Pilates or Pirates?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A humorous look at an exercise class.

Submitted: February 07, 2019

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Submitted: February 07, 2019



Pilates or Pirates?


Cherry had locked herself in the bathroom.  It was the only room in the house with a lock so she could have some peace to finish her book.  She only had one chapter left and it was really  exciting. She finished work early on Thursdays so she could get home and cook dinner before she went out.

She could hear them all downstairs - well the men anyway - her daughter Kate was in her bedroom - supposedly doing her homework but obviously not, as who could concentrate with the racket coming out of there?  She was into punk rock at the moment. Cherry had her headphones on to shut out the noise which was deafening.  It never seemed to affect the men, probably because her brother played in a rock band and her dad was weaned on Pink Floyd.

"Mum, where are you?" it was Toby yelling up the stairs and he was so loud she could hear him over Kate's music and with her headphones on.

Cherry stayed still and hoped he wouldn't come up the stairs as she had 3 more pages to read before she went out to Pilates.  Next thing she heard him banging on Kate's door so she knew she would have to give up before WW3 started to erupt.

"I don't know where she is - thought it was her Pilates night?" good old Kate can always rely on her!

"Well her car is outside so she must be here somewhere!" replied Toby" I wanted a lift to Tim's as we are supposed to be practicing tonight, she usually drops me off on the way to Pirates, suppose I will have to get the bus now!" he groaned.

Now Toby has a string of GCSE's is studying for 4 A levels but is inherently lazy.  If it were Kate she would be going in every room till she found her mother but Toby - no - she is not where she is supposed to be - in his mind the kitchen - so he gives up. Cherry could hear Kate giggling - Pirates indeed.  Shejust had a vision of everyone arriving with eye patches. Then she heard the front door slam - hooray she could finish her book after all.

10 Minutes later she was out of the door.  She usually went with her friend Susie but she couldn't make it tonight as she had Parents Evening.  No matter Cherry was happy to go on her own as they were a good crowd and a brilliant  teacher who worked you hard but made it fun and enjoyable.

As she was a bit early Tina (the teacher) saw her come through the door and pointed to the golf balls.  Oh dear, she timed that wrong! She hated the golf balls but Tina was always telling them all how good they were for exercising your feet and toes.  Cherry was sure she was right, as she usually is, but she obviously wasn't doing the exercise right as it hurt her toes.  Oh well, no escape.  There were 8 of them in her class so once the others arrived the class began.  Tina was on fire tonight.

"Now ladies I want you to think about your core and your pelvic floor tonight.  We will start off on the floor laying on our backs and I want you to focus on your breathing" Tina said in her sleepy gentle voice.

"Now are we all happy and breathing, are we concentrating on our pelvic floor.  Are our shoulders loose, are our feet hip level apart.  Are we breathing deep into our chest.  Is our chin tucked in"

Cherry felt the rythymm of Tina's voice sending her off to sleep, she only needed a clock on a chain in front of her and she would be gone.

"Cherry are you breathing, I don't want to have to resuscitate you and Susie isn't here tonight who is our registered First Aider" said Tina in her sing song voice "Emma bring your knees back to the hip level they seemed to have lost their way.  Now bring your left leg to tabletop.  Oh dear some people seem to be having trouble telling their left from right Sonya. Perhaps write on your hands next week, that will help"

There was a gentle titter around the room with relief that they had got it right.

Penny, who always gravitated to the front row was really going for it and lifting her leg as high as she could.

"Penny are you comfortable lifting your leg that high? it only needs to be at tabletop for now or is your table at home the height of a breakfast bar ? Now ladies lower your left leg down to the floor and stretch it out in front of you pointing your toe.  Are you all breathing? Is your pelvis level would my gin and tonic survive on your tummy? Is your chin tucked in? Sheila are you all right you look a bit puzzled? " Tina sounded concerned.

Sheila got a bit confused sometimes and after 2 instructions she seemed to switch off and just do the first part of the exercise.  At other times she got in a right muddle.  You could actually see the terror in her eyes when the wobble boards came out.  She told us after she always feels there is a little gremlin underneath hers waiting to wobble her off.

"5 more lifts on each side ladies and then pick up your wobble board and socks off it you have them on. Sheila if you want to use the wobble board please do but if not just fold  up your mat and do the exercises on that. If anyone else wants to do that please feel free." said Tina knowing full well Sheila was filled with relief.  

The rest of us felt we could manage and settled our boards on the floor.  Sheila was smiling and looked eager to do the next exercise.  We all managed to stay on and not fall off and even managed the toilet exercise otherwise known as the squat.  We called it that as Tina always said every time we went to a public toilet we would be able to do that exercise so as not to sit on the seat.  She said we would thank her when we got older.  She was right too as being a hater of public toilets it was something that stuck with Cherry. 

It was the last 10 minutes of the class where we started to wind down and did our floor exercises.  It was very relaxing and Cherry was in danger of nodding off as it had been a long day.

"Now ladies is your pelvis aligned? Are your shoulders loose? Are you breathing deep into your ribs? Are your legs hip width apart is your back comfortable? Can we do some bridges to finish?" Tina's voice was getting quieter and more gentle.

All of a sudden there was an enormous grunt which was  coming from the back of the room.  We all looked around to see Sheila snoring her socks off!!!!!!

"I think it's time to go home now.  Goodnight ladies see you next week, I will make sure Sheila gets home safely" said Tina as she carefully stroked Sheila till she woke.










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