My You

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
An open letter to the one I will be in love with forever.

Submitted: April 11, 2016

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Submitted: April 11, 2016

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You have been by my side since we were six years old. I let your brother chase me when we were kids while you chased my best friend. You both gave me the boy-next-door iconic experiences that I am so grateful for. That I wish on everyone. I want everyone to have a you of their own. It wouldn’t be fair without you everywhere.

I fell in love with you while you were dating my best friend in college. You were sad, and I was there. I fix broken hearts for a living. I wanted to fix yours. I thought it was for her, or maybe for you.

One night we took a walk outside and you told me some of your secrets. My heart for you, and could have died to have you that night and it has yet to let go.

One night I asked you to rescue me, and you did. Watching you protect me from the man who was breaking my heart makes me weak in the knees to this day.

One night I was crying about death. You physically held me. You were my shelter, my safety.  You never questioned me. You knew what I needed, because it was what you needed.

I’m not only a fool for you, I’m just a fool. I didn’t see it. I was afraid of it. I was terrified of it.

You were my best friend for those years. I pretended to smoke, just so I could spend as much time sitting on your porch as humanly possible. You were the grounding to my proverbial magic unicorn side; I was the banter, you were the rolling eyes. You adored me but never inflated me. I worshipped you but never told you.

You went on vacation with your brothers. You called me when they called their other halves. I didn’t tell you, but I considered myself yours even then. Even though I couldn’t say it.

More than once, we went down into your bedroom. I wanted to stay there every time.

I found myself in your bedroom, naked, one morning. I got scared, and I ran. Because that’s what I do.

What I really wanted to do, so badly, is to wake you up. Make you roll your eyes. Banter. Kiss you. Love you. Feel you. Breathe you in and stay.

There was never any animosity with us. But I lied to you. Every time you asked me if I wanted to be with you, I said I didn’t know what to do. I was lying through my teeth. I hope you could tell.

You married the next woman after me. I desperately desire for you to be happy and fulfilled. I was never ready for you the way you were ready for me. I don’t know if I would even be ready today. I didn’t want to destroy you. That would have destroyed me.

You, since we were six, have been my sunshine and my shelter and my storm. You have my heart.

If the loves of my life lined up in front of me, and I was to choose one to start over with, it would be you.

No hesitation. I would sprint to you. You would pick me up, I would hide my “I’m sorry” face in your shoulders until you make me look you in the eyes so you can forgive me and we can start over.

No one else.

Not the high school sweetheart.

Not the current best friend who can’t seem to love me back.

Not the crush.

Not the one I should be with but can’t love him back.

Not the one I love who is 743 miles away.

Not the one I love for a moment.

Not the man who is too old.

Not the man who is too young.

Not the man who is off-limits.

Not the one who got away, or the one who can’t seem to stay away.

If the universe asked me, who is yours? Where is yours? My compass points due you.

They say to let things run their course. I would die to imagine that our course has been run out.

You are my butterflies. You are my hope. I love you. I don’t mean you any harm. Just the love that I can’t help but have for my greatest partner.

Until we meet again, in this life or another.


© Copyright 2017 margjoiedevie. All rights reserved.

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