Thompson's Turkey Recipe

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

Out of sheer boredom; this was a form of amusement
for me...Ha!

The Thompson Turkey Recipe

I’m bored to tears with nothing to do
so I’m writing another rhyme for you
it’s about a real fellow some may know
and I learnt about him some time ago

This one is going to be very hard to take
just thinking about it brings a headache
it’s about Morton Thompson’s long recipe
and I gotta tell ya it had an effect on me

He authored the book called, Not As a Stranger
a movie was made, Directed by Stanley S. Kramer
he worked as columnist and liked to cook
he made up this recipe, it’s worth a look

Ever wondered how turkey stuffing came about?
Well, this character started it; without a doubt
people have shortened his ingredients I dare say
but the original is here, and it’s going to dismay

Before you start, better mix a good drink
but don’t get too tipsy you’ll need to think
it requires more attention than a new baby
and not for anyone who can be a bit lazy
this turkey is work no shortcuts you’ll see
so get yourself ready to work along with me

Buy a big turkey weighing 18 to 30 pounds
Butterball is best with the research I found
the meat is much sweeter they’re fed only corn
it’s only a suggestion there’s no need to reform

Put the neck, gizzard, liver and heart in a pot
add a bay-leaf and some garlic, well chopped
cover with 5 cups of water or a quality stock
with some salt and coriander then simmer the lot
keep mixture covered don’t let the steam escape
it’s the liquid you’ll need when it’s time to baste

Get a giant bowl that will hold lots of stuff
because this is the part that is going to be tough
there is 40 ingredients that you have to mix
by the time you’re finished your arms will be stiff

You will need to prepare for this by getting ready
to a smaller bowl add the spices which are plenty
dry mustard, caraway seed, celery seed, poppy seed,
black pepper, oregano; use about 2 tsp. of these
next; mace, turmeric, marjoram, savory, sage, thyme,
(damn I’m finding these spices quite hard to rhyme)
basil, and chilli-powder; about 1 tsp. if you please
1 Tbsp poultry seasoning, and salt, don’t forget these
add; 4 Tbsp parsley, and 4 crushed, headless cloves
(why it’s like this; only Morton himself knows)
Now chop the following, and please do as your told
I want you to add all of this to the same bowl
4 onions, 6 ribs of celery including all of the leaves
Crush 5 garlic cloves, 6 dashes of tobasco at least
this is all ready for when it needs to be used
and completing this step is really good news

Now I would like you to get another large bowl
toast two loaves of bread until it looks like gold
then turn into crumbs when they are dry and cold
use up your stale bread that is dried without mould
sauté ¾ lb of ground veal; along with ½ lb of pork
add 1 lb of butter and cook stirring with a fork
don’t cook too long only until meats no longer pink
then take a rest, and have a sip of your drink
Add all of this to the crumbs, and thoroughly mix
now I’m asking myself; why did I start all this?

Get another large bowl we are going to add more stuff
dice up 2 apples and an orange; I know this is rough
drain 2 cans of water-chestnuts, add zest of one lemon
1 can of crushed pineapple; these flavours are heaven
chop candy ginger 3 Tbsp in all, but more if you like
set this aside; mix another drink, add booze to spike

Separate 4 eggs we’ll be using the yolks for our paste
we are going to use this like a coat; later you’ll baste
mix into the yolks 1 tsp dry mustard, 1 garlic, crushed
add juice of one lemon, and juice of an onion is a must
add some flour a little at a time; make it quite stiff
this is the last of the ingredients affixed to the list

Prepare a roaster with a good sturdy large rack
now we mix all this stuff; don’t dare get slack
get the largest bowl you can possibly find
add all the ingredients in bowls that I rhymed
don’t use the paste or the simmering pot yet
keep them aside ready; to them we will get

We need a hot oven so pre-heat to 500 degrees
stuff the bird, coat with the paste now please
brush on some paste put it in the red hot oven
when it turns golden brown coat again; be lovin’
reduce heat to 350; keep brushing with paste
use every bit don’t let any paste go to waste
when this coating looks all cracked and black
we’ll start basting with that liquid; 6 stanzas back
To our simmering pot of entrails; add 1 qt of cider
baste the bird every 15 minutes; so use your timer

Cooking time for this is about 20 minutes per pound
the work of this recipe is tedious, but it will astound
when it’s cooked, remove from the heat and cool
then remove the black coat using some sort of tool

Make gravy with all the juices in bottom of pan
then remove all the stuffing, but keep it on hand
carve up the turkey; place it out on your platter
and listen to the guests as they rave with chatter

You may wonder if I tried this recipe or not
in nineteen-eighty-nine I gave it my best shot
the work was intense, and caused much pain
I don’t mind telling you; I won’t do this again

This rhyme is long and not that much use
but I decided to do it; for myself to amuse
I had to find out if a recipe could be rhymed
and picked out the hardest one I could find
if you want to try it, go to windows explorer
then type in this title, and experience the horror!

