The Universal Funny Doll

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic


From clown to CLOWN!

Submitted: September 25, 2017

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Submitted: September 25, 2017

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"...so I says to the guy, I'd count to five before you do that!" nothing but silence from the other party guests. Wally Toader felt the hot flames of embarrassment radiating from his face. Why did this always happen to him. His jokes always bombed, and he'd bought the best funny joke book he could find, practiced for hours in front of his mirror, until he thought he had perfected his delivery, but the result was the same, silence. He had to face it, he just wasn't funny.

 

It was a couple of days later, after Wally had done another face plant humoristically at the party, and he was wandering aimlessly through the mall, still upset at crashing and burning. He just had to face the fact that he just wasn't funny; after all, there were worse things in life; he told himself to give himself a break. But the voice in his head kept saying, over and over, 'you suck!'

 

He was unenthusiastic and listlessly scanned the store he was passing; maybe a visit to the food court? No, he wasn't hungry, and the way he felt he probably never again. Then, suddenly, he stopped when one display caught his eye, "The Universal Funny Doll" and the ad went on to say, "Not funny? Well, when you purchase our new 'Universal Funny Doll,' you'll become the lampshade-wearing life of the party, just inflate the lifelike doll who resembles the currant buffoon in the White House, pull the string, listen to the lies and unintentionally-funny macho blustering he spouts, and watch convulsions of laughter engulf any viewing audience; guarantied!" Suddenly, Wally was no longer listless. he immediately ran into the store, plunked down $99 without a thought, and headed home, with a skip in his step, and hope in his heart.

 

He was nervous; what if this thing didn't deliver as advertised? He had brought 'Don-Boy' with him to the party, garnering strange looks and already a few chuckles; maybe they were only laughing because he brought a blow-up doll to a party. It did look pathetic. Fred Satterdong glanced at him, smirked, and quipped,

 

"Wally, the invitation said to bring a date, but don't you think this is carrying the term 'date' to a whole new level?

 

Laughter erupted from every chair, making Wally feel like a total failure already.

 

Fred continued, after the laughter faded away, "Wally, aren't you going to introduce us to the little date that could, and from the smile on his face, did?"

 

More chuckles; Wally suddenly wished he hadn't come; what had he been thinking?

 

'What's the deal with blow-up Donny?" asked Fred, with a twinkle in his eye.

 

Wally felt sick, "Oh, you're supposed to pull this string," and; suddenly, out came a too-familiar voice,

 

"I just grab 'em by the pussy, and they don't say anything. When you're a celebrity, you can do stuff like that!"

 

Immediately, the room erupted in laughter. Damned if it didn't work! Suddenly, Wally found he was in an unaccustomed place; the center of attention, or rather Don-Boy blow up was! He had people demanding that he pull the string again, after explaining there were 1,052 different stupidity-uttered lined that The Big Dump had ejaculated over the years. Life was good, thought Wally, the previously-unfunny laugh-stopper at any party.


© Copyright 2019 Mike S.. All rights reserved.

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