Gaslighting

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Vintage Publishing
This is all your fault

Submitted: October 16, 2018

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Submitted: October 16, 2018

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Precipitation falls from the sky, in the form of kerosene,

A single match lit, prepared to scorch the earth itself.

Doubt creeps inside of my mind, am I going insane?

Hesitation consumes me, afraid of fucking it up.

 

Confused and disorientated, deciphering mixed signals,

It feels like no matter what, I’m never going to be good enough.

We’re always at war, constantly launching verbal missiles,

I’m always apologizing, regardless of if I’m at fault.

 

Paralysis of the vocal cords, too afraid to speak,

Prior to making a choice, I seek out your opinion.

In a state of permanent fatigue, stuck feeling weak,

When just a few weeks ago, I was feeling like Hercules.

 

A hair trigger temper, miniscule events set me off,

Because I’m too emotional, extreme sensitivity.

Misunderstood, locked in my fortress of solitude,

As hard as I try, I feel nothing inside but negativity.

 

Something feels wrong, but I can’t pinpoint the cause,

Cover up the fuck ups, I can’t bear to disappoint.

Gaps in my memory, visibility obscured by foggy conditions,

This pressure on my shoulders, approaching a critical point.

 

I was much happier in the past, at least that’s how it seems,

Boys don’t cry, feeling guilty without a stiff upper lip.

The only time I believe in myself, is inside of my dreams,

Impulsive and reckless, can’t control my own destiny.

 

Enraged, depressed, self-conscious, lonely, constantly moody,

Descending into insanity, scored high on the test of neuroticism.

The smell of petrol, permeates the air, making me feel loopy,

Proportional to the mental pressure, the temperature rises.

 

Precipitation falls from the sky, in the form of kerosene,

A single match lit, prepared to scorch the earth itself.

Doubt creeps inside of my mind, am I going insane?

Hesitation consumes me, afraid of fucking it up.

 


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