I have always been the sweet, inoccent, shy, respectful, giggly, sensitive, and caring girl. I always and sadly still, believe in fairy tales and happy endings. When I was in grade school, like all kids that age, I always had a boyfriend. The thing is, i always believe that one day I would marry that boy, have three kids, and be a teacher. Wow, that just sounds like every girls dream. But still, to this day I believe it..But don't most people?__I finaley went to big high school in the eigth grade. I was smart, pretty, single, band geek, with many friends and still the same girl I always was. I never looked at anyone as a bad person until they have done me wrong.___Remeber that time at band camp? Yeah, well I wish I didn't. I walked into the band room, of course for band camp, and was greatly watched by the boy, who in my eyes looked amazing. You know the old saying, never judge a book by it's cover, well it played a big role in my life. He had long blonde hair and hazel eyes. Wow, it just blue me away. He played music by ear and his music played in my heart. I never thought he would like me though. Days passed and I recieved a message on facebook and it was from him. I couldn't believe it as a smile ran over my face, I opened the message. It read, "Hey,,I don't know If you do. But I really like you, if you don't like me too, I'm sorry to bother you. I just thought I needed to tell you." So of course, I told him I liked him to.___His name was Cody. None of my friends liked him. Cody was, he was diffrent. He wasn't popular but he wasn't a nerd. He was a gamer but not the nerdy kind. He was really into music. Cody was shy but he was mostly very insecure. I fell in love with him and I thought that no one could love me better. But I knew there was something more to Cody,,then what I most could see.___One day I was in the car with his mom and we were going to watch a church play he was in. She said to me, "Megan, I need to tell you something about Cody. And he doesn't like people to know. But, I know he really loves you. Your a caring and loving girl and I know you'll understand." I said, "Okay, what is it?" She said, "About a year ago when Cody was in eigth grade like you, his grandfather died. His grandfather was basicaly Cody's dad. Cody's dad left me basicaly, because Cody was not a girl when I had him. His dad has nothing to do with him or us. But his grandfather treated him like his own son. He took him everywhere and played with him and just everything. But one morning, Cody was late for school. He woke up and ran to the living room yelling for his pawpaw saying, "Poops! My alarm didn't go off!" "Poops? Grandpa?" His grandfather was sitting in the living room, dead. Cody found his grandfather dead and ran to get me. I came back as the abulance and the police arrived, Cody stated screaming, "Let him go! Don't hurt him!" Cody wouldn't let go of his grandfather and two poilce had to hold him back." I said, " I am so sorry. I didn't know any of this. I'm so sorry." She said, "It's okay. But sweet heart, please help Cody. He sits in his grandfathers truck and cries. He loved him so much but, I just don't know what to do. We really aren't that close because i'm always at work or collage. I really love him, I just don't know how to talk to him." And about that time we reached the church.___I just wanted to cry after that sorry. I felt so bad. We talked about it later. He told me many great things about his grandfather. I really loved Cody.___After a few months Cody and I got really close. He was my protector, he was my sweetie, he was my everything, and no one would change it. I lost alot of friends because they didn't like him. I never understood why though. I lost my chance at popularity. I started to have problems with my parents. My life started to evolve around Cody. But I didn't think it was a bad thing.___Cody had this ex-girlfriend. They dated and she cheated on him in less then a month. I hated her. I hated her because she ruined my last relationship. So knowing that she cheated on him, made me hate her even more. It was almost five months into our relationship and Cody broke his ankle. I helped him but he started getting grouchy with me. We started having little fights. So I started to worry. I got on Cody's facebook and he sent Ivy a message saying, "Thankyou so much for helping me" That made me cry I called him and he told me everything. I told him that one of my friends told me about you and her at church. He fell for it. He said,"All she did was help me around and well,,she tried touching me, but I told her to quit." That basicaly sums it up. I believed it and went on happily. And again Cody and I grew closer and closer in love. You know the saying young and dumb. Well it's true. Sometimes I just think I was asleep the past two years. Because I can't believe how stupid I was.