Memorial, My Love

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

the carcass of a bird inspired me to write this, although it has a strange relationship to my life as well...

Memorium, my love,
Only those flashes
of time, a short time,
You sang, danced,
skipped into air..

felt breath,
loved life,
was perfect inperfection
and disappeared into...

Memorium, my love.

Covered by flames
of licking fire or
the warm, earthy
soil to hide your
earthly shame.

This is it - isn't it?

We gave you to the wild shores,
and left your soul to those that
came before...




Submitted: June 22, 2007

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mmm... very good writing matmoo...

just check your word usage, at times it makes your writing a bit clumsy, interrupted.

Fri, June 22nd, 2007 3:32pm


thanks for commenting!

i realise that I partly make up words in this poem, i agree that it makes it interrupted, but this is part of the effect i want to create. my style is generally quite 'stop-flow'. I guess I have a view that is more focused to the finished effect than the 'correctness'.

But then again, if the effect appears clumsy like you say, you're probably right!

it's good to get feedback.

matmoo :)

Fri, June 22nd, 2007 9:35am

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