The American Scam To Nigeria

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Funny and raw

Submitted: July 12, 2012

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Submitted: July 12, 2012

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To My Nigerian Friends!!¿,' Being that I know you I'll cut you a deal on a genuine Asklats, the small amount of factually sound and verified history recovered from a chapter in Dan Brown's Latest Successful #1 Seller Named and credited to the once obscure but now studied marketing firm that is so hip there is no actual name, just a one line statement: \"Emotion Trumps Logic.\" The brilliance of what's now being modeled as the \"Cash From Catholics\" began with the completely random title that reads in Medium Print, \"Dan Brown\" and underneath in large bold blood red letters \"CUNT\" featuring a picture of the bible.  Once the cover was finally presented sales shot up 12,000,000% No synopsis included stirring up 13,000,000 more preorders of this decades \"Segway\" A year and a half and 42,000,000 more preorders more the entire first printing count was publicly given away to all Muslim countries with a mysterious quote in Arabic that when translated reads

 \"I once indulged on too much poppy, I punished myself by climbing a mountain and yelling anything the opiate wanted me to so the large crowd below could understand its dangers through my lunacy; Thank you Buddah- Mohammad\"

This sparked a Muslim wide mandatory  book burning that was proceeded by an official press release through the marketing firm stating that now that every 1st edition has officially been destroyed we will now issues the 2nd edition in paperback to the idiots who preordered in essence \"A Mystery Box\" Requiring an unheard of tacit requiring COD from all orders with a note that read \"Blame The Jews.\" Inspiring every last Cash On Delivery fee paid in full requiring the British Pound rate of 13gb accompanied with a note from the sender reading: American Currency Is Going Down Like 9-11 ;-) 

For the next week America read the story of the most publicized an awaited novel in history to by end page were left confused on what they just read.  Immediately followed by a \"Press Leak\" that showed the purchase from an \"anonymous\" bit coin account that included an obvious thank you note from Dan Brown on selling him the rights to merge \"The Communist Manifesto\" and humorous scenes from the movie \"Tango And Cash\" ...Only one piece of unread Dan Brown truth was found meshed aqwardly between an absolutely unreadable dialogue with Tango And Cash standing in court responding very elegantly to Judge Marx statement revised to read \"To each according to his needs comrade Tango is to each according to his needs comrade ruppel.\" Switching pace out of nowhere to a half page rant about this obsecure painter named Ausklats who apparently painted the Mona Lisa portrait for a customer who commishend her portrait to be painted but flaked out once how ugly she found out she was, in an Absinth rage a violent Ausklats threw the \"Jew Bitch\" out his third floor window and onto his unknown neighbors feet.  His name was Da Vinci and at the time a well known con-man who saw money and absolute humor in selling this off to any bidder.  It sold to a museum for roughly 10.23$ in today's currency but included a Credit of design to Mr. D.  Asklats in return painted a picture of a convicted rapist and murderer with the plan to replace his stolen trash with a horrible killer.  Alas, Asklats was deceived once again by the killer who sold it for a mint to a church under the name \"John Charms - The Apostle Who Resurrected Jesus and Killed Judas. Then the \"Communist Tango\" continues in mid cocaine busting social class eliminating style. 

(This is me fighting back for America in response to your Nigerian Scam!)

¡Ciao!


© Copyright 2017 Mike Hanna . All rights reserved.

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