Killing the Baby

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
TRIGGER WARNING.

Crimson is 29 now and after MANY conversations where her mate makes it clear that he does not yet want children she finds out she's pregnant. She is devastated. She wants a young of her own so bad but knowing he doesn't she's terrified he might leave her. Crimson blames herself for getting pregnant and struggles with what to do next. Will she tell him in hopes he too will be excited or will she keep everything a secret and return to the doctors to terminate the pregnancy?

DISCLAIMER: Crimson started out as fan fiction and I'm slowly trying to get out of another person's story line and put Crimson into one of her own so there are a few things in this story that some people might not understand. She's a vampire (But not overly so) so she needs to fed from her mate in order to stay healthy. She also mentions going through a 'needy' which in the books she is based off of is the only time a female vampire can become pregnant.

Submitted: October 13, 2015

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Submitted: October 13, 2015

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Crimson chewed her lip, a blanket laid out over her naked bottom half as she waited for Jane to come back into the exam room. She hated Doctor Jane. Anyone that was going to tell her something was wrong with her or make her talk about things she didn’t want to say were people she did not want to be around. Even when she knew she had to.

 

Jane came back in the room finally and Crimson started to chew on her lip harder. She should have gone to her mother, asked her to come. Or fuck she should have just waited for Oliver. “I ah…” She tried to get down, she needed to leave.

 

“Oh no.” Jane said sternly, fixing her ghostly gaze on Crimson. “How long has it been since your needing?” Crimson got back up on the exam table as Jane got the ultrasound machine ready.

 

“Four weeks,” She said softly, “Will you hurt me?”

 

“Does sex hurt you?” Jane asked, squeezing a gooey substance onto the end of the prob. Crimson shook her head so Jane continued, “So this won’t either. Now lay back, part your legs and relax.”

 

A few minutes later, Jane was done and handing her a picture. “That white spot?” She asked, staring at the black and white image.

 

“Yes,” Jane told her with a tight smile, “That’s your baby.” Jane started to put her equipment away and ran off a list of do’s and don’ts when you’re pregnant. “Any questions?”

 

Crimson was still staring at the photo, trying to figure out how she was going to tell Oliver. He didn’t want this. “What?” She asked, realizing Jane asked her a question.

 

Jane smiled, “Just remember what I told you and you’ll be okay. Call me if you need anything okay? And congratulations Crimson.”

 

Congratulations? Ha. More like ‘welcome to the world of a single parent.’ Oliver didn’t even want to service her through her needing in fear that she might get pregnant and now that she had, she didn’t know what he was going to do. She sat in the exam room, clutching the picture until her phone started to ring. She quickly got dressed, shoving the picture in her pants pocket before texting Oliver back. “Sorry, busy. Pick me up at the mansion please. Too tired to get home –BloodRed

 

She walked to the foyer quietly, glad when the only person she seen was Rhage, “Hey stranger.” He called, a tray of food in his hands.

 

“Hi,” She said softly, not raising her eyes to meet his.

 

“Crims? You alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

 

“I did,” She whispered, shuddering slightly. Maybe she’d get to see herself as a ghost soon.

 

“Hey,” She finally looked up and noticed Rhage didn’t have a shirt on. He was covered in scratches, they were everywhere. She smiled slightly at him, “Can I have a sucker?”

Rhage chuckled, “Yeah. I don’t have any with me though, walk to the room with me?”

 

Crimson nodded, following the brother up the stairs. “Do you love Mary?”

 

“Yes. Of course, why?”

 

“Even if she did something she knew you wouldn’t like, would you love her?”

 

Rhage frowned at her, “I will always love her. Are you okay? Do you wanna talk to her?”

 

She shook her head, “No thank you. I just want candy. The red ones are my favorite too.”

 

“Gimme one sec.” He went into his room, setting the tray on the bed next to Mary before grabbing a couple suckers off the nightstand. He took them back out to the hallway, handing them to Crimson. “Listen, Oliver will love you too. If you did something wrong, he’ll love you.”

