Thank you very much.
Manaf.

Thu, January 6th, 2011 8:18pm

Ally999

LOl, a good speechles, or like a bad speechless, or a she's mad speechles, or a freaked out speechles??? hahaha lol. still loved it even after reading it loads heheheheh.

Fri, January 7th, 2011 9:20am

Author
Reply

The best speechless I have ever been!!:D
Thank u so much!!!!!!!!

Fri, January 7th, 2011 2:37am