___Months pasted and its almost been a year, without detail. He cheated on me two more times. Then when it was almost 2 years he cheated on me again. Bad. He had a job at at Wendys. He worked with this very trashy girl. I know we judge people badly when they do us wrong but honestly. Who would have thought that he would go for a girl that had piercings, tattoos, smoked pot, and has been with a million guys. Let's face it if you have talked for two weeks and she wants to have sex, you know she is not good!!__But, I didn't know this, well not intil our band trip. We went to disney world. I said, "Sweetie, can I see your phone?" He said quickly,"Why?" I said, "I just want to look at the weather and text my mom." He said,"No, you just don't trust me. You just want to look and see who I'm texting." I said," I do trust you. Why are you saying that?" He didn't answer. So of course anyone would be sespicious about it. And a person with anxeity, like me, would worry to death. I don't want to loose him, I love him so much, Is he cheating again? What did I do wrong? Why? I'll never find anyone else.-I'll never find anyone else.- ____The next day he gave me his phone. I texted my mom. He only had messages from his friends and mom. Then as soon as I was about to hand his phone back a message popped up. It read: From: Zach_ Just sitting at the computer, thinking of you and I want you too;). I just froze. And of course like every guy. "It's not what you think!" I just stood there. Anxeity causes panic attacks. Mine was buliding up. Mumbles in the the backround try to enter my head. "Megan, please, please Megan. I swear. It's not what you think." And I woke up from my frozen stage. I ran into some resturant where my friends were crying. They knew why. They knew it happened again. Cody grabbed me before I could make it to my friends. I try to get loose and when I finaley did I screamed, "Get off!" he grabbed one arm as I swung with the other. He grabbed it in the air and pushed me hard against the wall. He bruised my head, it hurt my back, and left marks on my wrist. He started screaming, "Don't you ever try to hit me again! Megan, I love you...Cody, I interrupted, We are done! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" HIs grip loosened and I took my chance and ran. BUt he followed after me. He got me corned at a rock wall beside of a lake. I wasn't scared. I just wanted to be alone. Panic attacks can cause a person to have absoulutly no control of themselves. And I,,I lost it. Cody was just trying to calm me down. But I was crying so hard. And many people will not understand how bad a senisitive person that has anxeity can cry. And honestly the only way to calm that kind of person down, is to let them cry. We were facing each other, And I looked at him. And he said, "Please Megan, I understand. We are done. But just calm down." I starred into his lieing eyes. After all that I have done for him. I bought him things, my dad sold him a truck, I told him my secrates, I let him look at my body, I let him touch me, I let him hurt me so many times. But yet, I still came back. Everytime he cheated on me. I always came. And for what? What did I ever get in return? Accussion of cheating on him! Love notes! Five dollar bracelet! He never called me! Never ever! We talked like six times on the phone in 2 fucken years! No, I didn't get anything, all I got was fake love. I ripped off my necklace and earrings, and yes ripped my earings out, and threw them in the Lake. He yelled, "Megan stop! No!" I grabbed the necklace I got him, and ripped it off of his neck. He grabbed my hand and tried to stop me. Beads went everywhere. He got on his knees and tried picking them up. And i just climbed on the rock wall. All was at ease. I was done. Cody said, "Why did you do that!?" I just looked at him with tears in my eyes. I calmly said, "Cody, what did I do?" He said, "What do you mean?" I replied, "I never cheated on you. I never hurt you. I tried so hard to be the perfect girlfriend. Why did you do this to me?" Cody said, "Megan, I really son't know. Your a great girl but, I don't know. I love you I honestly do. I just don't feel anything like forever. I just feel like brother and sister." I started to cry again and said, "I just ask one thing." He said," Anything." I said, "Never talk to me agian. I don't care if you love me, but I'll always hate you." Cody said," Please Megan, I still want to be friends, your the only person that cares for me,,the only person that listens to me,,,,"Cody I'm done." ____And that's that. I waisted 2 very long depressing years of my life. All because of big hopes and dreams. Sometimes I think I just stayed with him because I felt bad. But I know it's manly because I felt like--no one else would love me. But, what I felt wasn't love. And my advice to you, don't fall in love so quick. If hurts you once, then leave. It's not worth it. Trust me they can say they'll change a million or 5 times,,but they never will. Stay tuned. Because, life for me has never been better.
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