 

Crimson nodded, taking the candy before giving Rhage a hug, “Thank you.” She waved goodbye to him as she walked back down to the foyer, a sucker between her lips.

 

By the time Oliver got there to pick her up she felt better, the sucker doing its trick and brightening her up. “Hi baby.” She said, climbing into the car.

 

Oliver leaned over, kissing her cheek, “Been with Rhage I see. You’re the only one he gives those too you know. Even when Nalla asks he doesn’t give her the red ones.”

 

“He likes me.” She said simply, eating her suckers quietly as they drove home. She wasn’t going to tell him yet, she wasn’t going to ruin everything so soon.

 

***

 

About a week had gone by and she still wasn’t able to tell Oliver what was going on inside of her. Somehow she managed to act fine around him though her head was a mess. He was at work now and she was laying in bed, trying to figure out what to do. Her pregnancy wasn’t that far along, she could go back to Jane and have her get rid of the baby. She needed Oliver more than it, she needed to do something to get rid of it. She stared down at her stomach, imagining the words ‘Get out’ carved into her skin. Maybe that would work.

 

Tears pooled in her eyes as she thought about what she could use on herself. The kitchen knifes, her craft knife or the blades in Oliver’s razor? No. She couldn’t do that, Oliver would find out. She couldn’t let him find out about any of this. He was going to be so mad at her.

 

Crimson sucked her stomach in, as much as she could but decided that wasn’t going to hurt the baby. She rolled onto her side, covering her face with her hands as she cried. She needed something, something to get rid of the thing inside her and something to hurt herself with. She rolled onto her back again, hitting her stomach. “Please,” She cried, hitting herself as hard as she could, but nothing happened. What was supposed to happen when you miscarried a baby?

She rolled onto her side again, clutching Oliver’s pillow to her chest as Seamus curled up by her head. He always did that, he always knew when she was crying and came to her. She pushed the pillow away and Seamus moved into her arms. “You’re the only baby he wants.” She told his quietly, holding him close until she was able to fall asleep.

 

***

 

Crimson grunted as she started to wake up, her stomach tightening in pain. She let go of Seamus, holding onto her stomach, “Fuck.” The pain let up slightly and she felt wetness between her legs. She had enough time to roll onto her back before the pain started again and this time when it was over she was covered in blood. She started crying again and she reached for her phone to text Oliver. “Come home. It’s an emergency. –BloodRed

 

Oliver was home in a second, calling out to her as he came inside. She couldn’t speak though, there was too many tears, too many thoughts in her head. “Crimson!” She heard again and this time it was followed by his footsteps pounding up the steps. She covered her face, unable to control her sobs. Fuck she wanted out of this bed.

 

“What the fuck.” Oliver whispered in horror as he opened the bed. Crimson’s sweats were soaked to her knees and there was a bright red puddle around her.

 

“Jane,” She begged through her tears, “Move me.”

 

Oliver crossed the room in a second, scooping Crimson into his arms. “What happened?” He asked, uncovering her face so he could see her. “What’s happening?”

 

“My baby,” She whispered before pressing her face into his chest. She didn’t want to talk, she didn’t want to have to tell him she was pregnant and that she killed her own baby. Her tears came out harder. This was all her fault. Getting pregnant, killing the young. Everything.

 

Within a few seconds she was being put in the car, she was still wearing her ruined pants. She shifted in the seat, pulling them off. They needed to come off. “Baby, stop.” Oliver said, reaching over to her, “It’s ok, just stop.”

 

Crimson shook her head, blinking the tears out of her eyes and feeling them turn white. When she looked at him he pulled his hand back, “What’s going on Crimson?” He asked, fear running through him. This was bad.

 

She wiggled more, finally getting her pants off and onto the floor. She pulled her legs to her chest, laying her head down as they started to go through the gates at the mansion.

 

She couldn’t remember everything that happened after that. Jane was moving around her, making sure the bleeding was just the baby and nothing else. She was explaining to Oliver what was going on and Oliver was crying now too. He wasn’t looking at Crimson, “Fuck!” He screamed, banging his fists into the wall. “Why didn’t you tell me Crimson?”

