Hard Look In The Mirror

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Editorial and Opinion  |  House: Booksie Classic

Self doubt, self-diagnosis, after the fact

It's damn hard to admit to yourself that you haven't always lived up to the view you have of yourself as a mature person who always lives up to his self-set standards. I look back at a few moments in my life that I'd like to do over, acting much more maturely than the sniveling cowardly way I, in actuality, did.  I also wish there were a way to apologize to some people for my actions, but there's not. Most are long out of my life.
 
There's a few moments I think about and can't believe I acted the way I did. They say that as long as those moments taught you something, 
that you learned how NOT to behave in similar moments in the future, that's the key. It's true, I would hope I would have handled it much differently now, but when I think of all the YEARS that have gone by. All the people who got a false sense of who I was simply because I panicked, lost my head and tried to lie, and thought I was much more mature than I obviously was at the time. It's a bitter lesson to learn, indeed, and doesn't do me much good now. Still, all roads, detours, ruts, forty foot deep potholes, have led me here, so I guess I can't complain. But somewhere, there's a guy who thinks I'm a lying sack who folded up his man-bits and ran cowering for the hills. I have NO idea what the hell that means, but you get the gist!


Submitted: November 25, 2018

© Copyright 2020 Mike S.. All rights reserved.

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Comments

hullabaloo22

An excellent essay, Mike. We all have those times though, that lurk in the past, that we wish we could change. You never have to doubt yourself.

Sun, November 25th, 2018 5:56pm

Author
Reply

Thanks, Hull, usually, I don't, but every once in a while...

Sun, November 25th, 2018 9:59am

jmm424

Self doubt sucks, but chances are we can learn from it maybe. Either way, Mike, be strong and stay positive

Mon, November 26th, 2018 5:14am

Author
Reply

Thanks, jmm, usually, I am, but at times...?

Mon, November 26th, 2018 9:46am

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