In case you are wondering how it did taste?
It was the best darn turkey I ever did make
I have an old press-clipping dated nineteen- thirty
mother saved the original recipe of Thompson’s


Submitted: March 20, 2009

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Add Your Comments:



OMG! Lol! Brenda.. When does a person have time to eat the turkey? HAHAHAHA! Your hilarious.

Loved it!

Angellynn :)

Fri, March 20th, 2009 1:49am


It's a 24 hour job I can tell you that.
Good though...I can't believe you read
the stupid thing...My Vic said when he
proofread it..."You are nuts" Ha!

Thu, March 19th, 2009 7:03pm


Lord in heaven! That is some recipe there girl!

You are MULTIFACETED........THIS POEM IS AN AWESOME SAMPLE of what I mean when I tell you you really can WRITE. I could not have done justice to a recipe! this is tribute to you for your skill and talent as a writer. You can turn anything into a poem. I cannot.

this is indeed your forte. Writing rhyming poety on anything - humorous, sentinemental, dark, gory, sad.... YOU DO IT.

Power to your elbow (and with that bloody recipe, i reckon you need a power elbow!!!

I fell about when you said you disinfected the sink and mix ingredients in there - how the hell dig all that 'stuff' go in the turkey?????????

Very funny and BRILLIANT WRITING Benda!

repeat after me 'I, Manyfacets own up, that I am in fact AN AWESOME WRITER!..........

Vee x

Fri, March 20th, 2009 2:06pm


I'm almost embarrassed to tell you but I didn't read
all of the recipe instructions before I started.
I had stuffing in an amount that would keep us going
from now until the rapture...My turkey was only 12
pounds!...Don't you dare laugh! It was a tragic event!
I threw it son said "Mom I like your old
stuffing better"...He usually helps every Christmas
with the stuffing...and always gets that worried
look before we start; remembering that time we made
the Thompson recipe...I told him I had a new recipe
last Christmas and he said "Oh No!" panic stricken.
Too funny for words...Thanks for the fun comments
Kindest regards B.

Oh by the way my leg is much better
this week so what ever you are doing for me is working!
I need therapy now it's weak from inactivity.

Fri, March 20th, 2009 7:30am

Night Write

Oh my GOD! You blew away and have me craving turkey! What a magnifacent piece!!! Very created and written extremely well...I can see this winning prizes and ending up in a famous cook book! I wonder if I can get my aunt to make this for Thanksgiving. She always haves every body over but this here, YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY! WOW!!!

Sat, March 21st, 2009 12:13pm


If you love and value your Aunt...Don't do it!
Making this recipe may kill her. Thanks for
taking the time to read and comment. Hugs B.

Sat, March 21st, 2009 5:24am

Gift Of Noni


Ha Ha Ha, That is SO Brenda!!!!!!!!!!
I loved it. Thought one good recipie and a laugh deserved another, but I'm sure you've seen this traditional favorite.


1 or 2 qts. rum
1 c. butter
1 tsp. sugar
2 lg. eggs
1 tsp. baking powder
1 c. dried fruit
1 tsp. soda
Lemon juice
1 c. brown sugar
1 c. nuts

Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality. It must be the best quality. Now go ahead, select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the rum again. it must be just right. To be sure rum is of the highest quality, pour one level cup of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. (Good isn't it?) Repeat aforementioned procedure.
With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup butter a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 seaspoon thugar and beat again. Meanwhile, make sure rum is of the finest quality, test another cup. Open second quart if necessary. Add 2 arge leggs, 2 c. fried druit, and beat until high. If druit gets stuck in beater, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the rum again, checking for tonscisticity. Next sift 3 cups pepper or salt (it really doesn't matter which). Sample the rum again. Sift 1/2 pint of lemon juice. Fold in chipped butter and strained nuts. Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar, or whatever color you can find. Wix mell. Grease overn and turn cake pan to 350 gredeese. Now check the rum again and go to bed.

Sun, March 22nd, 2009 1:42am


Hi Tim
That is a funny one, and it is new to me. What a hoot!
I must try that Rum Cake may cure what (ales)
me ha, ha. Kind regards. B.

Sat, March 21st, 2009 7:08pm


Are you going to Scarborough Fair?

Mon, March 23rd, 2009 12:45pm


Haven't made any plans...You?

Mon, March 23rd, 2009 5:57am

Helena Parris

Holy tamoley! I'm sticking with StoveTop! I would never attempt a turkey anyway. Now roast chicken I will do. And I might try that rum cake, Gift of Noni!

Sat, March 28th, 2009 11:48pm


Thanks for the comment Helena...I'm pretty sure the
Rum Cake it easier to make, and take..Ha, ha
Kind regards M.

Sat, March 28th, 2009 4:53pm


this is a good stuff.

Mon, March 30th, 2009 11:25am


Hello aruntp:
How nice of you to read, and comment on my silly "stuff"
Kindest regards M.

Mon, March 30th, 2009 7:07am

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