 

Crimson pulled her shirt tighter around her, not knowing if there were bruises on her stomach or not. He’d be even madder at her then. “Talk to me!” He screamed, “This wouldn’t have happened if you had talked to me!”

 

“Oliver!” Jane snapped, looking up from Crimson, “If you can’t calm down, get out. She doesn’t need you yelling at her.”

 

Crimson stared at him, unable to form any sounds on her lips to apologize. He thought it was his fault. It was written all over his face. She wanted to tell him she did it. She killed the baby, that it wasn’t his fault. But the words wouldn’t come out. She lifted her hand to him and he came. He pulled the other doctor chair over and sat next to her, his tears hitting her cheeks. “Baby, please talk to me.”

 

***

 

Crimson woke up in his arms, he was carrying her. She lifted her head, trying to figure out where they were going but she was so tired. She pressed her face back into his chest, listening closely to his heart beat and falling back asleep.

 

***

 

“She’s… Been better.” Oliver said quietly. Crimson rolled over in bed, looking up at her hellren. Who was he talking to? He reached down, his fingers playing in Crimson’s hair as he continued his phone conversation. “I’ll be out of work for a while. I don’t want to leave her here alone… No, not right now. I need to be with her… Yes, I’ll remember… White… Yeah, I know. Look, she’s awake. I’ll call you later. Bye.”

 

Oliver laid down, “Your mother says hi.” Crimson nodded, moving his hand from her hair to her back. “Roll over, I’ll give you a massage.” She listened easily, moving to lay on her stomach and his hands made their way over her back and down her legs. “Baby, it’s been days, are you going to say anything?”

 

She shook her head and he sighed softly, his hands going back to her back. “Can I persuade you to eat then? I had to threaten Seamus to get him to stop bringing you his cat food and to just eat it himself.” Crimson didn’t answer, just closed her eyes and focused on his hands.

 

She didn’t want to eat, or talk or even breathe at this point. She killed her baby, dear Virgin, she killed her baby. Oliver sighed again, rubbing his face with his hands. Crimson rolled back over, pulling on his arms until she was able to hold his hands. She wanted to touch him.

 

“Just a little bit, okay? I’m worried about you. Everyone is.” He tried to get up but Crimson whined softly, holding onto him tighter. “Would you like to go with me?” She nodded.

 

Oliver scooped her into his arms, carrying her down to the kitchen and sitting her on the counter by the fridge. He rummaged through, trying to find something easy for her to eat. He pulled out a container of strawberries and showed them to her. When she just shrugged he cleaned a few off, handing the plate to her.

 

Crimson shook her head, handing it back. “Please baby,” Oliver begged, resting his forehead against hers, “You need to eat.” He picked up a strawberry, pressing it to her lips and she very easily took a bite.

 

***

 

“No, she’s asleep… Yeah, a few strawberries… I don’t think Mary would help. She won’t talk to me… Yes, please, I need to go get some groceries… No I don’t need Fritz to do it. Just come sit with her please.” Oliver hung up the phone before waking Crimson. “Beth is coming over.” He told her, “I’m gonna go to the store, is that okay?”

 

Crimson pressed into his chest, holding onto him tightly. “I need to go baby, is there anything you want?” She didn’t answer, just pressed closer. A few minutes later she heard a knock on the door and Oliver picked her up, taking her down to the living room. “Hi Beth,” He said after answering the door. “She’s on the couch.”

 

Beth hugged Oliver tightly, “Don’t say goodbye, just leave. She’ll be ok.” He nodded, leaving the house before Crimson had time to think about protesting. She stared at the closed door with wide eyes, ignoring her mother. “He’ll be back dear.” The older female said, sitting down next to her, Little Wrath in her lap. “Would you like to tell me what’s going on?”

 

Crimson shook her head, looking down at her brother. The young started to cry and cling to Beth, Crimson’s eyes filled with tears. He usually got really excited when he seen her. Why was he crying? Why was he scared?

 

“Your eyes Crimson.” Beth said, somehow understanding her thoughts.

