So many times, I have come to this field and sat here feeling the warmth of the sun and gentle breeze caressing my face. Watching the tall grass sway back and forth, almost like the waves of an
ocean. Moreover, the silence of the field seemed like something that I had never felt before. Mainly because I had lived in the city for so long, never to hear such silence like this, because there
was always something there that broke the silence. However, not here, that was something that I found, which I had fallen in love with. I had to admit that it was because of my wife that I found
here in, which was probably the only thing that I had to be grateful for her about. There was something about the field, which brought a peaceful feeling to my soul. Something I had never felt
before, at least not to the soothing intensity, which I felt here. It was the shame that other people really could feel like I did when I was here. The only other people who would come to this
field would be the teenagers at night to drink without getting in trouble and to fool around with their girlfriends. Away from the eyes of the adults that would catch them with what they were
doing. Be pulling the only threat that they would have was over by the police back into town. Of course, in a small town they would not have to worry about that. In addition, on the ground there
were always the remains of whatever it was that they did here in this field. Used condoms, empty beer cans, one time even some woman's underwear that been left with an old blanket. Sure whoever the
woman was, became embarrassed when she realized she had left it there. Some obvious evidence of the truth of what had done out here.
To me it really did not matter, because the only thing that I concentrated on was the serenity of the field and that it was making me feel right. My eyes glanced over at the edge of the field where
an abandoned, dilapidated barn stood. The last remains of civilization that once existed. There was something about the barn, which seem ominous. As if there was a secret within it that waited for
some innocent person to stumble upon it. It all seemed kind of ridiculous to me, for it was nothing more than an idle thought that entered my mind. It seemed funny how strange thoughts like that
would just manifest in the mind for no reason. Of course, with me I had always found myself with thoughts like that. My imagination runs free when I would find myself alone in the apartment,
believing that my wife was out at work or her bible study group. However, I was a fool to believe her, not seeing the tattle tail signs, which she gave subconsciously. By the time I did, it was
already too late and the pain and anger was too much to take. Knowing that she embraced in infidelity rather than embracing their love or even trying to save their marriage. That was when she
walked out and disappeared. In a way it really did not matter to me, for she had, chose the life she wanted and I could not force her to stay with me. For it would be nothing more than the same
bullshit that she had put me through before.
After she left, I had tried to start a new life as a single man. Having a couple one-night stands with women that I had met at a bar, but it was nothing that really satisfied him. Even though it
did feed the hunger of my carnal desires, I had. However, I found myself wanting something more than just those moments of carnal desires, which I shared with those women. No, I wanted something
more than just that, which those women could not give me. The thing it was, it was not love that I found myself wanting, it was something different that I could not comprehend just yet. Even though
the feeling lingered deep within my soul, haunting me like some faded memory that I could not grasp. That was when I found this field, when I took a drive. In addition, because of it, I felt as if
I found some place that could be my quiet place. As my therapist had called it, when I spoke of the issues I had. In addition, she told me that it would be some place, which would be good to go to
occasionally. Just to be able to get away from the town and the memories, so I could think straight. However, that was not the only other reason, which I had, went there and I had no real reason
why I was there. It was like some sort a private obsession, which it consumed me. In addition, I had no idea why it could be. In addition, I really did not want to think about the truth. Because
there really was no reason to know the truth, at least that was what I believed.
My therapist was right about it though, for it did feel good to get away from the small town and the memories around me. I never told anyone where I went, because I felt that there was no reason
for him or her to know. All that I wanted was to forget about Annabel, just as if I knew that she had now forgotten about me. In addition, after a month I had started to forget about her in a way,
throwing away everything that she had left which was hers and trying to start a new life. That was until the day the local sheriff came by asking about her. Saying that she had disappeared and none
of her family or the people at her church knew were she could be.
“For all I know she probably went to Vegas with her lover and got married to him.” I had told the sheriff honestly.
After explaining how she had left me and I had no idea where she had went to, he said that he hoped that she had not become another victim of the Lincoln Strangler. If she were, she would be the
fifth woman found dead in some ditch along a country road. I did not want to think about her that way, for even though I hated her I knew she did not deserve a fate like that. Just end up as a
victim number to some unknown killer. Even though I did not cry because of her disappearance, I felt that there really was no need to. She was not dead, just off somewhere in a new town where no
one knew her and she could start a new life. Her family never came around to ask me if I knew anything; neither did any of the people that she knew in church. Guess it was because they all knew
about the fighting we did and believe whatever lies she had told them about me. Either way it really did not matter to me, because I enjoyed the privacy, which I had. In addition, I had no reason
to care about what anyone said about me.
That was in June and by the end of July, the police stopped coming to my house to question me, and they all gave up on the search. From what I heard, the case was closed and labeled unsolved. Even
though I would catch a few people in town giving me the evil eye, as if they suspected that I did something. However, that did not matter to me, for I had my special place where I could go to
forget about the past. Even now as I stand here in this field, I can still feel the serenity overwhelming me. In addition, that was something that no one would be able to take away. Yes, many
people would come here at night, to have their fun away from the eyes of everyone in town. To keep it a secret, so no one would be curious. In addition, in a way I too joined in on the same as
them. For this field in a way was a place where I kept my biggest secret of all. One that would become nothing more than a faded memory to me as the years passed and I grew old and gray. Just like
the memory of Annabel and her lover's disappearance, would erode into nothing but dust in the minds of everyone. Just like the way the wall wild grass in this field will erode away in the winter,
taking with it the secret, which I had planted within its safekeeping, forever.
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