Austins death

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

The Tuesday I died with him.

It had been a year since I had moved. It was my second year at this school. I was a 7th grader. I had become close to a few people. Sandra and Sarah were two girls who were half Emo and half Scene. Theywere silly like me. They drew monsters and random objects like the Mexican Pancake. Then there was Kelli, she was, and still is, a sweet girl who doesn't like to make trouble. And I hung out with Austin, mostly. I don't think I will ever met someone who will ever impact me as much as he did. Austin and I first met when we started to sit by eachother in Advs. Math and in Science. In Math, we sat in rows. Five rows across and six seats back. I sat in the second row and Austin sat right behind me. We became very close. We would pass notes and I'd turn around and chat with him. I can't even begin to count how many times the teachers moved us around because I turned around so much, they thought I was cheating. We started to text eachother.. a lot. We text 24/7. In one month I had over 23 thousand texts, mainly to him. We talked about our past, cutting, secrets, friends, B.S., death, religion, and more. We became really close.

One Tuesday in March, Austins birthday, at 2:57 in the moring, I got a picture message from him. It was a picture of his arm. He had cut so deep. Thankfully they were high up on his arm. He was freaking out because he didn't know what to do or how to stop the bleeding. Later that morning, in my second special, I drew Austin a picture. On the back of the paper, I wrote a suicide poem because he loved my poems. On the other side, I drew in bubble letters things like, "Cutter, Emo, Cut My Life Into Pieces, and Blades" I gave it to him. He loved it. It was almost scary because he carried it everywhere. I couldn't help but laugh at him. It was his birthay, so he could do what ever. I remember him telling me that it just ment he had servived another year in Hell. He hide his cuts for the first week. It was okay because I was making sure he stayed happy and that the cuts didn't re-open or get gross.

The next Tuesday was just a normal day. Sandra and I were walking to Art and she was telling me she was never going to talk to Austin again because he had cut. I told her she was retarded. The rest of the day was really boring. During Writing, my last period, I was talking to Sandra about the cover of her ABC Book about ourselves, that she had just finished. As we were talking and joking, Austin walked by the door. I could see his face pass by the little window cut into the door. He must of saw me looking because he came back and pressed his face against the glass and make the nastiest face until i couldn't help but laugh. I loved when he smiled. It made me feel so happy to know he was happy. I felt like it was my job to keep him happy. He pointed at me, making his silly face fade to become very serious. he signed for me to come ou into the hallway with him. His serious face was always his impression of Mr. Grove. Man, did we hate him. Everyone was running around our classroom, only a few watching the dumb movie our teacher had put on. I went to my teacher, who was texting, as always, and asked if I could go to the bathroom because I had something in my eye. Without even looking at me, she said I sould.

I ran out into the hallway and started talking to Austin. We were messing around and being silly. We realized that Daniel, a kid in our grade, was walking a few yards in front of us, kept giving us dirty looks. we hung out by the bathroom for a few minutes and talked about how weed was in the bathroom. Don't ask me why. I don't remember. As we walked back to class, we realized it had been at least 20 minutes. We walked as slow as we could on our way back.

"What class are you in?"I asked him.

"Adams," He complained.

"Haha! That sucks. You better get back to class before he kills you," I teased.

"Shut up! Your in Shroyer. She doesn't care," He said.

We walked past my classroom and past his. I got another drink at the end of the hallway, then hugged Austin. We both went back to class.

When we got out of school that day, I started talking to Austin. I had to go to Dance at seven. And at about six, he said he had to go because he was going to ride his fourwheere. I told him how luck he was, told him I loved him, then said goodbye. When I got out of dance, my step mom took my phone. I was freaking out thinking I had done something wrong and was in trouble. In the car, Tonya was talking about hoe parents let there kids use toys that they shouldn't use. I started freaking out. I knew something was wrong. I started saying names, "Stacy?.. Brookyln?...Who! Tell me," I begged.

"Its the last person you'd ever ecspect," Tonya slowly said.

"Sandrs??.. Kelli?.. PLEASE!!!! TELLME!" I cried.

I was bawling like a baby and I didn't even know who got hurt. I got home and I ran inside. My dad and two of my brothers were sitting in the living room. I was still crying. Christian was reating Ice Cream and Seth was watching Basketball. My dad stood up and hugged me. I walking into my room and sat on my bed and just, "Who is it?" My dad said Austins name. My heart broke. I couldn't breath. All I could do was scream. I felt so numb. If no one was there, right then, I would've gotten a knife and killed myself too. My parents left me alone and gave me my phone back. I turned it on. Kelli had called me a million times, trying to make sure I was okay. The first thing I did was text Austins number. I prayed secretly that it wasn't true. I didn't get a response. I called Kelli back and found out people were meeting at the school.

On the way over to the school, I called everyone on my phone. Crying to the knows who knew and telling the ones who didn't. When I got there, I found Kellis mom and hugged her. I couldn't stop crying. I ran inside and all my friends were there. All but the one that I wanted to see. I cried. I hugged people whoI didn't know, whoI hated. Summer came in and she hugged me and I told her that she had to promise me never to cut again.

I spent that night with Kelli. My life since March 19th 2009, had been Hell. And always will be.

I still cry at night. I still miss him. Summer still cuts. So do I. Many people cut now. I day dream of him sometimes. I can never stop thinking about him. That week, poeple told me they felt bad for me and Summer. That we had been hurt the worst. They had no idea. I didn't break my promise, I didn't go home, I cound't stop crying. She did. I can't tell you how hurt I am still today. His pictures are all over my room. I think about him. I even want a tattoo in honor of him. He was my best friend and he always will be. I hope, maybe oneday, I can smile a real smile. Maybe when I get in Heaven, we'll never have to leave eachother again. Some people at school found the suicide paper I made him the week before. I had to go to the hospital. I went to a therapist. They found out I had cut and still do. Life sucked.. and still does. I will never forget the one full week that Austin got to be 14.

Submitted: December 12, 2009

© Copyright 2020 Massiebabe. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:



Truly I think this is very sad. And I feel bad. I'm sorry for your loss.
I would like to say though that cutting doesn't do anything but cause more problems. I hope that you take the loss of Austin as how out of control something like this could get.
I have a friend who used to cut. God she still might and I have no idea. She did a lot and she almost killed herself when she was fourteen. You should embrace life at your age even with the loss of your best friend. Find hope in everything you do. No I'm not going to say "We all love you" because I don't know you and I don't want to be so cliched to say that.

I'm very sorry for your loss and I hope you never forget about him. He sounded like a great friend.

Sat, December 12th, 2009 2:35am


Thanks. :) I'm okay. And I'm trying to stop cutting.

Sun, December 20th, 2009 2:58am

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