 

 Crimson looked at Beth before getting off the couch. She went into the downstairs bathroom, making quick work of getting Oliver’s razor apart. She stared at herself in the mirror. There was only one thing she wanted besides Oliver and she knew it would change her eyes back to normal. She lifted her shirt, dragging the blade across her stomach a few times. The cuts weren’t deep enough to bleed, just enough for her to feel the release. She sighed, watching her eyes turn from white to grey.

 

Quickly, she hid the items in the drawer before going back out to her mother. “What’d you do?” Beth asked, watching her carefully. Crimson sat down on the couch again, looking at her brother. Now he reached for her. A small smile played at her lips and she took the boy, getting up and going upstairs with him.

 

She texted Oliver when they got to her room, laying down on the bed.

 

Ice cream… Chocolate. –BloodRed

 

Anything else? –Oliver

 

You. –BloodRed

 

Why aren’t you talking? –Oliver

 

Crimson sighed softly, putting her phone down before turning back to her brother, “Hey little guy.” She said quietly, tickling his belly.

 

“Red!” The little boy squealed, wiggling away from her fingers so he could hug her. “Mommy say booboo.” He pointed to Crimson’s heart, his little eyes filled with worry.

 

The Prince was only about two now but he understood a lot more than Crimson thought someone so young could. She loved getting to spend time with him, as much as Beth would let her. She wondered if maybe Beth would let him stay the night.

 

“Booboo?” He repeated, hitting Crimson’s chest.

 

“Yes baby.” She said softly before trying to tickle him again. She grabbed the box of toys from the corner, taking out a few as they both sat on the floor.

 

About twenty minutes later she felt Oliver come home. “Come on bubby, let’s pick these up. It’s time to go.” The little boy whined loudly but eventually did as he was told and then took Crimson’s hand, happy to lead her back down stairs.

 

“Good.” Crimson heard her mother say, “They were playing upstairs. I could hear little Wrath laughing.”

 

“Did she talk?” Crimson stopped her brother at the top of the steps, trying to listen to the conversations.

 

“Yeah,” Beth replied, “She talked to him.”

 

Oliver sighed, “I better put the stuff away. Thanks for sitting with her.”

 

“O-llie!” Little Wrath squealed, pulling Crimson down the stairs with him. Crimson immediately went to the kitchen for Oliver.

 

“Hey Wrath,” He said, scooping the young into his arms before looking over at Crimson, “I got your ice cream. I’ll get you some when they leave.”

 

She nodded, leaning against the counter and watching her mate. When he tried to go back to the living room she grabbed his arm, needing to be able to feel him.

 

“Well we better get going baby,” Beth said to her son, “Give hugs and kisses.”

 

Little Wrath pouted, “But Red, booboo.” He wiggled away from Oliver, running over and hugging Crimson’s legs. “Kiss kiss.” He said, pushing his lips out as he looked up at her. She bent down, kissing her little brother softly but as she went to stand again he stopped her. “Kiss kiss.” He repeated, kissing her chest just above her heart.

 

Crimson smiled at him tightly, thankful when he turned away to hug Oliver as her eyes turned back to white. She hugged Beth, “I’m so sorry Crimson.” Her mother whispered, “You need to start talking. Let it out.”

 

“I can’t.” Crimson choked out before turning to go back upstairs. She curled up in bed, Seamus quickly making his way over to her and laying his head on top of hers. Seamus always made her feel a little better, and her brother and Oliver. She couldn’t do any of this without Oliver. She really needed to tell him the truth.

 

What would he make of her though? She killed her own baby, their baby, because she knew he didn’t want a young yet. He’d blame himself for that. He was blaming this whole thing on himself. Maybe she should tell him. Maybe she could talk to Mary, could she do that?

 

“Babe?” Oliver called, “I got you ice cream.”

 

Crimson sat up, wiping her cheeks and reaching for him. He handed her the bowl before sitting down. “Closer,” She said, staring at him.

 

Oliver nodded, leaning back against the head board of the bed and moving Crimson to rest between his legs. “Did you have fun with your brother?”

