The Presidential Novice Handbook

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Must-have guide for the clueless

Submitted: November 21, 2017

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Submitted: November 21, 2017



1: never admit you suck

2: never admit you're wrong

3. never admit you're in over your head

4. when confronted by overwhelming evidence,

blame anyone but yourself

5. when something dumbshitty you've said or done is

highlighted on video, claim the media is fabricating it,

because they're liberal assholes and went to extremes to

make you look incompetent

6: heap praise on your supporters, The Three-Teeth Brigade,

who you secretly think are idiots, but can-be-manipulated idiots

7. division is your friend

8. always seek to divide

9: fear can be a powerful weapon for getting your way

10: always blame liberals for why you're a moron-dick

11: deflect media scrutiny of all your crimes by

attacking the Clinton's, because the media will

follow the bright shiny object

12: claim to be draining the swamp, even as you're filling

it with a high-pressure fire hose--this is where the

Three-Teeth Brigade's naivety can be useful

13. make people doubt the media--once again, The Three-Teeth Brigade

will be easy to manipulate, so use their naivety to your advantage

14. If Republican, get all your information from one source,

suggest Fox News or Breitbart

15. Use division to ease conquering,

and use faux anger to widen the division gap


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