'It's Howdy Dumper Time!'

'Hey, kids, it's that magical time, where Backwoods Dumper,

that's me, telling you backwoods dreamers just what you want to hear

to keep you dancing my tune, too blinded to see I'm pulling your strings,

while you dance to a tune of imagined darkness and fear.

And today, boys and girls, we will be treated to a special guest,

kids, 'hello, to Ranger Danger; say it with me, kids, 'hello Ranger Danger'

"Why, hello, Backwoods Dumper, you're okay, I guess,

but if I didn't know you; know where you came from, 'Stranger!'

That's what you should scream, kids, so an adult American

can take care of them, because they looking to hide an IUD,

all of them; even the one's with documented proof they're American,

if they're not white and Christian, they pose a real threat, see,

that's why you should listen to Backwoods Dumper always,

'cause he's way smarter than you; some might say he has a runaway ego,

but they're just jealous of his superior intellect, and intelligent face,

handsome, too, that's why the ladies can't say no!

but if you think that way, kids, well, your f****d in the head,

you've been warned, and trust Ranger Danger on this,

I'd follow Backwoods Dumper into Hell, he's on--err--got

my back, and he knows that I want--err--got his."

'Say goodbye to Ranger Danger, he's got to go and help keep us safe.

Well, kids, that's all the time we have for today, but always remember,

keep a close eye out for any guy in a turban, he'd like to blow your ass up;

and stop Christian whitey, by hook, crook, or dismember!'