An Angel In Agony

Reads: 397  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 0

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic

Story of a girl as common as all of the girls of this world who has encountered all the uncommon things which a common girl cannot think of.

AN ANGEL IN AGONY We meet several people in our life and most of them are evacuated from our memory by time but some people leave a deep impression on our heart and life. I came across such an experience while I was living in Patna. I was living in a room which was on the terrace and it is worth less to say that I had the advantage of monitoring my neighborhood. Did I mentioned that it was summer time and being on terrace at evening was quite a fun because of cute faces trying to get fresh air in the surrounding. There were many faces which were good enough to attract the attention of a person like me who is a beauty lover; however there was a face which was distinct in feature. I was somehow attracted towards that face. She was quite simple and fair in color. Whenever she came across the fact that I am looking towards her she used to either look down or left the terrace. Co-incidentally I found that girl was in my college and I discovered a kind of emptiness in her eyes (filled with beauty). After a few trials I was able to speak with her and whatever she told me about her life was enough to traumatize my brain. Gayatri Upadhyay was her name and she was born on 13/06. She was tall about 5.6 inches and her deep black eyes could easily disguise you as if you are looking at a deer's eye. Her smile was so lovely that you can imagine a baby smiling after seeing her/his mother. I really wanted to write her story in my words but I find myself short of those words which could explain her story in a better manner so let’s go by the conversation we held on 13/06/2007 (which was her birthday). “Hey Gayatri, see a birthday gal is sitting in a corner just because she is trying to avoid the possibility of a treat.\" I noticed her sitting in a corner of our class (actually whole day I have been looking for her). \"Please be quiet because I don’t have a penny to spend for treat.\" She begged me in a helpless voice. I could see drops of tears stuck at the corners of her beautiful eyes. I got a setback but I controlled my emotion and sat beside her silently. We were quiet...quiet as the environment before heavy rain. I was waiting whether today the pain in her heart will take the form of rain and the agony of her heart will be revealed by her voice. All of a sudden she started crying and put her head on my shoulder (my first reaction was to look around to see if somebody is watching us, whole class was empty) I placed my hand on her head and asked her about the matter which was bothering her to such an extent that she was crying on the auspicious occasion of her birthday. She looked at me to analyze whether she was going share her grievance to the right person. “Chandan being a girl is very hard.\" She broke the long silence and wiped the monuments of tears with her DUPPATA.\" As you know that I am living with my uncle but you don’t know that my own family lives in Patna only. It’s just that they don't want to keep me with them and believe me you are the only one who has wished me a birthday today so far.\" I really wanted to ask her that why is it so but I controlled my curiosity at that point of time which I guess was a prudent decision. Meanwhile she continued. “My heart really is more than anxious to ask the god that why he made me a girl. When I was a child I was suppressed to do domestic works, my mom always made me remember that I am a girl and I should know to do those works. I was not allowed to play outside and my talking with boys was forbidden. Chandan, can you tell me why it happens with girls only?\" She looked at me. The question was genuine but perhaps I was not the right person to speak on that matter and somehow she knew the fact because she didn't wait for the answer much longer and moved on. “I was more than interested in singing but my family especially my mother was against. It really hurts if a female cannot understand the pain of the same gender.\" She again looked at me to get my reaction but I was not sure what kind of reaction was required there. I could see sparks in her eyes but I was more worried about the boys who were staring towards us from a gap made in wall. Perhaps they were thinking that we are a couple and they were waiting for the moment I will kiss her or hug her (huge entertainment isn't it) but the reality was that I was listening to an irony of a society which worships MAA DURGA and harasses their daughters. Though it was not the first time that I was listening to such a thing but yes I have never faced it live. It was really against etiquettes to interrupt Gayatri but I was left with little choice because of the boys who were more than inquisitive to witness a romantic scene. “Gayatri, don't you feel that we should eat something now. It will help you to yield energy to continue with your life story.\" I said to Gayatri and I knew that it was rude. She gave me a hard gaze (must be thinking that she was sharing her pain with me and I was feeling hungry, what a loser). However, she noticed the boys looking from the gap and stood up without wasting a fraction of second. We went to the canteen and ordered samosas for us. She pushed her plate towards me and asked me to finish the samosa. I looked at her with surprise asking whether she is ok.\" Yes, I am ok it’s just that I don't like eating samosas.\" I quickly responded, \"In that case we can order something else for you.\" She saw my eyes very deeply, so deeply that I trembled for a moment. \"Do you know that you are very good at heart?