Cemetery Romp

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Horror  |  House: Booksie Classic

a surreal and bloody romp through the cemetery

11:50 pm I arrive at the cemetery and check my watch.

“Fuck I’m early”

Guess I’ll have to stand around for ten minutes.  That ruins the mood of the whole evening.  It was supposed to be perfect.  I must have been so excited that I walked really fast.  That was stupid.

I hear a voice: “We’re closed.”

There’s a man who just walked out of the grave keeper’s shack.  He’s coming after me with a spade.  I forgot that they increase security around midnight.  I should not have been standing at the entrance.  That was conspicuous.

“Leave, or you’ll be joining everyone else here!”  The man laughs at his joke, but I don’t think it’s clever.  “Don’t you get it?” he asks.

“I do”

“Stop acting like you’re getting married.”  He isn’t laughing now.  He’s chasing me with the spade.  I would run, but that would be inappropriate.  I let him stab me in the gut, which doesn’t hurt like I expected it to.  Things are turning out in my favor, because now I can say

“Now it’s my turn”

So I take the spade out of me and stick it in his neck.  I accidentally push too hard and his head comes off.  There’s so much blood spurting out that it blinds me, and I have to wipe my eyes off while his head is screaming angrily.  I try to step on it while I’m still wiping my eyes, but I trip over it and land on his body.  His skeleton collapses under my weight.  It feels like I’ve fallen into a crunchy water bed.  His head gets really mad, and I feel a little bad because I didn’t mean to fuck him up quite this badly.  Everything is too slippery for me to stand up, so I just roll off the crushed body and crawl toward the cemetery gates.  I check my watch before entering, to be sure the time is right.  I have to rub a piece of his heart off the face of the watch before I can read it.  It is 12:30.

“Fuck I’m late”

I get up and run toward the grave.  But I have forgotten which grave it is.  I yell

“Where is it”

But all I hear is the grave keeper’s head telling me to fuck off.  I need to be more stealthy.  I lie down and roll around.  Maybe I’ll find the right grave this way.  I crash into a headstone that says “Murkydamnitov.”  That’s the one.  But I forgot to bring something to dig up the grave.  Maybe that spade will do, but I left it at the entrance.  I notice that my side hurts, and I look to see that the spade is sticking into my appendix.  I pull it out.  My appendix and intestine come out with it.  I’m not upset about the appendix, but I think I need the intestine, so I put it back in and get to work digging.  The intestine keeps falling out, so I just dig really quickly, hoping that I can finish before I die. 

I hit the casket a lot sooner than I expected to.  I don’t have time to completely dig it out, so I stab the casket until I make a hole big enough to reach inside.  The spade connects with Mrs. Murkydamnitov’s face.  I cut out her tongue and eat it.  It doesn’t taste nearly as good as I expected it to.  Maybe the rest of her will taste better.

I feel very wet.  I have lost a lot of my blood, and what looks like several more organs.  I should get some help, but I’m too weak to crawl out of the grave.  I will just have to enjoy my last moments as much as possible.  I hope Mrs. Murkydamnitov doesn’t taste all bad.


Submitted: September 15, 2013

© Copyright 2022 Michael Murder. All rights reserved.

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