Deluded Dreams

Reads: 626 | Likes: 0 | Shelves: 0 | Comments: 3

Eh, just something i came up with. I like it :D

I drift off into a deep sleep,

running through a forest deep.

I look to the left and I look to the right,

I’m gasping for air, the walls closing in tight.

As I’m going down, I see your face,

you run to me with your warm embrace.

I hear your voice and I start to cry,

you tell me that I can not die.

I feel you touch , you body is warm,

I try to speak but my heart is torn.

The sky turns dark and it starts to rain,

the tears running down subdue the pain.

You take me in your arms and pull me close,

my heart is pounding, you can feel my pulse.

I remember the first time that I met you,

every time I saw you, my love just grew.

You look into my eyes and lean in close,

it’s then I realize it’s you I want most.

Our lips brush, my worries melt away,

I don’t want these feelings to go away.

The thunder cracks and I awake,

it was too good to be true it was all fake

Submitted: August 13, 2008

Fantasy

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Maple Bowen

WOW, this was a very dramatic and well written poem! I really enjoyed reading it! I can't wait to read more of your writing, please let me know as your writing is posted! =)
~Maple

Wed, August 13th, 2008 4:11am

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Thank You!

I will definitely keep you updated.

Tue, August 12th, 2008 10:35pm

Adam Phoenix

Awesome poem, but sad.

Wed, August 13th, 2008 12:28pm

Author
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Thats the point...

Tragic times usually result in sad pieces of art.

Wed, August 13th, 2008 11:31am

Nomurcee187

Once again, you blew it with the last couple of lines in the final stanza. May I also suggest you lose the word "I" and find another word to use instead. In some of the stanza's you could also take out words like, "the," "and"--read over your poem again, hopefully you will see what I mean. Other than the simple flaws, you write very well.

Thu, August 14th, 2008 8:55am

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Thank You for your advice. I will definitely take it to heart.

Thu, August 14th, 2008 6:12pm