'My F***ing Head Just Exploded!

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Is it just me?

Submitted: November 07, 2016

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Submitted: November 07, 2016



You know, I received my own October Surprise a bunch of October's ago: I had my head bashed in in an automobile accident, and to this day, I'm struggling to get my life back, but Don-Boy, it's pie and ice cream time compared with having to endure seeing your slow-witted human peacock strut across my television screen. You might think it's glorious to have everyone's attention every second of every day, but we have no choice. You know, if I were an entrepreneur, I could make you proud of me by thinking up and starting my own business. Here's my idea; I'd start my own television channel, The Sanity Channel. Yeah, I could show electronic snow for all 24 hours, and the ratings would be, let's see, how would you put it? Oh, yeah, HUGE!, simply by promising to never, EVER, show your ferret-face, ever! 

You may think that everyone's watching you because you're so interesting and magnetic, but once again, you'd be wrong; we're watching you 'cause you've somehow convinced all the news networks you're entertaining, and that we hang on every word you utter. They've utterly failed in providing us with what the should; actual news, but alas, I'm not an entrepreneur, like you claim to be. Hey, that gives me an idea: how about you buy the rights to my idea, and start it yourself? Yeah, yeah, you may as well cash in on everyone literally despising the sight of your ferret-like face, conducting an invisible Symphony of the Damned, and hearing your tantrum-like shouting. 


I'll tell ya what I'm willing to do for you; I'll sign over the rights to you for a stick of gum and a promise to me that as soon as the election's over, and after you're diminished as a man by losing, you'll just go the f*** away? Of course, there's always the absolutely revolting possibility of you pulling a miracle and winning, but that's something that's too sickening for me even to consider, so I'll go with you taking it in the shorts. So, do we have have a deal, Don-Boy? I'll include my email address so your lawyers can contact me: www.retching.com. I'm looking forward to hearing from your representatives!  

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