Octopus Pizza

Oscar floated ungracefully through the various tables of his underwater laboratory. The nub of his eighth tentacle ached more than normal, and he absently mixed dangerous chemicals as his mind wandered. There was a dazzling flash of pink light, and the water around him swirled angrily. Oscar slowly blinked his eyes, forcing them to adjust to the new brightness. The chemicals had reacted violently, shattering the test-tubes, and shards of glass fell through the water like flakes of fatal snow. Oscar’s black octopus eyes widened in shock, as he saw that pizza was growing like fungus in the center of the pink haze.

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The slightly radioactive glowing pizza was growing steadily into an extra large variety topped with green pepper and pineapple. Oscar cringed at the random toppings, especially when Italian sausage formed on top of the gooey cheese. Still, thought Oscar, he had inadvertently found a potential solution to the food shortage that occurred after the oil spill which no-one talked about for fear of being fed to Sal the Shark.

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A heavy, persistent pounding sounded on the heavy metal doors behind him. Oscar flinched, sensing the presence of the much-feared jellyfish police. The heavy iron doors were blasted of their hinges. Oscar hurled the radioactive pizza at the jellyfish that were swarming through the door. The gooey cheese clung to their watery forms, and Oscar dove past them, narrowly avoiding their poison barbs. Oscar sped towards the surface, knowing that few sea-dwelling creatures could catch him out-of-water. Oscar broke through the surface, knowing that his mutated form could breathe both in and out of water. Oscar’s psychic senses alerted him to a new danger. Susan the squid came galloping along the water’s surface on a three-headed gazelle made of fire.

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 Oscar’s three hearts pumped furiously as he tried desperately to out-speed the determined sheriff of the sea.  It quickly became apparent that the gazelle was faster; Oscar’s only hope was to outsmart them.  Oscar abruptly stopped in his tracks. The blazing gazelle stormed towards him with relentless fury. Oscar leapt into the air as the gazelle passed under him and spewed thick black ink directly into the sheriff’s eyes. Susan lost control of the gazelle, which stumbled and slammed into water, fizzling out of existence in a hiss of steam and smoke.

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Susan flailed helplessly in the water, before transforming into a massive pterodactyl. Oscar leapt into the water as the winged beast snapped at him with is razor sharp beak. Oscar leapt out of the ocean and threw two starfish like ninja stars. The shuriken starfish latched onto the pterodactyl’s leathery wings, giving Oscar time to escape towards the horizon.

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Once he was far beyond the sheriff’s jurisdiction, Oscar let himself relax. The flying octopus scientist flinched as he felt the psychic pleas of a small group of penguins being held captive by a herd of dolphin-zebra hybrids. He knew from the rumors he had heard through the grapevine that the dolphin-zebras sold black-market green tea to caffeine- addicted sea turtles. Oscar, the slightly-psychic seven-tentacled-octopus scientist turned vigilante knew that he was late for the tea party, and that it was up to him to save the captive penguins, and stop the sale of illegal green tea.