Tsubaki's Fantasy Reality

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
(This is just a test run to see how everything works. The real thing will have another name, since the name of this I came up with in like 4 seconds.)

Tsubaki becomes one with her own dull fantasy reality and remembers against her will.

Submitted: July 09, 2015

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Submitted: July 09, 2015



A refreshing feeling washed over me. I could feel the colorless aura deep in my bones. It was blinding at first, but that's every time. My eyes adjust once my heart stops racing... whenever that is. If ever, it'll be some time from now.

Besides the aching in my chest, I let the comforting blankness of this place hug me. Ahh... this would be better with them. My limbs loosened. Is that really true, though...?

I'm dreaming, I think. By now I could see that. The pale colors around me morphed in a certain way that I couldn't perceive even if I looked hard. A frosty blanket kept me in place. It's good here. I think... I'll stay for some more.

My body became embedded where it was. No need to move in this gray world. The fantasy reality will move in your place.
Tears slid down my face. They'll watch if I move. Even if I say things like that, there isn't anything here. This is my world. I was destined to this place. I cannot leave. This place needs a queen, and this world is emotionless. What "should be" is a human invention that would only torture me.

The puddles on either side of me seemed to be drying up now. No need for things like tears here, right?

I don't miss the color. I can't steady myself when I think about it, but I do not miss it. This is where I am supposed to be. Even if every part of me is screaming to leave this place I don't want to.

Do I? I think I do want to leave. That's a selfish desire. I am the only one here. This empty reality needs something to keep it in check. The nothing here has to stay just like it is. I made a promise that I'd keep to my world.

But... this reality could have color. I can't think anymore. How would I know if I am living a rainbow or a storm cloud? Anyway, a storm cloud is lively. There's lightning... and there's rain and thunder.

I do not want to be that lively. I cannot be that lively. I've seen what happens when you are alive.

Scars slithered down my back as if they were venomous snakes, skin peeling off like the sheets over me. Warm hands burned into my wounds. I let out a pitiful whine. It hurt.


What's this? Rejecting the feeling, I kept sinking into the gray scale.


I looked up with my sore, tear-filled eyes. A different face hovered over me. That smile pounded my heart with merciless strikes... but they didn't hurt this time. Not even a fist was clenched.


Don't do this. Don't break the fantasy loop.


The outside was cold. I didn't have to walk though. He carried my frozen, empty body on his back. This person was wobbling. I giggled a little bit.


Are you stupid?


"Wha- you think it's funny?"
"Mhm." I pressed my face into his hood.
"You're so mean."
I buried myself closer that night.


I'm crying again. Why isn't it dry yet?


He felt comforting. I couldn't stop myself from cuddling closer. The scars on my body weren't numb anymore. This felt good. I liked being able to feel again.


This... I'm not allowed to feel this way.


Eventually we had to sleep somewhere. He said his home was far, far away so we slept by a department store. Though it was cold outside, I didn't feel lonely at all; Not like I usually did.
I felt...
I didn't know this person, but I wanted to stay with them. They could've been a kidnapper, but he said he wasn't so I trusted him because bad company is better than no company at all and I didn't want to scare him off.


I set the rules. This feeling might... ah, it might...


"Hey." He said one day when we were wandering alongside of some river.
"My name is Tanaka."
That took me by surprise. I've been huddled on his back for 3 days now and I never even thought of asking him his name.
"I..." No, no way was I going to tell him my real name. Then he'd report me as a missing person and I'd have to go back there. But I panicked. What could I name myself? In that split second of absolute panic I accidentaly sputtered out the name of my dog.

"My name... Tsu-Tsu...baki." I held my breath. That last part was so quiet I was afriad he didn't hear me.
He didn't respond.

My heart started to race. What if he knew already? Was he taking me to a police station already?
"Ah, that's a nice name... Tsu-Tsu."
"Tsu-Tsu?!" I shrieked. Of all things I expected him to say that was at the bottom of the list.
"You said you were Tsu-Tsubaki, didn't you?" He threw a grin back at me that made me contemplate if my own smile was any good.
"I guess... can I call you Tana-na?"
"Not a chance."
He suddenly stopped, nearly dropping me off his back.
"Um, wha-"
"There's geese."
And he wasn't wrong. On the other side of the river was a huge flock of geese. There could have been 30 of them.
"That's nice..." I shut my eyes and sunk into his warmth.
"Don't you want to chase them?"
"I can't walk." I murmured into his pale hair.
"I can."
"You'll have to swim across."
"You'll have to hold on tighter."
Tanaka squeezed my legs tighter before jumping out into the river without even the slightest warning. I let out a cry of disapproval as the freezing water made contact with my skin.


That was the first time I dared.

Now I know not to take such risks again.

My eyes ached. It felt like they were trying to escape my head, but they couldn't. Nothing could escape my head now. No matter how much I wanted to be freed, I'd erased the exit.

It's for the best, right?


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