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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
he sacrificed himself for the sake of his mother ..

Submitted: November 23, 2015

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Submitted: November 23, 2015



The sacrifice.


Thinking At night ..
Thinking At dawn ..
Thinking in the morning ..
Thinking all day long ..

My head is about to explose 
My nerves are shaking , i feel so close 
I don't understand , did someone died?
If not , then Why all my mother 's doing is to cry ?

I asked her what 's wrong ?
Nothing , she said .
I answered  : don't lie mom .
She cried , and cried again , held me in her warm arms , and said : darling ..he's gone.

Me: who's gone mummy?
Mum: your Dad sweety .
Me: When will he comeback ?
Mum : (wishpers) never. I hope . 
I was so young , i couldn't knew what my mum meant with her words ''never . i hope''.
She went to take a shower , i followed her to the bathroom , i saw her taking her clothes off , throwing them on the floor ,the skin on her back wasn't as pure and white as the skin of her face , scars were all over her grey-purple back . 
What i saw was horrible , i felt a lot of things in one minute , the picture was much clearer to me , i knew immediately what she ment with her words , i also knew the reason why he's gone ..that man who once was my father ..was my hero .. was my idol ..He hurted the mother of his child with carelessness , he used to beat her , he used to insult her , he enjoyed seeing her crying so that he gets the chance to wipe the tears falling on her cheeks with his tongue , then start playing with her hair and take her to bed as if nothing happend .

I was young .. that's right , but i was old enough to know that my father was a living devil ..a criminal ;  i was old enough to ask her the question :

Me : Why didn't you break up with him mummy ?

Mum : I thought you'll be asking me why did i hide this from you (smiles) .

Me : i would of know what was going on if you broke up with him ealier than now .

Mum : (smiles again ..puts her hand on my face ) You've always been my smart little boy , and you will always be that way even when you'll be as old as me .

Me : Answer me mum , please ..

Mum : I did it for you my child , i always thought that one day he will change , he will be a better husband , a better father , a better ... a better person . I really thought that i could save our marriage , i didn't want from you to grow up with no father , i thought that i could help him to change , but i couldn't do it ..(sits on the ground as if she was begging ,  me -her son- , and starts crying ) i couldn't save your father son , forgive me because i couldn't save your father ! (cries again ) Forgive me for being so weak , forgive me for not being strong enough to help a sick man to change ..

That was the most painful moments i've ever experienced , seeing my mother -the only person that loves me more than herself- sitting on her knees , begging me to forgive her for a mistake that she didn't commit , forgive her for what my father did , i saw pain in her eyes , i saw that she was thinking that she let me down while it's my father who let all of us down , i saw how she suffered for years and years for the happiness of another person , the happiness of her child ..

I somehow felt that i was responsable of my mother's pain too , if i didn't exist she probably would of broke up with him a long time ago , or at least went to the police , but she couldn't because he was my father .. And now even after he's gone -forever , i hope - , she still is as sad as before because of me , because i 'll grow up with no father , i tried to make her understand the fact that i don't need a man in my life who will make her miserable , but i did saw in her deep blue eyes that she didn't believe me , i heard her crying every night in her bed holding my picture and asking for forgiveness .

My mum had a lot of trouble at moving on because of my existing , so i've tried to act as an adult , and fix the situation , i said to myself : 

-If she's sad because she keeps worring about me , maybe i should just diseappear from her life in a way that she'll be certain that i'll be gone forever . 

i wrote this text that you are reading right now , i wanted from her to read how i felt , i wanted from her to know that i love her , i love her , i very much love her ! And i'm sacrificing myself because i want her to be happy :

- Mum , please be happy , don't blame yourserlf anymore , don't make this sarcifice unuseful , and never forget the very true fact of my deep sincere eternal love to you . Move on with your life , fall in love again but this time don't choose your eye candy , you must settle down with your soul food . Your soul mate.

i was staring , staring at the window

i was thinking , hugging my pillow

i saw the sunrise , i didn't spoke a word 

i moved the chair from under my feet , then said goodbye to the world 


  Manel Ch .

© Copyright 2018 ManelCh. All rights reserved.

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