 

She stayed quiet, stirring her ice cream up and taking a few bites. “Yes.” She answered finally, putting her half eaten bowl on the night stand.

 

***

 

Every day after that was the same. Beth and Little Wrath would come over, Crimson would hurt herself to make her eyes look normal and they’d play quietly. Only alone though. Crimson would take him up to her bedroom and they sit on the floor, Little Wrath laughed and Crimson spoke to him.

 

She was starting to feel better, she was, but the more she cut herself to look normal for her brother the more she needed it. The more she realized she needed to talk again, especially to Oliver.

 

***

 

Crimson yawned, laying in bed next to Oliver. She ate her whole bowl of ice cream that night, and a piece of pizza. She could tell Oliver was happy that she’d eaten but he was tired. Tired of having to babysit.

 

She rolled onto her side and instead of moving with her, Oliver stayed where he was. “Closer.” She mumbled.

 

“What baby?” Oliver asked gently, sitting up and looking down at her.

 

“Closer,” She begged, tears springing to her eyes. “You can’t leave me too.”

 

Oliver frowned deeply, “I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here.” He laid down behind her, pulling her back into his chest. “Talk to me.”

 

Crimson couldn’t help it, the tears fell down her cheeks and she started to shake. Out of everything that happened, she hadn’t cried since they left the mansion that night. She wasn’t able to. She didn’t want to now but she couldn’t stop.

 

“Closer,” She said again, the sobs rolling through her body and making her shake. She rolled onto her back and Oliver pulled her closer.

 

“Shh,” He cooed, cradling her body, “Please baby, just please talk to me. I’m worried about you.”

 

“I can’t,” She cried, “I can’t.”

 

“Why baby?”

 

Crimson started to cry harder and she covered her face with her hands. “Please stay with me. Don’t leave me.” Oh God, she wanted to stop all this. The crying, the pain she felt or maybe she just wanted to stop breathing.

 

She gasped, scrapping her nails down her cheeks as hard as she could.

 

“No.” Oliver said firmly, pulling her hands away from her. “Stop that, don’t do that.”

 

“I need to!” She cried, “My stomach, my stomach.”

 

He frowned again, trying to figure out how to calm his female. “Can I hold you?” He asked.

 

“No. My stomach.”

 

She pushed him back enough so she could lift her shirt up, exposing her stomach. Among all of her old scars she had words there. “Mine.” “Killed.” “Baby.” “Sorry.” They were all from the days before, carved into her skin just before she was able to play with her brother.

 

Oliver blanched, “Why would you do that?” He was crying now too. “Why wouldn’t you talk to me!”

 

Crimson fought against the hold he had on her hands, desperately trying to get away from him. She didn’t want to see him cry. Why was he still here? Why hadn’t he left her already?

 

“It’s my fault.” She choked out before rolling onto her side, a scream ripping through her throat. Oliver let her go and she pressed her face down into the pillow, screaming as loud as she could. She felt his hands on her bare back, massaging her gently and she stopped. “It was my fault.” She coughed, turning to look at him. He was still crying.

 

“Why didn’t you talk to me?” He asked, taking a deep breath and looking her square in the eyes, “Why do you always shut me out like this?” When all she did was stare at him he raised his voice, “Why Crimson!”

 

“I-I…” She moved out of his reach, “I couldn’t. I… Please. I can’t do this.” She wiped her face quickly, frowning when she seen a little bit of blood on her hands. She hurt herself again but it didn’t feel good at all. She felt dirty now. The cuts in her stomach were old but she hadn’t feed in so long they weren’t healing right. She needed to get rid of them. “Are you leaving me?”

 

Oliver ran his hands through his hair, sighing loudly. “No. I just don’t understand Crimson.”

 

“Can I have time to explain myself?”

 

He nodded, “Yes, I’m sorry. I’m not going anywhere. You need to feed.”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“I told you, I’m worried about you.”

 

Crimson shook her head, taking his face in her hands, “I mean about the baby, are you okay?”

 


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