people in love

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
i guess this is how it feels when people are in one sided love.

Submitted: February 18, 2016

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Submitted: February 18, 2016

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People in love

 

And I remember that day when I promised myself I would never  ever cry over man again.

I remember I promised I would love unconditionally…

I remember how I was hoping not to get hurt…

Hope makes man crazy…

20 years of waiting and 5 years of torture and I’m still hoping…

I don’t even know what I’m hoping for…

When I close my eyes all I see you in the rain, smiling with that genuine smile and feeling blessed by heavens.

Her lips are pressed against yours. You can feel her whole body, her fastened heart rate and trembling breath.  It was like one of the movie moment everybody would love to live in. I was hoping to be in that moment, be the moment, but I ended up on sideways.

I knew from the begging you would end up with her.

You were never meant to be mine but I was still hoping.

I never knew… I never wanted to rely on someone, but you broke me.

I don’t want world to see me, cause I know it’s not right. I know you were never meant to be mine.

Your embrace was closest that made me feel at peace. How pathetic…

I could recognize your smell from miles apart.

All I ever wanted to be was understood.

All I ever wanted was for you to see me. You saw me for me but I guess as usual I was not enough or I was too small to be loved and too big not to be unnoticed.

You loved her…

You loved her smile… the way her eyes sparkled when she was talking about something she was passionate about and I saw how her smile reflected upon your face. It took your breath away and gave birth to the new moment of your life that  forever would be imprinted in your mind.

I wanted to be happy for you… I am happy for you, but I would be lying if I say that I did not want to be the person who would put that smile on your face.

I don’t know why I fall for you. It was quick and innocent, but after some time it turned to something I would regret for a long period.

I love distractions. I love creating mess.. leaving teeth marks on the body..

Scratching someone till they start bleeding and leaving my finger prints on their beating heart.

I love sound of faded heart. I love hearing how it tries to stay alive in my hand, with each loud beat , 5 second silent follows.

But most of all I love love. It destroys and builds you at the same time.

Love is like ticking bomb, one wrong move and everything blows up in your face, leaving scares.

Irony of this is that love tried to fix the scars and now it just left you with even more of them.

Now you are radioactive. You deteriorate more and more as time passes.  Count down has started… it’s like when you are looking at sunset on the beach. The sun kisses the ocean and sky as witness start to blush, creating beautiful pink aura with sun kissed orange warmth. At some point you get lost in beauty and you forget that this was goodbye kiss and all you are left with is darkness of the night. Starts might come out.  None of the start above feels as warm as the sun, as big and real as sun was.  Even though you realize that starts are bigger and they might light up the way back home, they are not so special.

 Sun was only one, starts are many.

To pass the time you get lost in the night. Get lost in emotions. It feels like you are in the limbo of emotions and you are drawing in emptiness at the same time.

 

It tears me up. I’m trying to hold on but it hurts too much. I try to forgive but it’s not enough to make it all great. Memories run deep.  Now every memory hurts, even the ones that seemed so harmless. In attempt to forget the pain you try to create new memories.

This attempt leads to even more mistakes. Realization sinks in, scars seems bigger and world feels smaller after every passing hour.

Pieces don’t fit anymore. Everything starts to change and you start to lose yourself.  Cross every line, test the limits to start feel alive again. You don’t want to be you anymore. You try to break every habit and jump over every line that was stopping you before. Nothing matters. You were not special before and even if you change now, no one will notice. There always be someone better, brighter, cuter and more lovable. All you need now is to stop and erase. Start from nothing.., you will start from nothing again since now everything is destroyed, including yourself.

And that was love for you. It was weapon for your own distraction, you never read instructions. Love never followed any rules, there was nothing you could have done from the begging, but now you can start from scratch again.

You have one last chance to put yourself together …


© Copyright 2018 marko lu. All rights reserved.

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