The Price Of Fitting In

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

All my friends are paying it

All of my friends are getting fucked up, how can I stay sober?

 

Tomorrow morning I’ll be paying the price for trying to be one of the cool kids.

 

Pressure keeps increasing, if I don’t partake, my social life will be over,

 

Everything fades to black, I thought this shit was gonna make me feel better.

 

Foggy conditions block the sunrise, waking up with the memories of nobody,

 

Dude where’s my fucking phone? Does anyone know what happened last night?

 

Which one of us was blacked out, underneath the weeping cherry tree?

 

Apparently we had a lot of fun, but what good is it if we can’t remember it?

 

One shot, one drag; I don’t feel anything, up the dosage til my face is numb,

 

When the weekend bleeds into the weekdays, you know something is fucked up.

 

I’m with the homeboys so it’s all good, even though I’m not beating my own drum,

 

No instead I’m dancing in perfect synchronization, with their discordant melody.

 

All of my friends are getting fucked up, how can I stay sober?

 

Tomorrow morning I’ll be paying the price for trying to be one of the cool kids.

 

Pressure keeps increasing, if I don’t partake, my social life will be over,

 

Everything fades to black, I thought this shit was gonna make me feel better.

 


Submitted: August 09, 2020

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KatV

The Price Of Fitting In

This is a powerful piece, and a very high price to pay. I really like how you showed the vicious cycle bye repeating the beginning at the end...doing it all over again.
Every single line makes a statement about "The Price You Pay".
I would like to see you keep the focus on you and "The Price Of Fitting In". There are only a few lines I suggest changing, to keep this focus:
1) "Foggy conditions block the sunrise, waking up with the memories of nobody." to maybe something like, "Waking with a foggy brain, my memories are blocked like the rising sun.
and
"Which one of us was blacked out, underneath the weeping cherry tree?" To maybe something like, "When did I black out underneath the weeping cherry?"
and
"Apparently we had a lot of fun, but what good is it if we can't remember it? Maybe just change the "wes" to I.
Great Poem!

Sun, August 16th, 2020 11:06pm

Author
Reply

Ah, thanks for pointing that out! I sometimes have trouble with keeping my tenses and phrasing straight throughout. I also agree with you, the cycle never actually ends which is why it starts and ends exactly the same.Thanks for leaving the comment, appreciate it!

Mon, August 17th, 2020 4:02pm

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