A Day In The Life Of A Thargler.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Thargling is a sport of sorts. This story is taken from the secret diaries of former master thargler, Emlyn Gropensteigler. He is now known to readers as EG. This is just one day in his life where everything goes wrong!

Submitted: December 24, 2011

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Submitted: December 24, 2011

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OUTDOOR THARGLING FOR BEGINNERS.  A Day In The Life Of A Thargler.

N.B.  Taken without permission from the secret diaries of the great Emlyn Gropensteigler. A typical tharglers day.

 

"Woke up at 3.00am. Went to bathroom in darkness. Tripped over bathtub and fell heavily bruising parts of body. Went back to bed. Sleep would not come as dogs were barking in the undergrowth, cats were fighting in the overgrowth, several drunks staggered past house singing obscene  songs and my neighbours were arguing about infidelity. Whatever that means. . Decided to throw large buicket of water at cats. Opened window, threw water, but strong winds threw  it straight back at me soaking me through. Went to closet to find clean and dry pyjamas, but tripped over new carpet. My cranial area struck the nearby wall with great force, causing abrasions and giving me a severe headache. Went to bathroom (again) to find aspirin for headache. Could only find soap, toothpaste, hair shampoo, comb, brush, bath cleaner. Tried them all but headache still there! Went back to bed.

It is now 6.00am. Have not slept well as dogs still barking, headache still there, pyjamas still wet etc.  Decide to get up and have some breakfast. Went downstairs to check thargle, but could not find it. However, I found the kitchen and turned on the gas stove. Forgot to light gas. Stove exploded in all directions wrecking kitchen and providing me with a further selection of injuries, including scorched head. Called ambulance which promised to be there in 10 minutes. Two hours later ambulance arrives. Driver explains that they had run out of gas. They then had a puncture. Driving at high speed to get to me they then had an accident in which the driver damaged his head. The ambulance returned to hospital to have the driver's head bandaged which explained the apparently large turban he was wearing when ambulance finally arrived.

Arrived at hospital. Driver explained that as I still had all my limbs, I wasn't an emergency case. I then sat in outpatients for 2 more hours with a number of unfortunates clutching themselves, coughing, wheezing, gasping. There were also several children screaming and a couple more racing round the building playing hide and seek. Tried to trip one of them up, damaged left leg in the process. I feel that this is not my day! Whose day is it then?

Finally saw doctor who didn't inspire confidence when he asked me if I was feeling unwell! I told him that I needed to be treated and discharged quickly so that I could go home and check my thargle. He looked at me strangely and asked if I needed psychiatric help. I replied, no, I just needed to check my thargle. Don't we all, he muttered, with a mad leer on his face.

Out of hospital, covered in bandages, but on my way home at last. Got home. Front door wide open, house has been burgled, robbed!  WTH, I screamed. Raced around the partially empty house looking for my thargle. Gone. Went back to bed.

Woke up, sun was shining. Looked around. Everything in place. Ran downstairs, found thargle. House looked normal. Thargle looked normal. I looked normal....All a dream?!!!... Must stop drinking meths. Will go out in the sunshine and have a good time thargling. Now where's my tharglewear?  Gone!!! AAAAARRRGGGHHH!

End of diary entry.

 


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