This is Too Scandolous for an educational enviroment

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Editorial and Opinion  |  House: Booksie Classic
Kissing is scandalous

Submitted: October 28, 2013

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Submitted: October 28, 2013



?Gather round, guys and gals, and prick up your ears to hear a rather scandalous tale. From hetros to homos and everyone in-between, the average person spends over twenty hours of their life kissing. While this is quite the fun fact, what’s even more intriguing is who one spends all that time smooching. Thanks to the terrifying sexual abyss that is theatre, this author has had enough stage kisses and raucous cast party experiences to learn quite a bit about the kissing habits of both genders.
I’ll leave the dear readers with a moment to comprehend what that meant.
And yet another to gasp with shock, confusion and repulsion.
Moving on, gentlemen and ladies kiss like day and night, and these differences are most prominent in hand placement, lip condition and the duration and pressure of the peck.
?Generally being the more gentle beings, girls tend to have a mild and more “g-rated” positioning of their hands. For every smack on the lips I’ve received from a female, their hands either go to the shoulders or cheeks, with no observed variance as of now. Gentleman however seem to have a harder time grasping the concept of where to clasp their dame. Some perfectly lovely smooches have come out of hugs, while some highly uncomfortable stage kisses include elbow caressing (yes, really), earlobe tugging (no, I’m not kidding), and painful hair-pulling pitfalls (I still have a bald spot.)
?Another difference that is easily identified is the lip condition of the kisser. Ladies tend to have softer lips sans any chapping. However, they also tend to be caked with all manners of lipsticks, stains, and glosses post show, so it’s usually a slimy and unpleasantly flavored experience.( One could also include the bromosexuals in this category in many cases) Gentleman usually have some form of chapped lips, but they’re free of any fruity, sticky gloss ,which makes for a much more pleasant snogging session. Too graphic for your tender ears? That’s okay, we’ll muddle along.
?Lastly, lady-lovin’ pecks are much shorter. Really, they only last for about 2.39 seconds, longer ones lasting for up to 5.69 seconds. They’re also practically pressure free, just a quick caress and retreat. The manly man of the world seem to enjoy a longer salutation however, with much more variance in time spent smooching. They vary from shorter than your average peck to three times as long.(Or more, if this paper is getting even more shocking.)There is also quite an increase in pressure, which can make things quite entertaining or painful, depending on the suitor. (Just to put it out there, boys who love boys tend to be the most aggressive kissers, in this author’s experience.)
?So there you have it, cats and kittens, a dissertation on smooching, from boys to girls and all those caught in the middle. I hope you’ve enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed researching for it *shocked gasp* and you haven’t lost too much respect for me in the process of absorbing its information. Toodles!

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