Momma's never reacting to anything father does. He sleeps until three in the afternoon and waits for the money. The stupid thing is he doesn't allow to her to work and expect something out of her. I don't know how she...takes all this in, him bi*tching about her family, saying they're handicap, useless, mafias, how they are hating on him, especially when they help him (through my momma).
The worst, THE WORST, that he said was calling her a prostitute. That she does have another son out there somewhere. He is a greedy-thinking-he-so-big-because-he-could-yell-at-momma-to-get-something-out-of-her-selfish-always-complaining-how-life-is-rough-when-he-gets-his-money-just-like-that-when-he-start-bi*ching-sh*t-at-my-mom-and-call-his-kids-stupid-useless. I HATE HIM.
I forgive, I try, I can't forget because the memory keep coming back to reality. He called me a prostitute, like my momma, he called me useless and stupid, I don't mean it like it was a joke, but seriously. Calling his own daughter a prostitue is way off. I WANT to be fatherless, I never felt pity for him, if he becomes lonesome. I don't want a father. I don't want to have anything related to him or his family. Treating me and my siblings like sh*t and think they doing us all good. They're retarded. What world have they been living in. I don't know how others might feel, but I hate to be called stupid, especially since I worked, I mean work, like any teen+ would work outside to get paid. I started since I was 10. And since then, I lost my childhood life, no going outside, don't know how to dress and hard to make friends due to the difficulties I'm stick with. I still am bearing this. I don't know when will it end....will I be able to still have life?...
I hate my momma's husband, I hate him, I hate him, bi*ching at my mom, yelling at me, saying sh*t to all of us. I HATE HIM.
Now, I don't know what my momma's planning. She's been taking in whatever he throws at her and doesn't do a thing. She's scared.She THINKS she can't do anything, but I KNOW she can do something. She doesn't want us fatherless, I tell her right now I feel like I'm fatherless, just feeling like I was sold to someone and call them Masters. Momma, I think you 'love' him, for not wanting him to go away, but the love is not strong enough. He's a devil, a cold-selfish person, once he is, forever he would be. I killed my heart for him a long time ago and it's not going to make its way back in my heart. Momma sometimes, you get me too. I wish you don't turn on me too. I don't want to believe what's coming, I don't want someone I've been rooting for to leave me. Momma sometimes I think you are evil. Prove me wrong. I know what I'm seeing, I don't want to assume, I don't want you to be like 'him'. But even if you do, everything in this family, well most thing, it got me cold, I don't know how to love, but I want to, I don't know how to start a proper chat with a friend, I want friends, I want life.
Momma, you getting people to hate on you, even your own family, just 'cause of your husband. Is it worth? I always thought of a plan B. To grow up, take my money and live off. It's easy to just divorce, as in to get away from him. You'd feel guilty, I don't blame you. But I see this as, the longer you keep him, the more you kill your own life. My life, it's like anything, I feel like a animal, never seen the outside world, heard enough of it.
Maybe I'm being too selfish, one-sided thought right now....
Me, Imma say something. I thought I had real friends, y'know the ones that always keep you in mind and all. But it's not fair, how my brother, get these guys and all Ihave are these people who uses me, especially girls. I think guys are more trusting than girls. People use me for their accomplishment. I HATE IT. I wish I had the courage to get them off of my back. They aren't true, so Iain't true to them. They don't deserve my feelings. The more the feelings of emptiness I get, the more heartless I feel. I wanna meet someone true, not like me, someone who can just say whatever, do whatever they want. Am I being....a bit off?
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