Repeat, Repeat, Repeat...

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: War and Military  |  House: Booksie Classic
War might never seem to change, but war changes man.

Submitted: September 01, 2012

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Submitted: September 01, 2012

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 Repeat, Repeat, Repeat...

 

War seems to never change, but war changes man.

People before war have nothing to care about, nothing to fear.

People after war are scared, and have gone insane. They change. I have changed.

I have changed but no one seems to notice it. I'm back at home with my wife and son, and they don't notice that I'm a different man,

changed by war.

Hot showers. I haven't had one of those in months.

Hot meals. I haven't eaten something so delicious in years.

Warm little hugs. I haven't hugged my son since he was two.

Soft kisses. I forgot what my lovers lips felt like.

Comfy bed. I haven't slept for days.

Thousand yard stare. I cant sleep anymore.

Visions of what I have seen flash like a movie in my mind.

The death of my fellow men, the death of my friends, the torture of the enemy.

Never stopping,

Always repeating.

Then I wake up.

Repeat...

Hot showers, hot meals, warm little hugs, soft kisses, comfy bed, thousand yard stare,

repeat, repeat, repeat.

Every night I see something new.

The long hours of training,

The bullets that kept ringing,

The bombs that kept falling, and falling and falling...

Then everything repeats.

I am afraid to open my closet everyday

When I open it i always look to the left, the very left.

There hanging is a uniform with different shades of green and browns,

With patches on the shoulders.

The tan boots that rest just beneath it.

The helmet that is nestled on the shelve above with dog tags slung around it.

Tears and screams fallow.

Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Hot showers, hot meals, warm little hugs, soft kisses, comfy bed, thousand yard stare, tears and screams,

repeat, repeat repeat.

They don't seem to notice but I do.

I feel empty inside

A big gapping whole in the middle of my chest.

Hot meals cant stuff it, the hugs cant heal it, the love cant shut it.

War can fill it, blood can flood it, death surrounds it.

Nothing can fill this whole.

No hot showers

No hot meals

No warm little hugs

No soft kisses.

Only war.

When I returned I was more aware of my surroundings.

I knew she was seeing another man when I was gone.

She is still seeing that man.

She denies it,

My friends don't know it,

My mother says leave it,

But they don't know how much I have changed, what I have seen.

What I cant unsee...

Hot showers, hot meals, warm little hugs, soft kisses..

No comfy bed for me.

There is another man in there with her.

I beat him almost to death, till I freeze in mid punch.

Thousand yard stare.

When I come to, things have changed

Cold showers, slightly cold meals, no warm little hugs, no kisses, fighting, uncomfortable couch, thousand yard stare, tears and screams.

repeat, repeat, repeat.

She is gone, and so is my boy.

Now they see I have changed.

Now they see how insane I am.

Everything repeats!

It all REPEATS!

Cold showers, Slightly cold meals!

REPEAT, REPEAT!

No more hugs, no more kisses!

REPEAT, REPEAT!

No more sleep, Thousand yard stares, more tears and screams!!!

REPEAT, REPEAT, R-E-P-E-A-T!

REPEAT!...

 Its over now.

They are gone.

I am gone,

and no one seems to see it.

dressed in my uniform,

from boots to helmet.

Dog tags around my neck.

hole in head, gun in hand,

blood is soaking the carpet.

No more cold showers.

No more cold meals.

No more hugs.

No more kisses.

No more comfy bed, only sleep.

No more thousand yard stares.

No more tears and screams....

I am now whole with everyone I lost...

Repeat,

Repeat,

Repeat....


© Copyright 2017 Matthew Ryan Kelly (CK). All rights reserved.

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