Three Words

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Contest entry for 'FlanneryChallengesYou' :)

When two people love each other, but just can't say that words.

Submitted: October 22, 2013

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Submitted: October 22, 2013

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Three words

They say love is a feeling that if you’re lucky, you experience it once. However, that wasn’t the case with me.  I’m walking towards the door, not knowing what I’m doing, it seems crazy that I forcing myself to place my foot in front of the other.

I open the door and I see him. I want to hold him and slap him, to kiss him and kill him. I hate the way I love him. I stand there, waiting for him to speak.

‘Let’s walk, shall we?’ He whispers, and I nod.

It was barely dawn when we reached the beach, with no one there and the sky still dark. It seemed like we were the only people left in the world, as though everyone had left. I stop walking and it takes him a while to realise and we come to a halt.

‘You know why I called you right?’ I asked, forcing him to turn and face me with my words, which came out cold and desperate. The wind suddenly picks up and I wanted to take back those words and just let him hold me. But we could never do that.

We would never be a normal couple, we weren’t even a couple. We were two people that manipulated each other over the years, and caused our hearts to be so scarred that we knew that we could never love someone else again. If this was love, it hurt. I loved and hated him for all these years, but he was always a part of me. I could never be Lena without him.

He doesn’t say anything, but stops and places his hands on the rails of the sideway, looking at the waves crashing on to the shore. His jawline tightened, and I knew that he knew. I knew him better than I knew myself, and I knew.

‘I can’t give him an answer until I get one from you, about the question I asked you from a year ago.’ I say, breaking the silence. His eyes turn to me, and for a moment, I saw a flash of the man I once knew. I know that he’s still there, somewhere inside. After all the years of heartbreak, lust and love, I just wanted him. The flash in his eyes disappeared, and then came the coldness icy stare that made me shiver.

‘Don’t go with him.’ He says in a blunt voice.

I’m not happy, and I’m not angry. I’m confused, ‘why? Give me a reason.’

He moves so suddenly that the moment I blink, I’m in his arms. I want to fight him, but I couldn’t. He was like a magnet, that every time he touched me, I would just fall for him. That is why I had my heart broken so many times. I push him away, with force, ‘tell me what I want to hear.’

'You don't want to go with him.'

'Not good enough' 

'I don't want you to go.' 

I shake my head at him, 'no, still not good enough. Three words, eight letters.'

‘You know I can’t.’

‘Say it.’

He would never say the three words. They came so easily for others, but if we were to say them, we would break. It was like losing, a game that we played for so long. We were tired and exhausted, but the game still remained, until one person lost, like always.

He sighs and I finally crack it, ‘we’ve been together since forever, we knew each other better than we know ourselves. We keep saying that we don’t love each other when we do. We give up every time it gets hard, and finally I found the chance to be happy but I can’t let go of you. Every time I try to move on, you’re there like –.’

I couldn’t finish the sentence.

He smiles, ‘that’s how we are Lena. We’re sick and twisted people, we like to play games. We can’t be like normal people, that’s why you won’t go. You can never be the normal girlfriend. You're Lean Weatherstone and you won’t settle for that.’

‘I'm ready to settle. It’s like you won’t let me be happy.’

‘You know I want you to be happy, more than anything.’

I look into his eyes, and see me reflection in them, ‘then look deep into your soul, which I know you have, and tell what have – had, was real. Tell me you love me, and I’m all yours. If it’s real, we’ll figure it out. But if it’s not, if it’s just a game, then please, Adrian, just let me go.’

He looks at me, and I seem him think. I remember all the times we were together; they were all coming back like photographs. When we kissed, fought, cried, everything just came together. At that moment the sun rose, and there was light touching his face. He was so beautiful and wicked and I honestly don’t know why I loved him.

‘It was just a game, I hate to lose. You’re free to go.’

Coldness radiates through me, a solid wall that is growing, piece by piece, in my chest. He doesn’t love me. But I smile, I was free. I was free to love the man waiting for me, a man that would never let me go. I take a deep breath, ‘then we can be friends.’

He looks at me strangely, as though the words I said shocked him, and when he opens his mouth, all that comes out is a whisper ‘we can never be friends.’

‘Perhaps, we could try.’

We take a step towards each other and we hug. The warmth from his body makes me shiver, like the feeling of being ‘just friends’ after everything we’ve been through was new. I clutch on to his shirt and hold on for a few more seconds before letting go.

We pause in silence and his lips fell against mine. This is what we were. Hate and love mixed into one. Sabotage, lust and love were so hanging on a line to thin that we sometimes couldn’t tell them apart. I kissed him back, our mouths moving as one, and I can taste him. I can taste the bitter and sweet memories of the past, and I knew why we could never be.

It was impossible. We could love each other, but never be in love. We’re just not like that. We pull away and walk our different roads. It was then that it struck me.

Perhaps he never loved me

Perhaps we never loved each other.

Perhaps it really was all just a game.

***
A quick glance into the mind of Adrian

The pain was like being hit by car ten times. We walk away from each other, and each step is more difficult than the last; the heaviness fills me and turns my limbs into stone.

I stop mid-way and see turn around to see her walking away, and I knew she was free.

Why did you just do that Adrian? A voice asks me inside my head.

I smile and look up at the sky, ‘because I love her, and I can’t make her happy. So I let her go’

Turns out she was wrong and that I lost the game.

I guess I’m romantic after all.

 

Author's Note: I think that this story was inspired by Chuck and Blair from the famous drama, Gossip Girl. Though they had a happy ending in the end, they had a unique love story. They loved each other, but at the same time, hated each other. They treated each other like objects, a possession. They cared for each other, but sometimes it got hard. 

I think the story above tells us that something in order to love, we have to let go. If you read 'Just You', another piece of writing, then you'll pretty much the gist what I'm trying to say.

I remember that there was a quote that someone special said to me once, that the tighter you hold on to someone, the quicker it slips away. Take sand for an example, if your hand is in a fist, you'll hold less sand than if your hand was open. If it's meant to be, no matter happens, they will come back, if they don't, then it was never meant to be.

 

 


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