Me. Now. Moved. Smile.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Me now.

Submitted: November 16, 2009

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Submitted: November 16, 2009

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"How long has it been since this storyline began?"

I'm doing well today.

It's happening at lot more, lately. I smile more, laugh often, and wake up happy. Don't get me wrong, I still have those days I feel more alone than ever. There's days I'm jealous he's  found new love, then again there's days I'm more than happy for him (all I ever wanted was for him to be happy). I've learned a lot about myself than I have in nineteen years in these ten months. It's strange. I see my beauty, my strength, my humor, my life, my freedom, my everything.

I don't regret the nearly two years I dedicated to him... they were wonderful, beautiful, full of life and love. I don't hate him, even despite everyone's strange desire to twist my words and say so, I don't. I never will. I never have. I never could. Sure, I hated how hurt I was and how I lost the one I loved... but who wouldn't?

Do I love him still? Yes. That's one promise I have kept. I will, I think, for always and forever. A promise is a promise and I know how I feel.

Do I want him back.... no. I never could, I think. If I was asked five months ago, I would of said yes in a heartbeat. I'm a different person now and I think he's changed a little too. We're too different people on two different routes of life... and that's just not possible anymore. I find it sad, yet hopelessly romantic....

Is there someone new? I don't really know. There's one guy who cares for me exceedingly, but he's just not what I'm looking for and the last months have been proof enough for that. There's another who's not like any other... but I don't really know him. I find myself luring myself into these strange infancuations to feel less alone, I guess. So, no. There is no one. And I'm okay with that. I have myself to worry about now.

And how am I? Well. Great, even. I'm becoming successful at this college stuff, the first months were soooooo hard but now it's easier and easier! I've met some new people and they're all so fun, smart, and just great people overall. Work is still hard and I regret getting up and going to work sometimes. It's horrid. I hate that feeling.

"Believe in me... This life's not always what it seems."

What do I wish for the most?
To be able to just sit down with him for an entire day.... no cell phones, no distractions, just the stories of our new, separate lives. There's also the story of him and I. Finished. And by far the hardest writing I've faced left.

I'm doing well today. Moved on and happy, I could conquer the world.

"We're lost and found along the way"- Staind


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