\" She said it very softly (even I had difficulty to hear that). I smiled in return and thought whether it was the right time to propose her but my plan was shattered when I heard her next sentence. \"I wish to be your friend forever (Just friend! I consoled myself thinking that at least she didn't say me her brother). She took a piece of samosa and placed that into her mouth. “You know one thing; I love them all (I guessed she was talking about her family and not the samosas). The feeling of discrimination has sculptured a kind of inferior complexity in me. You must be thinking that what rubbish I am telling you.” I was not sure how to answer this question but I nodded my head with a smile and said “not at all, in fact I am happy that you are sharing these things with me (I was not sure why I was telling her that I was happy if she was sharing her pain with me).” I held her hand just to give her a feeling of support (and get a feeling of something else). Well, I don’t know whether she felt the security but yes, this action pulled the attraction of several people there. We realized it and went away from canteen. She asked me that whether I can come to Gandhi maidan (a place in Patna) at evening and of course I was more than willing. The sun was slowly going down in west and I was waiting for Gayatri. Gandhi maidan was a big playground surrounded by bunch of trees; it was crowded by the evening walkers who were spitting after every couple of steps as if it’s a formula to keep you healthy. I got a bench there and sat there wondering whether it was a date. I saw Gayatri coming with her bag. Her blue SALWAR-SUIT was looking rattling and her way of walking made me to remember an angel I saw in a movie few days back. She came closer and said hello to me. She said that so slowly that I was a bit confuse whether she was saying me or herself. She kept her bag on the bench (between us as the Great Wall of China) and sat slowly on the bench as if it will break if any jerk will be given to it. She looked at me and I gave her an intimate smile. She opened her bag and pulled Tiffin out of it. “This is for you.” She said slowly and handed over that Tiffin to me. I opened that box and guess what it was HALWA (sweet dish) inside it. I took out the spoon and without wasting a second I was on to it. After finishing it half I realized the mannerism thing and with a shameless smile I offered that HALWA to her (ideally I would have given HALWA to her as it was her birthday). She politely declined my offer and said, “You like sweet things very much, isn’t it.” I gobbled up HALWA and said, “How come you know?” (Of course after watching me eating like a dog even an idiot can guess that). She smiled in return and started looking at the boys who were playing cricket. I saw her face very closely for the first time. All of a sudden she turned to me and this was the first occasion that our eyes were encountering each other. We kept on looking to each other for a few seconds than she lowered her gaze. I could see the drops of tears stuck in the corner of her eyes. I held her hand and asked her what was the issue which has become a matter of annoyance for her. She again saw in my eyes for the sake of her heart (perhaps wanted to believe me). I waited till she is finished with her analyzing mode. She took about three minutes to get in control of herself and wiped her tears with her beautiful DUPATTA “I am… a widow.” She said it with great pain. I felt a sudden attack on my heart. I held my breath to understand the situation. My lower jaw felt a kind repulsion from the upper one. My voice was desperate to be transformed into a scream. Meanwhile she continued, “I was married with 19 yrs. old boy when I was only 11 yrs. old. The boy to whom I was married was killed by some unknown deadly disease just after 9 days of our marriage. I still don’t know the name of that disease. My parents sent me to my SASURAL with a cousin and my in laws refused to keep me and sent back.” She stopped for a while to take breath and wipe her tears. “Chandan, I don’t have words to explain my position at that time. I had no idea that what was going on. My biggest disappointment came after my own family rejected me and I was bound to remain outside my own house’s door for two days without eating or drinking anything until my MAMA came and picked me up. I still remember that I was just knocking on the door hoping that my father will come and will hug me, hoping that my mother will call from inside that the meal is ready and I am getting late to have my meal but no one came. My anguish does not end here. My family chased me and they fought with MAMA because he was patronizing a widow girl, for them I was just an omen.” She was not able to control herself anymore and got up. She had a look on me and her eyes were asking me that why it happened to me only and not with you. I had no answer. She again wiped tears from her face and controlled her emotions (probably she was not willing to show her agony to the eve walkers). She kept the tiffin into the bag and started walking away without waiting for my reaction or even without looking at me. While going she said, “I wish to be your friend forever.” I saw her leaving and her blue SALWAR-SUIT was still looking marvelous. Her way of walking still made me to remember an angel I saw in a movie a few days ago. I remained rooted for next half an hour and wondered about the facts of our society which is really hard to even think of. A father who is the happiest person on the earth when a daughter is born could also become a merciless and heartless person who can leave his own nine years old daughter knocking the door for two days. Gayatri remained an angel for me then after though she never talked to me again.


Submitted: June 24, 2011

© Copyright 2021 manav. All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments:


Facebook Comments

Other Content by manav

Short Story / Horror

Short Story / Memoir