The adventures of Mike and Patsy - part 2

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
The ongoing (mis)adventures of Mike and Patsy - two 16-year-olds who marry!

Submitted: December 26, 2007

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Submitted: December 26, 2007




To recap, here is part one...if you don't want it, simply page down to part 2 !

A few years back, Patsy and I hitchhiked from Virginia to Arizona. It was great! We saw all kinds of places, met lots of people, and generally had a ball.
Why did we do it?
We wanted to be together, and no one else wanted us to -
But I'm getting ahead of myself...and it MAY HAVE BEEN more than just "a few years ago"...

In 1976, (I was 16 - you do the math) I fell in love...with Patsy!
I went to her mama first, explained that I wanted to marry her daughter, and she calmly replied:

"No long-haired hippie freak is marrying my daughter."

We went to my parents, (who I felt would be more reasonable) ;

and who calmly replied:
"Forget it - you're too young!"

Ever tried to stop two teenagers who were intent on only one thing?
It's easier to stop a speeding train with your bare hands!

Well, we didn't forget it. We eloped.

Too inexperienced to know that you couldn't run off and get married on only ten dollars, we did just that. We also didn't know that you could go to South Carolina (only 100 miles away) and get married at 16, BUT we did know you could do it in...Arizona.
Two thousand miles away.

"What the heck - it's only two thousand miles!"

So we hitchhiked to Arizona...a guy named Joe Causs picked us up in Richmond (he was on leave from the ARMY)...and took us ALL THE WAY to Arizona!

We got there in 3 days...must be some kinda hitchhikers' record!

Turns out our parents were worried - there was a 6 or 7 - state alarm out for us!
Boy were we surprised - we thought they'd be glad to be rid of us!
Don't get me wrong - our parents loved us - but teenagers don't always think things out, you know?
One day, after returning home from a walk to the Park, two of Arizona's finest were parked in the driveway...

I had shaved off my beard, Patsy had cut and dyed her hair;

One of these fine officers walked up and showed me a picture of myself and Patsy....

"Seen either one of these two around here?" he asked.

If I hadn't been so scared, I'd've laughed myself silly.

"Yes, sir, officer," I replied, pointing at the house we were staying at.

"They were staying right there! But I haven’t seen 'em in a week or two..."

"You got any i.d., kid? " the officer interrupted..

"Yes, sir," I replied, pulling out my fake i.d. and passing it over.

After reading it, he hands it back, tells me to have a nice day, and we walk back to the park, and hang out awhile.

"What'll we do now ?" Patsy asks, scared out of her wits.

"Don't worry about it - they think we've moved on - we got nothing to worry about," Mike says confidently.

"Why'd you tell 'em where we lived?" Patsy asked, exasperated.

"They already knew - they were there, weren't they? Besides, they had our picture and SHOWED it to us, and didn't recognize us, so we're not dealing with two Brainiacs here...."

"I guess you're right, " Patsy replied dubiously.

What happened next?

We did what any 16 year olds would do - we went back home, cut out all the lights, and hid under the furniture!

Well, Mike and Patsy stayed in Arizona for four months. The cops never DID come back...but Mike lost his job at the Dairy Queen, and they decided to move again.
So they returned home to Virginia, figuring they were together too long to be separated by either set of parents.
And they were right!
Mike got a job digging ditches for 7 dollars an hour, while Patsy worked at McCrory's in the local mall.
It turns out being married was more work than they thought!

Since neither one of them had a car, or a Drivers license, for that matter, they had to walk about a mile to the nearest grocery store, and carry the groceries back by hand.
Rather than complain, they enjoyed the walk, talking together about anything and everything. They liked being together.

One day they bought a grocery cart, and pushed it along with them.
It made things LOTS easier. People stared and pointed at them; lots of folks laughed, but Mike and Patsy didn't care - they were doing what they wanted!
After one such trip, Mike realized they'd gone to get groceries, put them in the cart, walked home, and forgot to pay for them.

