To The Bone

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
How far the pain goes

Submitted: June 26, 2019

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Submitted: June 26, 2019

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The pain goes far deeper, than my dermis and epidermis;

 

Permeates through the skin, and it goes right down to the bone.

 

Tearing at the fibers, an injury from trying too way to fucking much,

 

Body on the line for a few bucks; walking a tightrope without a harness.

 

God damn I’m only twenty two, shouldn’t be crushed by so much pressure;

 

Didn’t graduate from college like my peers, precedence was taken by survival.

 

The lights have to stay on, my family has to eat, yet I’ve still been feeling suicidal;

 

Cause I know that I’m not good enough, cause I know my check isn’t enough.

 

Like fuck I’m sorry I chose the wrong profession, I’m sorry I can’t be the provider,

 

But at least I’m trying, learning to be the man on the house on the fucking fly.

 

I don’t wanna talk today, just leave me the fuck alone, this drink isn’t cider,

 

Once I start to get loose, mentally and physically, then I’ll let you know.

 

Stay in bed for hours post awakening, cause I don’t wanna face the pain;

 

It starts in my chest and my rib cage, then it will shorty extend into my legs.

 

Full moons in my eyes, I’m using again, my last resort so I don’t go insane.

 

M&T cutting itself, never saw that much blood, even when I cut myself,

 

Trying to roll with the punches, but there’s so many, I’m starting to get vertigo.

 

This fucking bloodline is cursed, one good thing, following by ten bad things;

 

Like fuck man, it’s feeling like I was only made to suffer, only made to suffer.

 

Emotional support buddy, but when I start to hurt, there’s nobody to comfort

 

Me or hold me in their arms, and tell me that it’s all going to be alright in the end.

 

I’m a loving son and not an ATM, or at least that’s what I’ve been told;

 

Don’t believe it, though; cause my self worth is tied to my bank account.

 

My life is falling apart, partially from my own bad decisions, can’t avoid the fallout,

 

I’m a fucking ticking time bomb, it’s only a matter of time, before I’m fully exposed.

 

Lying to my family through unbrushed teeth, when I’m fucking waking up hungover,

 

“Oh I didn’t sleep well last night” or “Oh my IBS is just acting up”, my default excuses,

 

We’ll call it a gap year, so tell me, why I’m always digging into my fucking backpack?

 

I’m not normal, my goddamn mind is warped from years and years of an abusive

 

Parent, my self esteem and confidence is lying cold, somebody fucking call 911.

 

All of this effort can’t be for nothing, if we regress back to the status quo,

 

Battled depression and anxiety, and kicking addiction in it’s fucking teeth.

 

We’re fucking poor, let’s just get that out of the way, we’re happier despite that,

 

This won’t last forever, I’ll will us out of here, a situation that we will outgrow.

 

The pain goes far deeper, than my dermis and epidermis;

 

Permeates through the skin, and it goes right down to the bone.

 

Tearing at the fibers, an injury from trying too way to fucking much,

 

Body on the line for a few bucks; walking a tightrope without a harness.

 

God damn I’m only twenty two, shouldn’t be crushed by so much pressure;

 

Didn’t graduate from college like my peers, precedence was taken by survival.

 

The lights have to stay on, my family has to eat, yet I’ve still been feeling suicidal;

 

Cause I know that I’m not good enough, cause I know my check isn’t enough.

 


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