THE SACRIFICE

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
he sacrificed himself for the sake of his mother ..

Submitted: November 23, 2015

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Submitted: November 23, 2015

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The sacrifice.

 

Thinking At night ..
Thinking At dawn ..
Thinking in the morning ..
Thinking all day long ..

My head is about to explose 
My nerves are shaking , i feel so close 
I don't understand , did someone died?
If not , then Why all my mother 's doing is to cry ?

I asked her what 's wrong ?
Nothing , she said .
I answered  : don't lie mom .
She cried , and cried again , held me in her warm arms , and said : darling ..he's gone.

Me: who's gone mummy?
Mum: your Dad sweety .
Me: When will he comeback ?
Mum : (wishpers) never. I hope . 
I was so young , i couldn't knew what my mum meant with her words ''never . i hope''.
She went to take a shower , i followed her to the bathroom , i saw her taking her clothes off , throwing them on the floor ,the skin on her back wasn't as pure and white as the skin of her face , scars were all over her grey-purple back . 
What i saw was horrible , i felt a lot of things in one minute , the picture was much clearer to me , i knew immediately what she ment with her words , i also knew the reason why he's gone ..that man who once was my father ..was my hero .. was my idol ..He hurted the mother of his child with carelessness , he used to beat her , he used to insult her , he enjoyed seeing her crying so that he gets the chance to wipe the tears falling on her cheeks with his tongue , then start playing with her hair and take her to bed as if nothing happend .

I was young .. that's right , but i was old enough to know that my father was a living devil ..a criminal ;  i was old enough to ask her the question :

Me : Why didn't you break up with him mummy ?

Mum : I thought you'll be asking me why did i hide this from you (smiles) .

Me : i would of know what was going on if you broke up with him ealier than now .

Mum : (smiles again ..puts her hand on my face ) You've always been my smart little boy , and you will always be that way even when you'll be as old as me .

Me : Answer me mum , please ..

Mum : I did it for you my child , i always thought that one day he will change , he will be a better husband , a better father , a better ... a better person . I really thought that i could save our marriage , i didn't want from you to grow up with no father , i thought that i could help him to change , but i couldn't do it ..(sits on the ground as if she was begging ,  me -her son- , and starts crying ) i couldn't save your father son , forgive me because i couldn't save your father ! (cries again ) Forgive me for being so weak , forgive me for not being strong enough to help a sick man to change ..

That was the most painful moments i've ever experienced , seeing my mother -the only person that loves me more than herself- sitting on her knees , begging me to forgive her for a mistake that she didn't commit , forgive her for what my father did , i saw pain in her eyes , i saw that she was thinking that she let me down while it's my father who let all of us down , i saw how she suffered for years and years for the happiness of another person , the happiness of her child ..

I somehow felt that i was responsable of my mother's pain too , if i didn't exist she probably would of broke up with him a long time ago , or at least went to the police , but she couldn't because he was my father .. And now even after he's gone -forever , i hope - , she still is as sad as before because of me , because i 'll grow up with no father , i tried to make her understand the fact that i don't need a man in my life who will make her miserable , but i did saw in her deep blue eyes that she didn't believe me , i heard her crying every night in her bed holding my picture and asking for forgiveness .

My mum had a lot of trouble at moving on because of my existing , so i've tried to act as an adult , and fix the situation , i said to myself : 

-If she's sad because she keeps worring about me , maybe i should just diseappear from her life in a way that she'll be certain that i'll be gone forever . 

i wrote this text that you are reading right now , i wanted from her to read how i felt , i wanted from her to know that i love her , i love her , i very much love her ! And i'm sacrificing myself because i want her to be happy :

- Mum , please be happy , don't blame yourserlf anymore , don't make this sarcifice unuseful , and never forget the very true fact of my deep sincere eternal love to you . Move on with your life , fall in love again but this time don't choose your eye candy , you must settle down with your soul food . Your soul mate.

i was staring , staring at the window

i was thinking , hugging my pillow

i saw the sunrise , i didn't spoke a word 

i moved the chair from under my feet , then said goodbye to the world 

 

  Manel Ch .


© Copyright 2017 ManelCh. All rights reserved.

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