This is a story I had to write for school. It's a vampire story but not the cliche of these days. It's a world where vampires are hidious and when they tempt people to accept their offers only then they can drink their blood. They more blood they drink, the more attractive they become. I hope you enjoy! Please post any criticisms!

Sharon Baker stood alone under the shelter of the Bourke Street bus stop. She was a round woman with bleached curls and green eyes. The rain pounded on the roof so she did not hear him approach despite his leg dragging across the gravelly pavement.

Ahhh! She screeched when she finally turned to see him there. His slicked back hair had patches missing, his one grey eyeball rolled around in his head and had shoulders so hunched that it appeared that he had no neck.  When he spoke he bore remnants of yellowish brown marbles ‘hello madam, how do you do?’  She hugged herself tightly and took a step away. ‘H-h-hello I am fine thank you’ he grinned ‘they call me Rickety Slick‘ he did a small bow ‘and you are?...’ she just looked at him for a moment, into his eye, her stomach growled from hunger despite her reultion. That’s when he knew her craving. ‘I am Sharon Baker’

‘Well Sharon…’ he pulled  a white box with pink ribbon from his back pack, removing the lid to reveal a dozen frosted cupcakes, each  decorated with pink and blue flowers ‘can I tempt you with a cupcake?’ he said with his most charming smile. Her stomach ached as she looked at the buttery frosting. He has so many she thought I’m so hungry…what’s the harm … ‘yes thank you’ she said as she reached over to grab a cupcake. When her arm crossed his torso, his hand was so quick to grab her wrist it was only a flash. His claws dug into her flesh and would not let go when she began to shake furiously. Her cries only lasted a split second. Then he was gone, She; a body drained of blood and soul.  One patch of his hair grew in…

Five years later

Alyssa sat on the old swing set in the park behind her apartment building in Waterloo. It was a calm Autumn day, a perfect day for her to reintroduce herself to Pride and Prejudice, mister Darcy in particular. Alyssa was a beautiful young woman, one hundred and sixty four centimetres tall, long brown wavy hair with flecks of gold. Her skin was a radiant ivory, stark against her raspberry lips. Her sea green eyes were intense as she flicked through her novel. He’d been watching her for a while.

A challenge he thought. Alyssa was clearly intelligent and fairly content, they were the hardest to tempt, and therefore most delicious. However vampires had to choose carefully. If denied, they would be sent right back to the start, hideous beyond even the most desperate person’s ability to desire. These days Rickey Slick was a very handsome man. He was tall and muscular, tanned, his full hair was swept back with moose and he’d been blessed with a new set of beautiful hazelnut eyes.

Rickety strode over to Alyssa confidently. She only looked up when he stopped in front of her, casting a shadow on her book. Rickety opened his mouth to speak ‘May I help you?’ she cut in first. He paused for a moment eyeing her then began again “Hello, I’m Rick, new in town and I just thought  you looked like a lovely lady to meet’ he gave her his most charming smile. She politely smiled back ‘ Well, nice to meet you, have a nice day’ she looked back down at her book. Rickety was taken aback, nowadays no woman would ignore his good looks.

He was stubborn though. “What is your name?” he crouched in front of her so she could not miss his face. Closing her book pointedly she said ‘I am Alyssa, is there something I can help you with?’ they stared at each other for what seemed like eternity, daring one another. “Why yes, I’d much appreciate if you were to let me take you out for a drink.”

That night they wen t to a popular pub called the Duke’s . Alyssa wore a mid-length red dress, dark purple boots and had her brown tresses up in a bun. Rickety slick wore his usual suit jacket with black jeans and fitted grey shirt. They stayed there for hours drinking, talking and laughing. At first Alyssa seemed timid but after the first half hour she was perfectly comfortable.  “So what’s your last name Alyssa?” rickety asked with a charming smile. “Well….that’s a secret.” She teased. He liked her, but that only made him hungrier for her blood. His patience was up and by now he was confident. “Maybe you’ll tell me over dinner tomorrow night. Can I tempt you to a second date?”

This brought a grin smile to her lips “Did you hear about ..” Alyssa played with her drink straw.  “my sister,  we called her Shae. She was coming home from work for my sixteenth birthday five years ago, it was raining. When they found her, she was drained of blood.”

Slick was feeling something bad was about to happen but the alcohol stopped him from putting it together. She looked up, her eyes completely sober; she had been dumping her drinks into the plant next to her. “No one else could figure out who the murderer was, but I knew. I had gone to meet her at the bus stop so we could pick up a cake together but I was late and only saw him disappear down an ally way. Since then I’ve tracked him and waited until he was cocky and arrogant enough to be taken advantage of.”

Rickety slick put it together, he wanted so much to end Alyssa, grab her wrist and drink from her arteries. “My last name is Baker, and to answer your question, no I am not at all tempted.” With that she walked away. She heard Rickety scamper out after her, and hide in a dark street, then his desperate howl. He was hideous. A smirk spread across her face, Sharon had been redeemed.





Submitted: February 12, 2013

© Copyright 2022 MichBano. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments:


Sasa Sijak

This is very well written. I enjoyed reading it.

Tue, February 12th, 2013 12:31pm


Thankyou :)

Wed, February 13th, 2013 5:47pm

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