The weak me

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
I am done being nice, weak and vulnerable , from now on I'll become a mean person , because somehow if I don't ,people will only see me as a weak person and take advantage of that and run over me ,I won't let it happen , not again.

Submitted: October 30, 2015

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Submitted: October 30, 2015

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They say animals can smell fear , there was this time where I was sitting minding my own business when suddenly a dog came up and I got scared and was about to run but my friend told me to hold still and so I did but somehow it almost attacked me from all people  , wired thing so when I asked I was told that they can smell fear .
I have a theory , I think that people can smell it too , but no not fear , I think people can smell weakness , they take a look at you , see how you act and what you say , they study you and every move that you make and finally come up with a conclusion that you are a weak person so what do that do with that information , well they use you , manipulate you ,treat you the way they want and push you if you ever disagree .

I am weak , I think I 've always been that way , I am too nice to people who don't deserve it and mean to others that don't either .
I've let people use me , I hate myself for letting people go with what they did to me .
And when the moment come , where there's no running away and I have to face them , well I just mess it up , words won't come out correctly , my hands  and my whole body  start to shake and my heart beats out of control.

It happened so many times that the only solution that I had was to avoid  situations like that , letting things go and pretending that it doesn't hurt or that I don't mind when I truly do  , that's what I keep on doing each and every day.

But hey come on , enough is enough , for how long am I gonna stay like this , will there ever be a time when  I can defend myself and have the right thing to say at the right moment ? Oh boy do I hope so !
I think I need some help with that , some exercise and a lot of breathing .

I made my mind up , from now on , no more the too nice me , no more smiling  , no more "yes ok no problem " or a "please please " I've had enough , people don't deserve that much from me , not even the good ones .
Oh GOD please help me change , help me be stronger .

 


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