"How do you know?"
Patsy asked.

"Look - I've still got the grocery money!" Mike said.
Patsy just stared. Sure enough, they'd only had 60 dollars when they'd left, and there were three twenties, right there in Mike's wallet!

"Free Groceries! Mike yelled, jumping up and down

Patsy gave her husband a dirty look.

"You walk right back there and pay for those groceries NOW ! Patsy said, placing her hands on her hips.

"But Patsy -" Mike said.
Then he stopped, looking at his wife.
She stood there, feet a shoulder's width apart...her hands were on her hips, and she had her "don't mess with me" look on her face.

Mike's shoulders drooped forward, his head drooping right along with them, as he turned the grocery cart around for the lo-ong return trip.

"Patsy...." he said again.
Turning back around, he found his wife pointing at the door.

"You're taking those back," she repeated.
Mike just sighed, and headed back to Farm Fresh.



  While it is true that Mike was the breadwinner, the hard worker who paid all the bills, beat up unfriendly strangers, and made love to Patsy as regularly as possible, Patsy was the one who made the house a home.

That's right - if it weren't for Patsy, poor Mike would've landed in jail a long time ago, and having landed there, probably would've stayed there since Patsy wouldnt''ve been there to keep him out !

  A year or four has passed, Mike and Patsy are now living in Yardley Square Apartments in Richmond, Virginia, just off Broad Rock Road in Southside (the Southside is the ONLY place to live in Richmond - trust me), and have a new addition to their family - baby Shannon !

"Patsy, James and Teresa wanna play cards tonight- suit you?"

"Sure, but we can't stay out late - you've got work tommorrow!"

"Gotcha! (speaks into receiver)"Sure, James, we'll be by about 6:30!"

The evening went on as you might expect...Spades was the game, the boys played against the girls, and since the boys were winning, Mike continued to play late into the night.

"Michael, we have to go! It's almost midnight!"

>Uh Oh! She's using the 'Michael' name< "Uh, sure, doll, by all means, lets go!  We'll see you guys later, huh?"

"Sure! we had a great time!" James and Teresa chorused together.

Walking their friends out to the parking lot (Mike is toting the baby carrier) they are greeted by flashing red lights, and two police officers...

"The Long John Slivers restaurant was just robbed! Did you do it?" one of the officers of the law demanded intelligently.

"Huh?" Mike responded just as wittily as the officer before him.

"The perp was wearing green pants and a white shirt, just like you," the officer continued belligerently.

"I'm wearing black pants and a yellow shirt," Mike replied, the confusion evident in his voice.

"That doesn't matter! You fit the description! Did you do it?" the officer continued .

Our hero made a strange face, as if he had just stepped in dog poo.

"Of course I did it, you idiot! I ALWAYS take my wife and baby out on ALL my jobs!" Mike lifted the baby carrier to show the officers, then turned in disgust, remembering that these were the guys who protected him and his family ...he shivered at the thought.

Immediately following those shivers, came handcuffs.

"You're coming with us, ***hole!" the first officer shouted.

"Patsy! Follow us to the station!' Mike hollered.

  An hour or two later, Mike (the scourge of Richmond) was safely ensconced in one of the city's maximium security cells, and couldn't hear Patsy as she continually ranted and raved at officers and magistrates alike:

"You stupid looking, flap-eared, slack-jawed, sons of illigitimate donkeys had better get my husband out of jail this instant or I'll have your badges to wipe my backside with, then I'll tell your wives what despicable scum you are!"

Shannon, even tho just a babe, knew when Mama was mad, and didn't like SHE began to wail and wail almost in a counterpoint to Patsy's piercing screams.


A short while later, after unlocking the seventeen doors which had to be unlocked in order to reach Mike, our intrepid adventurer, an officer pleaded:

"We'll let you go home if you'll take your wife and baby home with you? Please?"

© Copyright 2018 Michael T Ingram. All rights reserved.

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