Grimey Tales Of Grange Valley!

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

This is a poem for a story I'm working on. I have written this as it will be the introduction but I also wanted to entice a few people before I start writing the story.

the story I will develop will be in chapters, and each chapter i am looking for peoples feedback and ideas for the next piece, If I like any ideas I may work on them :D so please give feedback.

I don't have a job, my cash is running low
Stuck in a ragged rut, makes my anger grow
People’s prejudices put me in a bitter hole
My girl's in our homely hut, pissed over our swindler role
Times like these I wish I still smoked
I’m craving, as tears leave my face soaked

So much ambition in my heart, but no opportunity
School considered me smart, but I’m in this shoddy society
I wish I knew where to start, they call the poor a minority
I just want to unfurl, but they won’t let me
Can’t even look after my girl, Oh god Judy

Six months without a smoke
Judy thinks it’s all a joke
After today I’m considering sparking this roach
Only way I can escape these peoples reproach
A chance to hide away, help forget how they gloat
I’ll give a damn another day, tonight my mind can float


Submitted: October 28, 2012

© Copyright 2022 matty6666. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Carlee

I loved it. I love the words you put in this & the way you wrote it. You are talented. Keep writing(:

Sun, October 28th, 2012 9:09pm

satellite23

That was awesome, Matty! The lyrics flowed nicely--now, you just need to post an MP3 of you rapping it!

I loved some of your word choices: "unfurl","sparking this roach", etc.

Line 4: put an apostrophe in "girl's"

Mon, October 29th, 2012 12:35am

Author
Reply

Oooo I don't no if i have the confidence in my voice to rap it haha! Maybe ill try it! Thanks for the apostrophe feedback its much appreciated !!

Mon, October 29th, 2012 2:41am

kimmysweetie08

That was really good! :) I love the rhyming of words. Really good. It's descriptive and made a clear message of what you're trying to say. Thank you for inviting me here. You're a wonderful writer! :)

xx K.C. Sparks

Mon, October 29th, 2012 1:25am

Author
Reply

Hey thanks

Mon, October 29th, 2012 2:43am

The Jester of Punishment

I got to say this....Loved it. I honestly cant wait for the chapter stories. I want to know about this person, his life and Judy..Lol.

-JTOP-

P.S Check out my new story Fallen Darkness.

Mon, October 29th, 2012 2:01am

Author
Reply

Hey thank you I'll keep you updated !!

Mon, October 29th, 2012 2:43am

Moira Garcia

I think its pretty good, tell me about more of your stuff!

Mon, October 29th, 2012 2:20am

Author
Reply

i will keep you updated !!

Mon, October 29th, 2012 2:45am

JessicaGoodwin

dang i can relate. good stuff, good stuff!

Mon, October 29th, 2012 2:38am

Shekhar Srivastava

I really liked it!!! A good piece of writing it was! Keep me updated with your writings especially, when you will publish your story based on this poem!!!

Mon, October 29th, 2012 4:10am

Author
Reply

Hey thank you ! I will do :D

Mon, October 29th, 2012 2:46am

Ian Dawn

Nice I like the dispair in this its all around you. Nice work man as usual, great idea and rhyme it didnt feel over done or contrived it flowed nicely. Good job mate!

Mon, October 29th, 2012 5:51am

Author
Reply

Hey Ian thank you man! I always rate your comments because you know when to be critical!

Mon, October 29th, 2012 2:48am

Uzmie

This was some awesome writing, keep it up. Thumbs up!

Mon, October 29th, 2012 7:17am

cindyexoh

I think this is an amazing poem!

Mon, October 29th, 2012 7:49am

animefreak77L

This was incredible tell me when the story is out I'm intrigued :)

Mon, October 29th, 2012 8:42am

Author
Reply

ill keep you updated :D

Mon, October 29th, 2012 2:39am

Black hearts

That was incredible!!

Mon, October 29th, 2012 11:04am

Teegan

wow i honestly didn't expect it to be that good. but it blew me away. the word choice, and simply the topic itself was incredible! I loved it! KMU

Mon, October 29th, 2012 2:09pm

Author
Reply

Hey thank you :D !! i will do x

Mon, October 29th, 2012 1:33pm

LilLoCksea

Hmmm,,,your good i dont only mean your writing style i mean the way you stopped smoking for the person you love=] yeah everyone goes through a dip in their lives but i do believe everything happens for a reason....who knows maybe you'll become famouse*

Mon, October 29th, 2012 2:49pm

Author
Reply

I didn't quit for the person I love in real life :P ! it's based on a fictional character! i have quit smoking but I did that for myself ! thanks btw :D

Mon, October 29th, 2012 1:34pm

Edwin Mwintome Bozie

I love it. You're all round I see. Most of your poems I've read so far described fear in itself and the strength to overcome it. This is a bit more practical. It talks about the poor who try to survive in society and those looking for a second chance. It's a nice theme. Keep up the good work.

Mon, October 29th, 2012 3:20pm

Author
Reply

Again you describe the meaning I am trying to get across! I respect your opinion, like I said in my previous poem you help me realize that I am getting my message across correctly!

seriously thank you for taking the time to write a comment this detailed, that little more is so helpful to me! Again thank you Edwin !!

Mon, October 29th, 2012 1:38pm

Katniss

Sounds liek it could be a rap! :3

Mon, October 29th, 2012 4:52pm

Author
Reply

That's where I get my inspiration from when I write poetry! I guess one day I should pick up a mic !

Mon, October 29th, 2012 1:38pm

THEBLACK

rap it bro if u can!
coollll......
chek out keep the faith n bad yields bad...may gain somthing...

Mon, October 29th, 2012 6:27pm

Author
Reply

If i was going to rap I would have to write a lot more than these three stanza's ! Yer Ill have a look cheers !!

Mon, October 29th, 2012 1:39pm

SoulShadowWalker

again... nice work!
has a certain flow and it's relatable.
bloody good work =]

Mon, October 29th, 2012 6:48pm

ashi17

Good work Matty, keep writing :)

Mon, October 29th, 2012 8:49pm

Phoenix Elvis Nicholson

Your words inspire music

Mon, October 29th, 2012 9:19pm

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