A Feeling....

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
A collection of some feelings I jolted down when I was in a tough spot..

Submitted: December 18, 2011

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Submitted: December 18, 2011

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~ I can't explain..I know I should be feeling, well I do feel something, but its more like a few somethings. I feel anger towards the fact that life- my life- went from being everything I'd always wanted: good home time, fun school time- to a constant hurt. I'm sad at this as well. I'm hurt. I thought for once, everything would be- could be- good. But I guess thats just another thing I was wrong about.

~Words cannot even begin to describe how I feel: So angry yet sad. Hurt. Hated. But most of all confused. All I ever tried to do was plaese people. Make them happy. I'd tell them the truth, yes, but always made sure the truth was something they'd like. I'd jump through hoops, bend over backward, ANYTHING they wanted, but nothing was ever good enough. They always wanted more. I was Never good enough. Why is that.?

~Sometimes Hope isn't enough. Sometimes Doubt finds it way through, into your head. Sometimes you need more- much more- than Faith. Sometimes when the thing you need is Trust, it evades you, until you've lost Hope and Faith and are consumed by your Doubt...

~There are things, Wonderful things, that make you feel so many amazing ways, such an anazing way. These wonderful things take so much to aquire and you do not think you will ever experience such ways, Then you do- it hits you: that wonderful thing finds you, rather you found it. Its what you've always imagined- and so much more. You love it.! You love feeling the way. You start to let go and endulge. You forget about all the warnings, you don't care. You think this will last forever. Then, in an instant, everything- that way that feeling- is revealed as a LIE.

~Why do I feel like this.? I know I shouldn't. I know I should feel the opposite. I shouldn't want the things I want. I should be happy that I know the truth- or atleast happier than I am. I am in much more than agony. For more reason than one: I want what is worst for me, but what will make me happy. But based in what I know, every time I try to pursue what I want, it pops in my head, constantly reminding me of the past. Reminding me of what went wrong.

~On time was all it took. One moment. It was fin at first. All of us. Then we were alone. All that effort that was put into staying strong, staying away, staying apart was shifted towards the backof minds, forgotten for the while. The only thing that was remembered was the past. Not the one that led to the wall, but the one before that. The one with smiles and joy. The one that was sought. For that one speck of time. that one flash of time stopping. That. One. Moment. the one everything went back to the way it was before. It was nice.

~An escape, to another world. If only for a day, and hour. any amount of time away. Somewhere I could forget everything- everything that troubles me. I could juts endulge in happiness. Let go. Enjoy - thats something I haven't done in a while- had a real smile. Somewhere with just me-alone but too pleased to worry- too content to remeber anything. An escape to a wonderous place- filled to the brim with joy. An Esacape.

~ At a loss for words and thought are clustered. No single answer to any of the questions I have. Not a lyric comes to mind when I try yo unlock how I feel. How do I feel.?

~I'm sure thereis something- beyond the stars  , pass the horizon. Something somewhere that is worth all this pain. I am sure we're enduring all this for- well everything happens for a reason.

~ Somethings make us fall, Then stronger. Others just make us fall. 

~You could see it in her eyes, her body, the way she clutched that ticket that she thought might somehow open a door. you could hear it in her voice, her laugh, when she talked to him. She still cared.  When getting ready she didnt picture the faces of possible new guys, she thought about him. she played it off well though- having others believe being near him hurt, when she really longed for him to hold her.

~No matter where I am, what I'm doing, who Im with, My mind always drifts back to you. Whether I be in my room with nothing to concentrait in or a gathering where I should be preoccupied, You always have my thoughts.Its the things you say or do- or what others say about you. My mind always takes focus on you. Your words haunt me in the best of ways. Your touch the feel of you close to me leaves me wanting more. Your smell either your breath mixing with mine or when you pull me into an embrace is intoxicating. Everything- even remotly about you consumes my every thouhght. My very will going against logic to be with you.

~There is something there, I cant explain. Its in broad daylight, yet it hides. It takes the form of something good then gets in our minds. Tricks our eyes. Makes us happy then cry. Its a crazy ride. It powerful beyond compare. Thicker than blood thinner than air.It lie. It makes fake bonds. It pretends to stay the it flys and its gone. Its a mirage: makes you think its back then you fall. 

 


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